The Story of the Tragic Host
by ggirl123
Summary: Haruhis first day with the hostclub. But what if she isnt the innocent girl we know, she has had a dark and tragic past. She is afraid to come out from hiding, it is up to the boys to help her truly love again. Romance OF COURSE Story better than summary
1. Chapter 1

_Okay so, this story is going to follow pretty similarly to the original plot at first. But it's going to be sadder, more serious and have a different way of developing characters. Rated teen for language, and for scenes hopefully to come ;) Any ideas on chapter names ? that would be great :) This is the edited version so thanks so much to my amazing beta !_

DISCLAIMER: _i do not own ouran high school host club. lord how i wish. _

...Chapter One...

My name's Haruhi, and I took a step back, taking in the spectacular view that was Ouran Academy. Tears were in my eyes, but I vowed not to cry. Not to feel. It was too hard to feel, and I knew that, if given the chance, my emotions would drive me crazy. I was alone in the world, with no one here to help me, comfort me. It had been hard getting here, and I barely had enough money to provide a living situation for myself, let alone indulging myself in the luxuries Ouran could provide to the rich.

I held my head down and made my way up the steps. I hoped to be inconspicuous, drawing no one's attention. That was not the case. I couldn't afford a school uniform, so I had chosen a large sweater that made me appear shapeless, and black slacks. With my short hair that I had chopped off myself, I realized that I must've looked more like a boy than a girl. But it didn't matter, any of it. I just wanted to remain isolated from everyone else. Then I would have a chance of holding it together.

But that was not to be the case, because it was that year that the Host Club happened to me.

_This is a huge school; why is it that there are no quiet places to study? _I thought to myself. For the last 20 minutes, I had been searching for a place to study alone. It was then that I came across the third floor music room. It looked as if it wasn't being used. _Well, as long as it's quiet_ I thought. I opened the doors, but didn't find a quiet isolated music room. Instead, I found the Host Club.

"WELCOME TO THE HOST CLUB"

There appeared to be six boys. Two I recognized from class A, my own class. But I hadn't bothered to remember their names. They were red-haired twins, hard to miss. The other four were no one I had any classes with, and I surmised they must have been in older grades. The one thing that all the boys seemed to have in common was that they were all beautiful. Now that may be an odd way to describe boys, but it was true. They had flawless skin and hair, perfect teeth, impeccable style, and since they all bore the Ouran Academy uniforms, they must be very wealthy. If I had had any interest in dating someone, I would've looked to one of these six, but at the moment their beauty simply passed over me.

In fact, I was shocked, speechless. What in God's name were they doing? The boy who appeared to be the leader, tall with blond hair and blue eyes, came up to me, inquiring as to why I was there. The twins seemed to be bored by my presence. "It's only a guy" I heard one of them say.

"Welcome rare scholarship student, Haruhi Fujioko" the blond one said.

"How did you know my name" I asked, confused, but at the same time a bit apprehensive. Who were these people? And what the hell was a host club? I tried to back away, but the blond one kept coming closer.

"I wouldn't be at this school if I didn't know" he went on. He started droning on about how I was a hero, and so poor that I would be ridiculed for it, and on and on. I quickly came to the conclusion that he was an idiot. I was offended, but mostly I just wanted to leave. This blond boy, whose name I don't even know, was stirring up emotions inside of me, particularly irritation.

My spine went straight, a gesture I had long ago given up. This was not good; I needed to leave, and started to back away. Then, the blond boy started saying I was gay, asking me what type of boy I liked.

"Lolita, pedophile, wild, or me?" he asked. He was extremely close, and that made me very uncomfortable. My face started to flush.

"Haru-chan, are you a hero?" this small, adorable boy, who looked to be about thirteen, asked me.

"Who gave you permission to call me Haru-chan?" I demanded before I could stop myself. I stopped talking, before my emotions overcame me and I burst out into tears. I backed away, mumbling that I was leaving and that I had only been looking for a place to study. My quiet, reserved, and mostly emotionless mask was intact once again.

But as I started backing out in a hurry, an event occurred that changed my life. I ran into a vase, and it shattered. You would think that shattering a vase, while very clumsy and irresponsible, would not be, in any way, a life-changing event. But when they informed me that the vase cost $800,000 dollars, well that was the occurrence that altered my life completely.

I was completely inarticulate. How could that vase have cost $800,000 dollars? "I-I-I'll pay it back" I stammered, trying to think of how many extra shifts I could pull at the restaurant I worked at. Already, I was working every night just trying to feed and shelter myself. The numbers were impossible, I realized. For a minute, I even thought I might have to admit defeat and go back.

NO! There had to be another way. The twins laughed cruelly and said "You can't even afford a uniform. How are you supposed to pay for this?" The idiot blond then proclaimed that I would pay with my body.

Guess what he named me? The Host Club dog! _What is that?_ I thought_._ It was amazing how I could find myself more dumbfounded in one day than I had been in my entire life.

It turns out that a Host Club, Tamaki, the blond, explained, is where privileged and attractive young boys with too much time on their hands entertain beautiful, wealthy girls who also have way too much time on their hands.

_So, pretty much they flirt with all the girls they want and call it an extracurricular activity_ I thought. _What is this world coming to?_ _There are people starving in the world, without shelter, and this is how rich teenagers spend their time._ I was shocked, and also a bit disgusted. Other people went through such hardships, while they had the chance to be frivolous and irresponsible by birthright.

But, despite my bitterness towards the whole concept, I still owed them a great deal of money. So I kept my opinions to myself and did my "dog duties" as instructed. I was perceptive, though that was how I had always been. But lately, I had also been extremely quiet and was thought by others to be competent. I knew that wasn't true though.

I have noticed that each Host member has a selling point. The twins, Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachin, have a "brotherly love" thing going on. This pretty much means that they fake an incestuous relationship to make the girls swoon. Tamaki is the leader; he has the "princely" vibe going on. The girls melt at anything he says, and it makes me embarrassed for my gender.

One of the quiet ones, Kyouya, with dark hair and eyes, who also wears glasses, came up to me as I was muttering to myself about how ridiculous the whole thing was. "Do you have your passport?" he asked. It took me a minute to realize he was threatening me, saying that I would have to leave the country to escape my debt. It's not like I hadn't escaped from a place once before, but I knew that it wasn't the answer here.

Tamaki came up behind me and whispered into my ear to work hard to erase my debt. Although the words were harmless, it sounded to me like he was trying to entice me. "Look, I'm really not interested in that kind of thing" I said meaningfully.

He seemed perturbed. "That's one of my best techniques!" he exclaimed.

"I don't even understand why a club like this exists. It shouldn't matter, guy or girl, attractive or not. It's supposed to be about what's on the inside" I countered quietly, thoughtfully. It had been a while since I'd spoken so much about something that I had an opinion about. It was almost a relief, but at the same time I was frightened about the repercussions of allowing myself such an indulgence. I'd promised myself to never do so again.

It also seemed as if he agreed with me for a moment. Then, he went off about how God sometimes created perfect specimens, such as himself, beautiful inside and outside. He was droning on and on about the importance of his beauty. While this was happening, I was trying to think of the best word to describe him, but I couldn't seem to place it. He wasn't annoying necessarily, and not just stupid. "I know" I exclaimed out loud, when it finally came to me.

"Oh, you finally understand?" Tamaki seemed to be saying.

"You're egotistical." In the blink of an eye, he was curled up in the corner, completely depressed.

The twins came up behind me and said "Wow, you must be a strong one after all." I felt bad. I hadn't thought that one comment would make him so upset. He was one of the strangest people I had ever met.

"Suo-sempai" I started cautiously. How is it that my carefully-kept in check emotions kept getting the better of me with these boys? I vowed to make it stop right then and there.

"KING" he interrupted me. "That's what they call me." I was about to call him King, but then the others started calling him a variety of names: Tono, Tamaki, and Sir. But no one called him King. I privately thought this boy had some undeniable issues.

It was at that moment that the boy I had taken to be thirteen walked in, on a tall, dark and mysterious man's shoulders. From what I had observed thus far, the two seemed joined at the hip. The short one was Mitskuni Haninozuka, and he was actually in grade twelve. The other one was also in grade twelve. His name was Takishi Morinuzuka. "He's in grade twelve" I exclaimed out loud, before I could stop myself.

Since no one appeared to be paying attention to Tamaki, he regained his composure and said "Honey-sempai is the eldest in the club. Mori-sempai's selling point is the silent, stoic type, while Honey is the Lolita boy." Something that I had noticed about this club was that all the boys were in class A in their select grades. Maybe this shouldn't have surprised me, for it seemed that the Host Club members had been picked very precisely.

"I just wanted to study somewhere quiet" I exhaled softly.

"Why don't you study at your home?" Tamaki questioned.

"It's not very quiet at home" I said even more softly. The place I was staying at could be barely be called a home. It was a tiny apartment building, where people could hear each other snore, the building was so tightly packed together. "I didn't want to bother anyone else with doing my work. I feel bad if I'm bothering them when I don't have to be." I said.

With that, Tamaki burst into tears about how sad it was that rich people were making me cry myself to sleep because I was their lowly servant. "What era are you talking about"? I asked. Still sniffling, he exclaimed that he had been watching some soap opera on TV where the heroine was abused by the rich people she served. It amazed me that any girl would request this boy to host them. He seemed ridiculous, and more than a little messed up in the head. He was also way too curious for my liking. I didn't want anything to get out. I couldn't handle any more sympathetic looks and barely concealed pity.

Tamaki, of course, seemed oblivious to the internal wars going on inside my head. In fact, he got a strange gleam in his eye. Something that I knew should make me nervous. "You can be a host!" he exclaimed triumphantly. "We can fix up your looks, and I will teach you everything that I know."

"But..." I started to protest.

"And if you get, let's say… 100 customers, we will forgo your debt."

"That's really not necessary" I said, remaining calm, quiet and emotionless. "I can just do the chores." But, apparently once Tamaki's mind is set on something, it'll take more than that to convince him otherwise.

First, he started teaching me how to properly put down a glass. You're supposed to use your pinky finger to cushion the cup so that it does not create a disturbance. This, of course, is completely ridiculous, but Tamaki evidently thought it was relevant. He started teaching me about how to look at someone from under my eyelashes, and I think that he was trying to charm me. Whatever he was doing, it was weirding me out. "Did you see the sparkle?" he asked ever so smoothly.

"What sparkle?" I asked, no connotation in my voice. With that, he was back in the corner. I really didn't know what to say. It was apparent that, no matter what I said, something would set him off. _He's a Drama Queen_ I thought to myself. And I almost laughed at the truth and hilarity of my words. But just as soon as the laughter had been about to surface, my own black clouds replaced them in a bitter sweep of wind. How could I be almost laughing? It was unforgivable, to be enjoying myself. It was too soon. And just like that, my overwhelming sadness and guilt resurfaced.

I was about to be sucked into my own personal grief when Honey-sempai came up. "Haru-chan! Do you wanna come eat some sweets with me?" he asked in earnest.

"No thank you; I don't eat sweets." I replied impassively. I used to eat sweets, but once I left, well I stopped doing a lot of things that I normally did.

Honey pulled out an adorable bunny after this proclamation. "Do you like Usa-chan?" he asked innocently.

It was so damn cute. I said "Ya, he's pretty cute?" A sort of bell seemed to go off in Honey's head. I didn't know what that meant, but it seemed he had realized something.

It didn't matter anyhow. I was just going to silently and unobtrusively remain in my post until either some miracle happened, and let's be honest, it wouldn't, or until the end of my already miserable high school career.

Apparently, part of the job of a "dog" is to fetch the food, but they seemed so shocked when I brought back things like instant coffee and ramen noodles. It was some foreign concept to them, I guess. When Mori-sempai got the powder from the noodles stuck on top, I showed him how to properly do that. It led to a new nickname, "teacher." I guess I had an endless amount of nicknames in my future… joy.

While I was trying unsuccessfully to daydream of another life, another time when I had been happier, I was distracted by Tamaki and the twins making sexual references and jokes every two seconds. Oh great, now they were talking about my looks. Tamaki made some comment about my glasses. I merely shrugged and said "They were my father's. After I lost my contacts, they were the best I could do. " I winced internally; the mention of my family always made me cringe.

"They probably just make your eyes look bigger or something" Tamaki exclaimed, as he plucked the glasses off. I don't know what he was thinking, but he immediately snapped his fingers and called "Hikaru, Kaoru." I mean what, did I really look that bad? I had always thought I had nice eyes, but I guess without any makeup or anything maybe they really weren't so great.

All of a sudden, the club was in action, Tamaki-sempai calling out the orders. "Kyouya, call the school tailors. Mori, get some contact lenses. Hikaru, Kaoru, hair." Honey-sempai came over, looking eager.

"What about me?" he asked.

"Honey-sempai, go eat some cakes!" declared Tamaki, as Honey sulked in the corner with Usa-chan and his cake.

Kaoru and Hikaru started coming at me with beauty tools in their hands. They sat me down on a chair, cut my scruffy short hair to perfection, and handed me a uniform. The twins were about to come in and help me change when I said "No! I can change myself." Honestly, I don't want them to see me changing. The same sort of bell that went off in Honey-sempai's head seemed to go off in theirs' as well, as they backed away with mischievous smiles on their faces.

I finished changing, although I didn't want to look at myself in the mirror. All I ever saw was barely repressed anguish, and large bags underneath my eyes revealing all the sleepless nights I still had after all this time. I walked out of the changing room to find all of the boys staring at me. "This uniform…" I began. It was incredibly expensive and certainly not something I could afford.

But Tamaki and the twins interrupted me. "How wonderful! Our finest project" they said, tears streaming from their eyes. I was a little embarrassed. I mean, had I really looked that bad before? I chose to ignore my own question, knowing I wouldn't like the answer.

Tamaki jumped at me and hugged me, yelling "CUTE!" I stayed rigid, not allowing myself to enjoy the feeling of a warm body showing affection to me. Even if my effort was as ridiculous and superficial as Tamaki-sempai. He tilted my head up, and said "How lovely; almost like a girl…" he pondered. Sharp retorts were begging to be let out, but I held my tongue. It didn't matter, any of it.

All of the boys had something to say about my transformation. Honey said I looked cute. Mori was as silent as ever. The twins said that, if I had looked like that, why hadn't I told them? And then Kyouya even said I might be able to get a few customers. It was rather embarrassing, having all these people paying so much attention to me. I didn't want their attention to be on me, because when you allow people to get close, you get comfortable. And it's easier to get hurt that way. If you didn't let yourself feel any emotions, even the good ones, then the bad ones wouldn't come either. I stayed silent throughout all their commentary, and tried to tune out what they were saying, in hopes that all of my emotions could stay locked away. It was my form of self preservation, and I didn't need these handsome, albeit ridiculous boys to ruin my hard-won control.

While I had been unsuccessfully trying to tune out the talking of the boys, it had been decided that I would become a host officially. So that was how I wound up after school at the Host Club, with three, pretty girls around me. They started inquiring about how I got to school, and why I joined the club and all. I was about to just leave, and forget all of this day, but then I remembered the vase I had broken. They had said that if I could gather 100 costumers I could be relieved of my debt, and God knows I didn't have any money to spare for the $800,000 dollar cost of it. So, I decided that I could fake my way through it. How many guys had I known who had just pretended and turned on the charm, and they had gotten tons of girls? I could still remain emotionless underneath; I just had to act the part. With my decision made, I decided to try and charm these girls. I mean, I was a girl myself; shouldn't I know how to charm one?

I floundered for things to say. I noticed that one of the girls had finished her tea. Trying to remember what Tamaki-sempai had been dithering on about, I had it; you are supposed to look at people with your head tilted down. I tried it, leaning down and batting my long eyelashes in what I hoped was an endearing way. I asked, "Would you like another cup of tea?" The girl blushed, and stammered that she would love one. All of a sudden, the other two girls were dying for a cup of tea as well. Good grief, I was officially and utterly embarrassed to be a female. I kept all those thoughts locked away though, and I gathered them some more tea, while plastering a hopefully-convincing smile on my face.

The girls seemed to be buying every line, so I continued on talking about this and that. I could barely hear the words of Tamaki, Kyouya, Hikaru, and Kaoru as they wondered how I was doing so well right off the bad. It must be his innocence, one of them, I think Kyouya, said. I almost laughed outright at the irony in that. I was most certainly not innocent, not anymore, though I supposed I played the part rather well. Once the girls started inquiring about my personal life, I knew it was time to lie. My old friends used to say I was one of the best liars they knew, because I never gave anything away in my face or body. My heart gave an unwelcome pang. I hadn't thought about my old friends in a while. It made me miss them so much. Everything had been going great for me, and then all of the sudden, it was gone.

I turned to answer, smile still carefully in place as I talked about how I had used to live in Canada, but once I was accepted into Ouran I had come here by myself. My family was still back in Canada, I continued to tell them, and they were working hard there at the winery we owned. They paid the bills for my living expenses, I told them, but they did not make enough for me to have my own uniform or anything. They ate it all up, listening intensely, not detecting the lie. It's not like it was all a lie; the best lies always started from a grain of truth. That way, it's harder for you to slip up if you already have an entire back story.

"What do you do about chores and everything?" one of the girls asked, sympathy written clearly on her face. This type of sympathy I could deal with, because I knew it wasn't really about anything all that sad.

"Oh, I do all of that myself. I quite enjoy cooking and baking" I said, my smile never wavering, but I said it with a bit of a sad undertone. I knew it was wrong, trying to gain these people's sympathies this way, but it was the only way I could think of to gain their trust. "It's hard sometimes," I sighed, "but I always enjoy getting the recipe just right. I know it would make my parents proud."

Perhaps I was laying it on a little thick, but I wasn't being entirely insincere either. I stole a glance at Tamaki and the others. I realized that they had bought everything. Only Kyouya looked unconvinced, but I could work on him later.

"May I come tomorrow too?" one of the girls asked shyly, as if she thought I really might say no.

"Of course you can. I would really love to enjoy your company for another afternoon" I said, softening my smile and looking away as if embarrassed by this revelation. They girls swooned a little more, and then they were on their way. I almost wanted to pat myself on the back for a job well done, but I knew it was too soon for that. I needed to secure my story and make sure that everyone thought this an indisputable truth. Then, once I had 100 customers, I could break away from this ridiculous club and carry on with my quiet, insubstantial existence once more.

I felt better prepared having a goal. I had always been a motivated person, apparently being half dead to the outside world for 6 months had not done much to alter that. But I guess I wouldn't be top of class A without that. I only worked so hard because I knew it's what my parents wanted; that alone made me work hard, both at my job and my schoolwork, to provide both a living situation and a future for myself.

I saw Tamaki then turn back to his costumer. He had apparently been staring at me the entire time. How creepy. He was talking to this girl. I believe she had said a rather rude comment about me distributing ramen to the boys, but I couldn't be sure. She did not seem pleased at something Tamaki said, and her scowl did nothing for her average features.

_Wow, and the claws come out_ I thought to myself. I didn't even like Tamaki, and I could still bitch about some girl I didn't know. I realized what was happening, once these boys had prodded me open, I was starting to fall back into old habits. But I couldn't let that happen. I repressed the memories and habits of my former life down where they belonged, and turned to face Tamaki and the girl.

"Haruhi, this is Princess Ayanojouji" Tamaki said excitedly, like he was showing me off or something. I chose to ignore this possessive tone, and fixed a charming smile on my face that the other girls had swooned for.

"It's very nice to meet you," I said pleasantly. Once again, Tamaki assaulted me with a hug, proclaiming how cute I was. And once again I shut down thoughts about different things, thinking about anything but how very male and attractive he was. I needed out. I was feeling suffocated, being so close to people after all this time. The other guests and boys were watching with some amusement, but I was starting to panic. I called out to Mori-sempai, the closest one.

"Mori-sempai help me" I called. I knew that it was ridiculous, to try and call for his help, but I couldn't stand this "sexual harassment" as the twins had just called it. It was stirring things inside of me, things better left untouched. Immediately, Mori came up and grabbed me out of Tamaki's arms. Great, I went from being hugged by one guy, to being carried like a sack of potatoes by another.

Tamaki looked dumbfounded. I was a little bewildered myself, but I felt in control again once Mori set me down. "You called for help, so I helped" he said matter-of-factly, not realizing how strange that just was for me. "You should eat more" Mori said, pinning his dark, expressive gaze on me. "You are too light for someone of your height" he said. Instead of responding to this absurd comment, I looked away, embarrassed. For a while now, well six months, I had barely been able to eat anything. It wasn't getting easier either. I felt like there was this gaping hole inside of me that refused to accept food, or even sleep, or comfort apparently.

But I was worried now. If one person started to notice, others would notice too, and then people would start asking questions. "I was sick recently" I said. "I just lost a bunch of weight. It will come back soon" I said convincingly. Mori looked at me strangely, and then went about his business. No one else had seemed to overhear our little conversation, and I hoped it would stay that way.

"Now you can come back to daddy!" cried Tamaki happily.

"You are not my father" I said quietly. "I don't need another one." I must have said it with a sharpness I hadn't intended, because Tamaki seemed quite put off, but in a different way than normal. I stole a glance at his "Princess" and well, if looks could kill, she was sending daggers straight through me. Great, one day with these boys, and I was already making enemies, though why I couldn't say.

As I shook off the weirdness of that encounter, I decided that my initial feelings of Ayanojouji were right; she was no good. But it didn't matter. I would just stay out of her way.

After school that day, I went to grab something from my binder, when a razor blade sliced my finger. I was tempted to curse loudly, but at least physical pain subsided. The mental pain was always there in the back of my mind, telling me that nothing was okay anymore. I got a bandage from the nurse's office and decided to forget the incident. If someone wanted to try and hurt me with silly pranks, I wasn't too concerned. What more could they do to me that hadn't already been done? I resumed my evening activities, not realizing that I should have known exactly who it was.

The next day at the club, I saw my first game of "Which one is Hikaru? Game." With their hair flipped up, I suppose it was supposed to be difficult to guess who they were, although I had no doubts about who was who. "What a silly game" I said quietly to myself in passing. Not realizing that I had been heard, the twins challenged me to guess. Right away, I said "Kaoru is on the right, and Hikaru the left."

"WRONG!" they said, in their usual obnoxious tone.

"No," I began, "I'm right. You two may be twins, but there are differences about you" I said, a genuine smile pulling at the sides of my mouth. The twins looked at me in the strangest way, as if I had just crossed some unseen barrier I hadn't known had been there in the first place. By the way they looked at each other and began to sweat, I knew I had been right.

The girls flocked around me, gushing at how amazing I was. "You were looking at them through the eyes of your heart" one girl claimed lovingly. I was a little stunned. Being able to tell the difference between the twins was swoon-worthy? It really wasn't that hard. Hikaru was clearly the more mischievous. While he was technically the older brother, he had a more immature side about him. Kaoru seemed to think more, and while he played along with Hikaru and had the same sort of attitude most of the time, he was really more reserved. These things I had picked up in just one short week. I was surprised the other girls couldn't beat this game with ease by now.

I was surprised by all of the attention these girls were giving me, and I put my hands up in a self-defense mechanism, to shield myself away, when one girl commented on my bandaged finger. "Oh no, Haruhi! What happened to your finger" she asked.

I decided to lie. There was no use in circulating rumors when it could have been an accident. "Oh, I was cutting with a knife for dinner last night, and it slipped and I cut my finger." I decided it best not to mention that I was left-handed, and the cut was on my left hand. It was pretty hard to cut yourself on the hand that's wielding the knife. From the knowing way Kyouya looked at me, I knew he had realized this too. I quickly looked away from him, and instead adjusted my tie in a sort of nervous gesture. What else did he know? I silently pondered. _Well, as long as he keeps it to himself, it's irrelevant, I suppose _I mused.

I really didn't even have any evidence that it was a bully. There was the razor incident, one of my books had come out sopping wet. Thank goodness it hadn't had many notes in it. And when I had shouldered my bag, it had contained a pin that had stuck into me. It wasn't a big deal though. No harm, no foul, I suppose? It was as I looked out the window then, that I saw my book bag had been thrown into the pond/fountain that was just outside the Host Club.

_Shit,_ I thought silently, _my money's in there, and I have rent due this week_. I hurriedly rushed outside, forgetting the Host Club in my haste to save my money. If it wasn't already too late.

As I was running through the hallway I went past Tamaki's number one costumer. She said how nice I looked, but for seem reason it seemed cruel and mocking. "You look like one of us now" she said, and I heard her murmur, just loud enough for me to hear, "Too bad you can't fix the faults in your upbringing too." I let the comment pass, not even sure if I had heard correctly.

I climbed into the fountain, ignoring the cold temperatures of the water despite the sunny, warm day. "Hey peasant!" Tamaki called, as he bonked me on the head. "What a nice hobby, skipping club activities to play in the water" It was then that he noticed my wet bag that I had pulled out. Looking at Tamaki from this angle, he looked tall and formidable, but in an endearing sort of way. I stopped my inspection of him, a blush creeping up my neck. I focused on the task of finding my wallet. I mentally chastised myself for checking him out. I will put a stop to this, and so I silently retreated back into myself, forgetting that Tamaki was really rather handsome, when he didn't speak.

"Why did you get your bag wet?" he asked.

"Umm, I dropped it, and my wallet is still in here, so I need to find it" I said quickly. Maybe I wasn't such a good liar after all. Oh well, Tamaki seemed to buy it.

I expected another rude comment from him. Instead, he said "No, no. You're doing it all wrong. It's like this." He proceeded to rip his shirt off, revealing quite an attractive torso, but with my emotions back on a tight rein, it didn't matter to me. He started splashing around looking ridiculous, trying to find it.

"You don't have to do that, really. You'll get wet" I said softly, almost timidly, though I was trying to keep my composure. I mean, surely it was ridiculous, getting sentimental about the stupidest thing. But it had been awhile since I had seen genuine kindness, just for the sake of being kind. No, I was probably misreading things. He probably just wanted to rip his shirt off.

"It's okay. Besides, people always tell me I'm dripping with good looks." It should have sounded conceited, but it seemed more like a flimsy excuse to be helping me. I was over-thinking things again, but I looked at him carefully, and he had a kind expression on his face. One that I hadn't seen before.

Just like that, he came at me, grabbing both sides of my face. "Are you falling for me now? I saw that look! Oh, you're so cute I could pinch you!" I looked away, irritated, but with him or myself I couldn't say. He continued looking, saying mischievously "If I remember correctly, finder's fee is 30%."

Wow, so rich and he still wants to collect money from the poor. Tamaki eventually found it. Words couldn't express how relieved I was. When he handed it back, he said, "Why were you so desperate for it? There's not even that much money." He said it as a joke, but I looked away, ashamed.

"Well, I need it for food money and all, you know" I said nonchalantly, like I wasn't on the verge of being evicted, because I could hardly keep up on rent.

"If you ever need financial help, you can talk to me" he said. I think he was being serious, but I chose to brush it off with a joke.

"The day I come to you for help is the day I'm really in trouble." I forced a laugh out of my mouth. He seemed convinced enough, but something made me wonder if he was really an idiot, or if he was an idiot who could be smart sometimes.

As it turned out, Tamaki's number one fan had requested me as her host for the day. I hadn't thought she liked me very much, but well, every costumer helped I supposed. She started making comments about how rude it was to expect Tamaki to fetch my cheap and ugly bag, and how I shouldn't let it lead me to believe he loved me or anything. That's when I clued in. I was a little shocked I hadn't seen it fully; I mean, I would have noticed this right away... well, before. She kept going on about how I was just tagging along with him and such. "So, in short, you're jealous" I said, with no malice in my voice. I had just finally realized the truth of the matter. And that was okay.

Suddenly, the table was flung aside, and I landed on top of her. She started screaming about how I had attacked her. "Somebody hurt this peasant!" she shrieked. I pulled myself off of her, shocked. So, it really was her who had been bullying me. As I backed away, Hikaru and Kaoru dumped their tea on her head. It was almost comical, but I felt bad for the girl. She was only in love with Tamaki. Love made you do stupid things.

"Oops, our hands slipped" they said unconvincingly.

Kyouya came up. "Did you think we didn't know?" In his hand, there were pictures of the girl pulling all of the pranks on me.

"It's such a shame," said Tamaki. "You are a pretty girl, but you need to be beautiful on the inside and outside. I'm sorry, but we need to ask you to leave and never come back," Tamaki finshed, running his hands through his wet, golden hair. Completely humiliated, she ran out, crying out about 'stupid Tamaki.'

All of the club members were very unimpressed. "We get those ones every once and a while" claimed Kaoru. "We don't tolerate the bullying of other hosts" he said. I was really surprised. So, they had known I was lying and let me keep up the pretense anyway? This made my stomach clench in worry, and black thoughts started swimming about my mind, as I realized that they could know everything. But no. They wouldn't act so normal if they really knew everything. I was safe, for the time being.

I looked over at Tamaki, pleasantly surprised by what he had done for me. I stared at him, my eyes wide, with something between shock, and well something else, something warmer. He coughed into his hand, and seemed to blush a little bit when he caught me staring. I must have imagined it, because in the next instant, he was adding one hundred costumers to my quota, for all the damage I had caused today. I took this news silently, and tried to figure out how long that would take me.

Apparently, Tamaki and I hadn't been becoming friends, but then I looked over, and he smiled. It didn't look like one of his 'I'm trying to seduce you' smiles, but it was an endearing one, all the same. "I have high expectations for you, natural rookie" he said. All I could do was stare. Well, I guess Host Club life is full of ups and downs. But I'm trying to stick to my promise to myself. To remain hidden, hide behind my lies, because eventually, once you stay hidden long enough, you have trouble finding yourself, let alone have other people find you. I didn't want to care about these people, to have them be part of my life. I was becoming dangerously close to having it happen anyway.

I walked to the changing room, so I could get into my work uniform. I had my shirt off, with only my bra on, when Tamaki burst in claiming he had something to tell me. The words died in his mouth as he blushed a scarlet red. I hastily put my shirt on, and came out to meet him. "Haruhi," he began slowly, "are you a girl?"

"Yeah, I am" I said, not really caring if he had seen me with my shirt off. The side with my scar had been facing away from him, so I wasn't too concerned about any discoveries there, and it's not like I had large boobs, by any standards. In fact, they were hardly there. But still, it seemed the rest of the Host Club had known.

Honey said he knew from the start, while Hikaru and Kaoru were laughing that Tamaki had only just noticed because he had walked in on me. Kyouya merely stated that this was an interesting development. It made me think he was only here for the entertainment value.

"I really don't care either way sempai," I said honestly. "I'm not really a feminine kind of girl." _Anymore_, I added silently. "So I will work hard and pay off my debt just as planned" I said, determined. I fixed a smile on my face, one that really touched my eyes, as I said "You were really cool earlier sempai. Thank you."

He seemed to be blushing again, but I suppose it was very warm in the room. "I don't mind being popular with the girls; it's fine" I said. I didn't want to be a bother, and it's not like dating or anything held any appeal for me. How could you get close to people, when you only hurt them, and they you? I walked off sadly. What I didn't notice was how Tamaki had continued to blush, and had reached after me as I left, though I would never know.

I remained steadfast to my promise. I was faking my way through each day. Today, I had even smiled. But, just as soon as I realized that, tears filled my eyes. I started walking away, quickly. I didn't want any of them to see. I wiped my eyes furiously and fled for home, to the safety of my walls. I hadn't started crying in public for a long time. Things were going to go downhill emotionally. And the possibility of that scared me, a lot more than I would have liked to admit. It also made me realize that I had changed. Not for the worse, just different. I would ponder it another time, when it didn't feel like my heart was breaking. I had almost forgotten, but not anymore. I couldn't let myself forget the pain I had caused. I walked home with my head down, a picture of shame.

~~Kyouya looked down from the window. He had seen the tears Haruhi had not wanted to shed in front of them. In fact, he knew her entire life story. Normally, he was not one to sympathize, but the pain she had gone through was horrible. Every smile she faked was almost convincing, if only her eyes weren't so dead most of the time. It seemed that, whenever she really smiled, it hurt her more than the fake ones. He couldn't tell the other club members. She needed to trust them enough to tell them herself. And if it never came to that, well, he would keep her secret. It was not his place to tell.~~

**I hope you liked the first chapter and keep reading ! Thanks again to my beta :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Ouran, nuff said.**

**Thanks to all who have read here's chapter two enjoy ! And again this is the newly edited version so thanks so much to my beta ! (:**

Chapter 2

I stumbled across the campus of the elite Ouran Academy. _Shit, they won't be happy if I'm late again… _I thought. This time, I had fallen asleep in the library. Things at home, if you could really call it home, were awful. I was fairly certain I was going to be evicted. All of this time with the Host Club made it hard to work as much. Well, if worst came to worst, I could always ask one of the Host Club members for money. I laughed a bitter laugh. One filled with no humor at the thought.

I came upon the door, thinking it strange how I was slowly getting used to these boys. It became easier and easier to distance myself, as opposed to the first few weeks, when I had been surprised and shocked at almost everything that happened. I opened the door, and I saw…

A Middle Eastern country?

_What the hell? _I thought. Well, maybe they could still surprise me. My mouth dropped open. I quickly closed it. I refused to acknowledge the sight of these boys, half naked, in royal desert garb.

"Oh, it's just you, Haruhi," Hikaru said. "We thought it was a guest, so we positioned ourselves" he finished. He sounded slightly miffed, but I knew he wasn't really upset. It was strange, how easy I found those twins to read. Everyone else seemed to have a hard time with it.

"Isn't it the middle of December?" I asked. The heat was beginning to make me flush. Yes, it was the heat making me flush, not the boys.

"Only a commoner would be frightened of the warmth in the middle of winter" proclaimed Tamaki, in that dramatic way of his.

He started chattering about how men shouldn't have to cover their bodies with lots of clothing, and on and on. It was a miracle no one had slapped this boy yet. Instead of listening to him, I studied the lavish decorations adorning the room. There were what I assumed to be authentic exotic plants everywhere, trees and flowers making the room bright and cheery, as opposed to the reality outside, which was cold and bleak. I would never tell the boys this, but I loved the warmth. I had always been prone to cases of the winter blues, and that, added to my already unhappy state, was not healthy, I was sure. This room, and its overwhelming colors and heat, had actually lightened my mood. And I was glad for it.

"And the best part is yet to come" Tamaki said, with a glint in his eye, as I tuned back in. "The Christmas Party" he exclaimed excitedly.

I stared at him, eyes wide. I really didn't want to go to this party. It was hard enough spending a day around these boys and their silly guests, but I couldn't give up a busy night of work too. I couldn't afford it. I _really _couldn't afford it.

I walked around the Host Club, listening to snippets of conversation. There was Tamaki, talking about how beautiful he was, and the girls were falling for it. Then there were the twins, saying how they rented out the banquet hall for the party. Oh lord, now they were doing that little incest thing of theirs'. Honestly it was the last thing that would turn me on; it kind of made me embarrassed for them. But it's not like Hikaru and Kaoru ever got embarrassed.

I walked by where Kyouya was. "The girls seem much more hyper-active than usual" I said softly.

"Yes, well, being partially naked helps with that. The first idea was some Santa Claus outfit cosplay, but I'm glad I put the Bali book in front of Tamaki. This idea sells much better," he said, an evil glint in his eyes.

I looked at him strangely. So, this was why the club operated so effectively. Kyouya didn't have any real say, as he was only Vice President, but he knew how to make an idea look like Tamaki's. That clever bastard. Sometimes, it worried me. I knew that Kyouya was smart, and I was fairly certain he had many resources, so he probably knew something of my past. I cringed at the thought. No, he couldn't know.

I caught him glancing at me from the corner of my eye. "What?" I said calmly.

"It's nothing, but, well you really shouldn't fall asleep in the library anymore. Someone might see and get you in trouble" he said, with an equal air of calm.

"How did you..." I started, but then I shook my head. I didn't want to know. "Okay, thanks."

I quickly walked away, not wanting my face to betray anything. But my hands were still shaking as I sat down at my post, ready to entertain the girls who had called on me today.

"Haruhi, you're not wearing a costume! How come?" one of the girls asked, sounding disappointed.

"Oh, well, I think it's only natural to wear winter clothes in the wintertime," I said hurriedly. In all honesty, the costume Tamaki had picked out for me had been a dress. He really was an idiot sometimes. I politely rejected the idea, so I was still in my Ouran uniform.

"Oh, so you value the seasons? How wonderful" the same girl exclaimed.

I found it easier just to not remember their names. They all blurred together, in reality. But, as long as you have a charming smile and call them princess every now and again, they don't even notice. It was amazing how quickly I had picked up faking being happy. No one seemed to suspect I was constantly ready to cry, or maybe scream. All of the time, my hands were shaking, and my nightmares still kept me up at night. Hence, the sleeping in the library. But back to the girls. They started talking about cuddling in the snow and such.

I rearranged my features, eyelids slightly drooped, charming smile and head tilted slightly, as I softly said, "You girls all have your little dreams. It's really cute" I added a hint of bashfulness.

It was so easy, telling girls what they wanted to hear. I had seen enough love stories, whether in books, movies, or reality, to know what made the girls swoon.

And sure enough, they blushed red and continued talking and fantasizing about getting caught in blizzards or climbing up mountains. I kept my smile carefully in place and tried not to think of Kyouya's words earlier. He had sounded worried almost, but surely sleeping in the library wasn't cause enough for worry? Unless he knew why I was sleeping in the library all of the sudden. I pushed the thought away and tried hard to listen to what the girls were saying.

I hadn't noticed that, when I had shown my perfectly-sculpted smile and voice, that the twins and Tamaki had been watching. Blushing red themselves and mentally agreeing that I was the cute one. If I had known, well, I wouldn't have believed it, but I remained oblivious to anything concerning me.

"Excuse me, but I believe it's my turn now." I turned around and saw a pretty girl, with short red hair, and an almost wistful air to her.

"Oh, you must be the one with the reservation," I said pleasantly, still studying the girl. "And you're name is…" I continued.

"Kasugasaki Kanako, from grade 11, class B" she said amicably.

Kasugasaki leaned in close and said, "You're cuter than I heard. I've decided that you'll be my new favorite." She tilted my head up to meet her gaze.

There was an almost blank look to her eyes, like she was trying not to show what she felt. I knew that look well; I had honed that look. But it wasn't my business. Shouldn't I know better than anyone that people generally don't want to talk about it? But still, it made me like her more, to know that she had something to hide, and was not as shallow and empty-headed as most of the other girls. Without even meaning to, I had committed her name to memory, Kasugasaki-san.

I had a pleasant time with her, although sometimes she would get a faraway look in her eye that I couldn't seem to place the origin of. Once Kasugasaki had left, I made my way over to the other boys. Shockingly enough, I saw Tamaki muttering and stuffing his face with Ramen noodles.

"I don't understand…!" he said, sounding rather pathetic and dramatic, as always.

The twins called out to him. "Stop eating Peasant's food and come help us with the final plans for the party."

"What's wrong with him?" I asked, confused as ever.

"Well, Kanako has the illness, the 'switching-guys' disease," began the twins.

"And just last week, it was Tama-chan's turn" finished Honey-sempai.

"See, normally when we have regular customers, they pick their favorite host, and then stick with that host forever" said the twins.

Understanding dawned on me. Tamaki was probably upset that someone had selected to prefer me over him. "So, it's because I took his guest," I said slowly.

"NO, THAT'S NOT IT!" yelled Tamaki.

_Oh, no_, I thought inwardly, _he's going to start one of his rants._ Naturally, I was right. He started going on about how it's because I need to dress like a girl, and that it's shameful that only the Host Club knows. I pretty much started ignoring him after the first few seconds, but I essentially understood the gist of his message.

What caught my attention was when he put up last year's school photo of me, with my long, thick hair, makeup, and all of that. "Daddy wants this!" Tamaki said, halfway between a whine and a sob.

My eyes widened, and I felt like a deer in headlights. I was panicking. How would he have known how to get that picture? What did that mean? "Where did you get that?" I demanded. And while I spoke at a normal volume, I had said it both accusingly and suspiciously.

All of the boys stopped to look at me strangely. I thought I saw a glimmer of understanding in Kyouya's eyes, but it could have been a trick of the light, for it was gone in a flash. Tamaki looked on the verge of tears, and I realized that I was acting really sketchy. _Way to go, Haruhi_, I mentally chastised myself. _Way to play it cool._

Forcing myself to get back under control, I took a deep breath and said, "Sorry, it just took me by surprise that you had found that. I mean, it's a whole different life from there to here, so it surprised me." I put on my charming smile, and tried to appear nonchalant about the awkward situation I had put myself in.

Just like that, the situation diffused, and Tamaki was back to swooning at that old photo of me.

"It really doesn't matter to me," I began cautiously, all hints of malice were erased from my voice as I spoke honestly." Boy or girl, being identified as one or the other, it doesn't bother me that people think I'm a boy. All I want to do is get my 200 costumers, pay my debt back, and then move on with my life" I said.

"Mommmy," Tamaki wailed, "Haruhi is talking about herself as if she's a boy"

"Who's mommy?" asked Hikaru.

"Well, given our current positions in the club, I would say that mommy is me" Kyouya said, seeming resigned to the fact that he was referred to as mommy by the biggest baby I had ever met.

"Well, I have to go," I said, backing out slowly, hands clasped behind my back. While my hands were often shaky, they had begun to do so violently. I held them together, until my fingers were turning white with the effort.

"Do you know how to social dance?" the twins called out, before I was fully out of the door.

"Dance?" I said. I had always been very uncoordinated; dancing in public did NOT sound like a good idea.

"Don't worry, we'll teach you tomorrow, " they said, grinning in their mischievous way.

"Not likely" I muttered under my breath as I headed out. Once I was free of the school grounds, I ran as quickly as I could to get to work.

**Hope you liked ! R&R please (:**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I took a moment to readjust my uniform, and then stepped inside work. I worked at the restaurant, Kurosaki's Place. The owner, Shigure Kurosaki, was a kind man in his late twenties. He had opened the restaurant when he was only 20, and lived in the apartment above it. He had mischievous, twinkling, hazel eyes and thick hair. One would think his nose was too large and crooked for good looks, but he had a certain charm about him.

It had been hard convincing Kurosaki-sempai to hire me. The feat had taken me all of my acting skills, just to convince him I was 18, and old enough to serve. I was pretty sure that he still didn't really believe me, but I had been desperate, and he'd seen that.

At work, they knew I was a girl, and I tried to look the part. It bettered my tips. I had on dark, skinny jeans, a black t-shirt, my apron, and just a touch of make-up. For a finishing touch, I always put some girly accessory in my hair, so that people wouldn't confuse me with a boy.

I hurried to clock in. I had made it with only a minute to spare. "You okay?" Kurosaki-sempai asked me.

"I'm good. Thank you, Kurosaki-sempai" I said stiffly. It was embarrassing how quickly he had known something was wrong. Not that anything was ever right. The restaurant had sort of become a haven for me in the last month, a place to go where I could forget my own troubles and just focus on the next customer. Kurosaki was always overwhelmingly kind to me, worrying about me almost as a brother figure would.

My heart gave a pang. I had given up on any hopes or delusions of family when I'd moved here. "How many times do I have to tell you, Haruhi," he said in fake exasperation, "call me Shigure."

"Sorry, Shigure." He flashed that crooked smile of his, and I almost smiled in return. But lately, I had been feeling sick, sicker than usual. And I didn't want him to see that. "I should get to work" I said, shuffling away.

"Have you eaten today?" he said, concern coloring his voice.

"Yes, of course" I lied, monotone, turning back to my work.

Shigure shook his head and went back to counting the till. In all honesty, I'd barely touched any food in the last - six months it must have been now. My hip bones and ribs showed through, and my skin had a constant grayish pallor. I almost looked anorexic. I knew it wasn't healthy, but I just couldn't bring myself to eat more than a few bites at a time. My stomach was constantly in knots that made eating next to impossible.

At least barely eating saved on money. Not that that was going to help me if they kicked me out of my apartment. I had been able to avoid my landlord for the last week, but I knew I would have to give him the month's rent soon. It was already two weeks overdue. And I was 100 dollars short. Tips hadn't been great at the restaurant, due to the winter season business slowing things down considerably. Most of the time, I wasn't even needed, but I always offered to stay until closing. Most of the other people who worked here were older women who wanted to get back to their families or boyfriends, or younger men who wanted to go out and party. So generally, at the end of the night, it was me and Kurosaki.

The night passed in a blur. It had been slow, and I only had about 30 dollars in tips, and even that was only because I had had a party of 6 in my section. When I was finishing up my side duties at the bar, Kurosaki put down a steaming plate of rice and vegetables.

"Eat" he ordered.

"It's fine, Kurosaki. I had a big lunch" I said, maintaining eye contact. Whenever I turned away from Kurosaki, he knew that I was lying.

"I don't care. You're too skinny, and it's not healthy. Just because you wear your shirts a little baggier doesn't mean that I can't tell that you're practically skin and bones" he said sternly, playing every inch the boss.

"I can't pay for it. You should just have it for your own dinner. I know that you haven't had dinner for the last two nights" I snapped, rubbing my temples and trying not to go off on the one man who had been so kind to me.

"That's beside the point, and I'm not asking for you to pay for it. Just eat it." His eyes pleaded for me to just accept this.

But I couldn't. I hated accepting charity. I was self-sufficient enough to take care of myself. It wasn't fair to expect people to take care of me. I didn't need their pity or their sympathy. I just needed people to leave me the fuck alone. It had been too long since I'd really slept. My nap in the library notwithstanding. My head was pounding, and I couldn't keep my flood of memories at bay anymore. I was just too damn tired.

"Is it okay if I go now, Kurosaki?" I said, letting my exhaustion show for just a moment, hoping he would let me go home.

"Not until you've eaten every bite" he said stubbornly.

Obedient thing that I am, I ate everything, although even the simple meal made me feel sick. I walked on home and didn't even make it halfway until my stomach rejected all of the rice and veggies I had just eaten. I retched in the corner of the alleyway, while my stomach turned itself inside out, having nothing but that simple meal to even throw up.

Shaking and half-asleep, I finally made my way back to my apartment building. Once there, I cried. Cried and cried, until all that was left were dry, empty sobs that I could barely repress. I didn't know how my life had gotten to this point.

I was falling apart, and there was no one left who could pick up the pieces.

**Depressing chapter and short I know, but I make no apologies. Hope you have enjoyed thus far ! R&R**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Ouran is not mine to own *cries***

**So here we go, left you on a depressing ending last time. But don't worry the host club is back in the story ! ;) Thanks so much to all reviewers I LOVE YOU ALL. Also big thanks to my awesome beta for getting this back to me so quick ! (: FYI this is 15 beautifullll pages, so don't hate. Appreciate. (Yes I am aware that I am lame) Enjoy ! **

I made my way across the lush, green fields of Ouran Academy. After the night from hell, I knew I must have looked positively grotesque. I had showered and done my best to clean up, but it couldn't do much for my puffy eyes and overall crappy appearance.

When I got to class, the twins signaled that they had saved me a seat. I silently made my way over, not wanting to offend them into pestering me.

"Are you excited to learn how to dance?" Hikaru said mischievously.

"I'm not going to go" I said softly, not wanting them to hear how raspy I sounded from my night spent crying.

The teacher came into class before they could convince me otherwise. I spent the rest of the day dodging and avoiding members of the Host Club. I knew that this method couldn't work forever, but I just needed to bide my time, so I could get a hold of myself before the afternoon.

I walked into the Host Club at the last possible second. Tamaki came up to me with a triumphant grin.

"Fine, if you insist on being a boy, then you must learn how to be a gentleman!" he proclaimed, in that painfully obnoxious voice of his.

I was too tired to argue, I didn't even meet his gaze.

"Therefore," he continued, "If you can learn to dance properly, and prove so on the night of the banquet, I will cut your quota in half" he finished.

Now _that_ caught my attention.

My head snapped up. "Really?" I said. Hoping that this wasn't some cruel joke, because if I could finish with the Host Club that much faster, I could have a chance of sinking back into oblivion.

It turns out, Kasugasaki-san had volunteered to teach me how to waltz. I felt really bad for her. My two left feet were even more prominent from being as exhausted as I was, and I was constantly stepping on her feet.

"Oof!" Kasugasaki said, after I landed on top of her accidently in yet another stumble of mine.

"I'm so sorry," I said, not even having the grace to be embarrassed at our close proximity. I helped Kasugazaki to her feet, and we agreed to take a bit of a break.

"I heard you were postponing guests while you practiced," she said conversationally. "I'm glad that I can have a chance to get to know you better." She almost seemed to say it suggestively, but nothing in her demeanor made me really believe that she wanted to be with me in that sense.

Kyouya was walking by for what seemed like the millionth time; was he checking on me or something? Kasugasaki commented on the tea sets.

"Dear me, you have a new tea set. It's Ginori, is it not?"

Kasugasaki gazed lovingly into the cup. Her features softening, she looked so happy. It was definitely a change from the calculated, amused expression she wore most of the time around the Host Club. It suited her, and I wondered why she didn't really show her true self more often.

I started rubbing my head, feeling a headache coming on, when I caught Kyouya looking at me again. I immediately stopped and returned my attention back to Kasugasaki, still feeling Kyouya's gaze boring into my back.

"Wow, you must really like tea sets then" I said amicably.

"WHAT! NO, OF COURSE NOT! OW!" she wailed, burning her hand on her tea.

I smiled hesitantly, wondering why she was so dead-set on hiding why she liked it.

"Why don't we just take you to the Nurse's Office" I said, my foggy brain trying to figure out Kasugasaki's puzzling behavior.

We made our way over to the doctor's office, and inside we found, not a doctor, but another student. When Kasugasaki saw him, her whole persona changed. The unidentified boy seemed very concerned once he saw her burn and came up to grab her hand. I was shocked when Kasugasaki slapped his hand away. A chilling smile came over her face as she draped herself over me and said, "Haruhi-kun will take care of it for me."

Suffice to say, I felt very awkward.

"Are you the assistant nurse or something perhaps?" I said, a little confused.

"What, no! I'm another student." I was about to apologize for my obliviousness when Kasugasaki let out cruel-sounding laugh.

"It can't be helped Haruhi. It's not as if he looks like the heir of a first-rate corporation." The boy laughed good naturedly at her less than welcome display. He merely commented that he was looking for the teacher, knowing he wouldn't be here next semester.

"So, you two are friends?" I said cautiously, trying to muddle through her weird behavior. It had seemed that, once that boy left the room, all of the energy had drained out of her.

"NO, I DON"T EVEN KNOW HIM! IT LOOKS LIKE MY BURNS NOT TOO SERIOUS ANYWAY! FAREWELL!" she said, blushing scarlet.

There was definitely a weird vibe going on here, but I just couldn't wrap my head around it. I was about to exit myself, when Mori-sempai came rushing through with Honey-sempai sobbing on his back. Through my bleary eyes, I saw how worried Mori-sempai looked for Honey, and figured I should at least help him out.

After examining Honey-sempai's arm, which Mori-sempai had stepped on, I saw that it was okay, just a scratch.

"Don't worry, Mori-sempai. It's just a scratch" I said, repeating my thoughts out loud.

Mori smiled, and I couldn't help but admire it. It was a subtle and sweet smile. _He really should do it more often_ I thought to myself. My exhaustion was hitting its peak, and I could barely keep my eyes open at this point. Honey-sempai, who was still on my lap, examined me closely.

"Haru-chan, you don't look so good. Are you feeling alright?" He had the sweet voice of a child, and his concern almost made me want to cry.

"I'm okay, thanks" I said. I think it might have been more convincing had my voice not cracked. I averted my eyes from both Mori and Honey's questioning gazes. As if sensing my unwillingness to confess, Honey-sempai changed the subject.

"So, did you talk to Suzushima-kun earlier?" he said. Sensing the question in my eyes, Honey answered before I even spoke.

"You know the guy who just left, Kasuga-chan's fiancée?"

That left me even more confused than ever about Kasugasaki's weird behavior. Wouldn't she be more friendly towards her own fiancée?

Mori-sempai, Honey-sempai, and I all walked down to the Host Club together, right in time to be ushered into a super-important meeting. They started reviewing the "Kasuga-Suzushima" case, as they called it.

They all seemed to agree that Suzushima-kun was boring, although he was going on an exchange next semester, and that Kasugasaki-san was just fooling around, because she didn't want to be married to someone so boring, and plain, as they so callously put it. I tried to puzzle out the situation in my head. While their explanation seemed plausible enough, I sensed that there was more to the story than they had deciphered.

"Kyouya…" Tamaki began. I looked beside me, and he looked serious, enhancing his attractive features that much more. I quickly looked away.

"You knew about this all along?" He seemed very irritated.

I kept checking the clock, knowing I would have to leave for work any minute, when Hikaru and Kaoru came up.

"Here's a question," Kaoru began.

"If you search Suzushima on the net, what will you find?" finished Hikaru.

I had to leave for work right at that moment, but their question intrigued me. If I had enough time to look at a computer, I would. I tried slipping silently out of the Host Club, but was once again targeted by the twins.

"Not so fast" they said in unison, mischievous eyes twinkling with delight.

"We have to measure you. Please strip." I knew they were just joking, but I didn't even have the energy to roll my eyes.

I followed them to the dressing room, so that they could take my measurements in order to lend me one of their tux's. To be honest, I think the twins were more embarrassed for some of the measurements than I was. So naturally, they continued to make sexual references to cover that fact. When they measured my height, all was fine. It wasn't as if not eating made you shorter. But when they got to width, they gave each other alarmed looks that would have been hard to miss.

"So Haruhi, maybe you should come over to our house for dinner?" Kaoru said pleasantly.

"No, thank you. I have somewhere I need to be" I said, averting my eyes.

Fuck. I knew this had been a bad idea. I should have just let them lend me the clothes without measuring, because then they wouldn't have realized how skinny I was. Even my size zero jeans were a little bit loose. This charade of everything being perfect was getting hard to keep up. The cracks were starting to show. Soon, even Tamaki might begin to realize there was something wrong.

I quickly grabbed my stuff and went to change for work in one of the many stalls. My hands started to shake violently as I undid my uniform. Once my shirt was pulled over my head, I took a long look at my scar. It was thick and long, stretching from my hip across to my ribs. It was starting to become a faded pink, much different from the puckering red it used to be.

I used it as a reminder of what could happen when you let people in. When you trust people. My face turned into a bitter scowl at the thought of the word trust. But no, it was also a reminder of all that I had lost.

I quickly put my shirt back on and wiped the tears from eyes. I walked quickly past Hikaru and Kaoru, away from their questioning and concerned gazes. If things kept up, I might have to skip town again. But where would I go this time? The thought of leaving left an ache in my stomach. Shit. I was getting attached to this place, these boys. I knew I needed to pull it together, and fast.

Shaking away the morbid thoughts, I picked up my pace, knowing that unless I sprinted, and let's face it, I didn't have anywhere near the stamina to do that, I would be late for work.

Hikaru looked at his brother with something similar to panic in his eyes.

"Why is she so skinny?" he demanded, knowing that his brother wouldn't have the answer.

Kaoru smiled a sad smile.

"I don't know. But she's obviously keeping stuff from us" he said.

"Then we should just make her tell us already. Why doesn't she trust us?" he said, angrily. It was irrational, but Hikaru was upset and thrown off by the state Haruhi was in.

"She'll tell us when, and if, she's ready. You know that Hikaru" Kaoru replied. While he seemed very calm, it was only to placate his brother. He was just as upset as Hikaru, and Hikaru knew it.

Haruhi stumbled into work ten minutes late. Nearly passing out from exhaustion, she had run the last four blocks here.

"Shigure, I'm so sorry I'm late" I panted, breathless.

Shigure gave me that brotherly, concerned look, and immediately made me sit down and drink some water. Ah well, as long as he didn't try to make me eat again.

"It's okay, don't worry about it. How 'bout you just go home kiddo?" he said easily.

"No, I can't" I said forcefully. Perhaps a little more forcefully than absolutely necessary.

Shigure gave me a funny look.

"You need the rest" he said firmly.

"What I need," I started, suddenly angry and too exhausted to even care, "is people to stop treating me like a child. I can take care of my own damn self" I said, my volume increasing with each word.

Shigure gave me a shocked, hurt look, and I immediately regretted saying it. What was happening to me? All this man had ever been was kind and understanding.

"I'm sorry. It's been a tough week" I said, immediately backtracking, trying to repair the damage I had so carelessly just caused. "I shouldn't have said that. I completely disrespected you as my employer and-" Shigure silenced me with one icy look.

It surprised me, in the worst way possible. I had never seen Shigure look so mad. I knew that I had taken it too far, and would not be surprised if he decided to fire me.

Tears started welling in my eyes before I could stop them, and I quickly looked away.

"Haruhi," Shigure started, his tone chilling. "You should just go home. Come back when you can show some respect for your employer" he finished.

I didn't want to meet his gaze and see the disappointment and the hurt there. But I had to, if only to torture myself more. I looked up, and saw exactly what I thought I would.

"Do you want me to hand in my resignation?" I said, my voice cracking. But I kept eye contact with him, holding my hands tightly behind my back, so they wouldn't render me into a shaking, sobbing mess.

His eyes softened ever so slightly.

"No. But come back next week, after you've had a good chance to rest" he said. The old tone, filled with warmth and concern, had returned. It was all I could do not to collapse in relief.

"Of course. I am truly sorry Kurosaki-sempai" I replied. Letting, just for a moment, my flood of feelings show through my tone and my eyes. My regret, my desperation, and my exhaustion.

I grabbed the bag I had dropped and started to walk home. About a block away from the restaurant, I collapsed on a bench, too emotionally and physically drained to take even another step. I longed for the days when all I had felt was emptiness. The gaping hole inside of me was being filled, but not with love or happiness, but with more pain, sorrow and heartache than any one person should have to bear.

It was quiet in the park I had stopped in, and I found myself unable to keep my eyes open. I drifted into sleep. And for once, I was too exhausted to have the recurring nightmares of my life on replay.

I awoke feeling stiff and sore. Where was I? Oh no. I had fallen asleep on the park bench for the entire night. I was chilled to the bone, and felt as though I had barely closed my eyes for all the good that sleep had done me. I gathered my things and found a nearby fast food place to change into my uniform.

What I saw in the mirror frightened me. My eyes were bloodshot. I had large bags underneath my eyes that no amount cover up would have been able to fix, and I was frighteningly skinny. Even my face was starting to hollow out, making my cheekbones protrude that much more. I looked at the clock they had in the fast food place, and realized that I had already missed first period.

I didn't know how much more of this I could stand. My life was slipping away from me. And on top of that, I was out of a week of work. I would not have dared argue with Kurosaki-sempai about it, but I was still behind on rent. I knew that, after the banquet tonight, I would have to face my landlord. I cringed at the thought. Today was going to be one hell of a day.

I checked into the office and said that I had been very sick the night before and unable to make it to first period today as such. The secretary was generally a strict woman, all business, but she gave me a smile and told me she would take care of it. Glad that that was over, I made my way to second period.

It turns out Hikaru and Kaoru had still saved a seat for me. I tried to be auspicious, but they fired questions at me, keeping their voices low enough so the teacher would not pay attention to us.

I studiously ignored their interrogation of my whereabouts and my appearance. I skipped lunch to avoid the Host Club and spent my time holed up in a supply closet finishing all of the homework I had been neglecting the last couple of days. Relieved to have that out of my way, I finished afternoon classes in a similar fashion to my morning classes.

I drew in a deep breath as I looked at the doors of the Host Club. This was our time to prepare for the Christmas banquet tonight. I slipped in the room, but was immediately bombarded with more of the twins questions, and since there were no teachers to keep their volume at a low level, they were practically yelling at me.

"I overslept is all" I said quietly.

They gave each other doubtful looks.

"Twins, I need your help over here" proclaimed Tamaki, in that obnoxious way of his.

I shot him a grateful look, and received a concerned one in return. In fact, all of the boys seemed to be looking at me worriedly. Did I really look that bad? Never mind, that wasn't a question I really needed answering. From what I had caught of my reflection during the day, I looked borderline scary at this point. I did the tasks they assigned me, while trying to pretend like I couldn't feel them all staring at me the entire time. They gave me the easiest tasks possible, and I knew it wasn't a coincidence. They had me unroll streamers, and other non-strenuous tasks. I would have been irritated if I wasn't so relieved. Just carrying my book bag was a strenuous task for me these days, and I didn't need the boys to see me so pathetic.

Once I was finished, the twins wordlessly handed me a bag with the suit they had fitted for me inside. I did my best to clean up, and with a shower, and some subtly-applied coverup, I was looking a whole lot better than this morning. If only I could feel better too.

Finally, it was time for the party. I couldn't wait to get this over with. I heard the twins asking Tamaki if I would be up for the plan, and he replied that I would be okay, since it wasn't too hard a job for me anyway. I felt like it should concern me that they were talking about some plan involving me, or at least interest me, but I just couldn't muster up enough feeling to care at this point.

The final decorations had been made while I had been getting ready, and even I had to admit that the place looked gorgeous. The boys all looked handsome in their suits, and the girls looked lovely in their evening dresses. It was such a surreal experience for me. I just wished I could enjoy it.

Tamaki-sempai explained the point system they had come up with. If you win one of the many games, you get a point. Those with the most points in the end get to dance with a member of the Host Club for the last dance, and the winner with the most points got a kiss from Tamaki. It all seemed ridiculous to me, but I knew it wasn't my place to judge.

I stood rigidly off to the side. The twins had sewn in extra materials to the suit, probably to make me look bulkier than I really was, and I felt uncomfortable with the whole situation.

"Haruhi, why do you look so tense?" asked Tamaki-sempai, looking dashing in his grey and white suit.

Wait a minute; did I just call Tamaki dashing? I must have been more sleep deprived than I originally thought.

"I'm just not really used to this," I said truthfully, gesturing around the room. I had never been to any kind of banquet, let alone one so elegant and prestigious.

"Well, what do you normally do for Christmas?" Honey-sempai asked sweetly.

I didn't want to think about what I normally would have done for Christmas. It was too painful. I had wanted to start being more truthful with the Host Club, but there were some things I just couldn't talk about. And this was one of them.

"Normally, we don't do much for Christmas," I lied.

"What are you going to be doing this year, now that you're away from your family?" Honey implored.

"Oh, not much of anything; catch up on my homework, I guess" I said calmly. A celebration of my first Christmas here was not what I needed.

They all looked at me, appalled at my plans, or lack thereof.

"So, this gorgeous party doesn't mean anything to you?" asked Kaoru.

"No fun!" commented Hikaru.

"Well, how about you at least try some of our delicious foods" Kyouya said graciously.

I looked over at the impressive display of undoubtedly expensive foods. My stomach rolled unpleasantly at the thought of consuming that rich food.

"I had a big lunch" I proclaimed, trying to smile, but ending up with more of a grimace.

More concerned looks. Fantastic. At this rate, the whole world would know I had issues by the end of the evening. Thankfully, Kasugasaki-san chose that moment to materialize.

"Haruhi-kun, I was looking all over for you!" she said.

Someone in the distance mentioned Suzushima-sempai. She purposefully fell. I made my way over to her, knowing that I understood why she had been acting so strangely.

"I don't think using those tactics will work" I said sincerely. She gazed up at me with her dark brown eyes, looking vulnerable for the first time.

"Even if you wander around the Host Club to gain his attention, you look happiest when you're looking at tableware" I said, a real smile playing at the corner of my lips at the sweetness of it all.

"Suzushima-sempai's main business is tableware importing, isn't it?" I said. Once I had finished all my homework at lunch, I had gone over to the library to Google it.

Kasugasaki looked sad.

"It's okay. He doesn't care about what I do. He decided to study abroad by himself too." She kept her gaze glued to the floor.

I was about to give her some advice, when Honey-sempai and Mori-sempai came over in a flurry of activity.

"Haru-chan, there you are!" said Honey-sempai excitedly, while Mori-sempai threw me over his shoulder and ran away with me.

Once away from the party, they slowed down a bit, but apparently I wasn't allowed to be put down from across Mori-sempai's shoulder either.

"You're even lighter than last time" he commented quietly, just so I could hear.

"I was recently sick" I said, which technically wasn't a lie, right?

"You said that last time too" Mori-sempai said.

I decided it was probably better if I just stayed silent. I mean, what can you really say to that? I wasn't about to confide in Mori-sempai, no matter how gentle he was being. I was ushered into a random classroom, where it appeared the rest of the Host Club was waiting. They handed me a bag of clothing and said not to ask questions right now, since there wasn't any time. I really could care less at this point, and Mori-sempai's comments had left me shaken, so I did what I was told.

Inside was a dress. Quite a pretty dress, in fact, along with some undergarments that better suited a dress. Kind of embarrassing, but whatever. Once I finished changing, the boys put me in a long-haired wig, which made me wistful for the long hair I used to have, and applied some make-up. They all seemed excited and happy. I just wished I could share their enthusiasm. They talked of how it was Tono who had suddenly come up with the plan yesterday, and preparations had been rushed.

I tuned most of them out, enjoying the silky feel of the pale blue dress they had put me in. It glided over me, without being too clingy. They even thrust some silver stilettos at me, although I knew it would be a miracle if I could even stand, let alone walk in such treacherous shoes.

Tamaki walked in, scolding the boys at leaving the guests all at once. He stopped mid-sentence when he caught sight of me. He was apparently speechless, though I can't say I know why. I just stood there, eyes wide and locked with his. Apparently, it was time to move though, so I started walking away, balancing precariously on my heels. When I turned around to look at Tamaki, he was blushing a crimson red. Ah well, he was a weird kid.

I was sent to a room. At first glance, it appeared empty. But by the window, I saw Suzushima-sempai.

"Oh, are you the one who sent this?" he said, holding up a piece of paper.

He handed it to me, as I read it, I knew it was the work of the twins, and probably Kyouya-sempai too. It talked of how much in love with him I was and all this other crap. It was embarrassing just to read. I don't know anyone who would have no shame as to actually send such a letter. Was this their big plan for me?

"I'm really flattered, but I'm afraid I can't return your feelings. See, there's another girl that I like. Even though she's disgusted with me, and she has some gorgeous guy with her. I want to change. I'll go see the world, and come back a more capable guy for her. Maybe it's a selfish wish, but I really hope she waits for me" he said.

"You're right; that is really selfish" I said bluntly.

"You didn't even try to tell her your feelings, so there's no way she'll understand it. You've already decided, so what's the use of not telling her?" I continued.

"A person can change, right at the moment they wish to change" I finished.

Realization seemed to dawn on him, and he looked grateful.

"You…" He reached a hand to me, and it was right at that moment that Kasugasaki-san came in.

Tears filled her eyes, and she dashed away quickly.

"KANAKO!" Suzushima-sempai yelled, running after her quickly.

I ran to go help Suzushima, and explain the situation to Kasugasaki-san, when I tripped in my heels. I braced myself for the impact, but it never came. Instead, I was enveloped in strong, warm arms. I looked up to see Tamaki-sempai. A small smile touched his lips, and his golden hair was adorably messy.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly, sweetly.

"Sempai?" I said, losing myself in those beautiful, blue eyes of his. My heart was beating faster than normal, and I realized that Tamaki-sempai was still holding me close to him. I tried to clear my brain out and get coherent thoughts going.

"Could it be that you sent Kasugasaki-san here?" I asked.

"Let's go by the window. We'll start counting down to the climax of the party" Tamaki said, guiding me to the window, one hand on the small of my back, and the other holding my hand in his own. _He has great hands_ I thought to myself dreamily, almost falling asleep in the comfort of his embrace.

At this realization, I snapped to. I drew away from him, and stood rigidly watching the scene before me unfold. I rubbed my hands up and down on my arms to try to recreate the heat I had lost when I stepped away from Tamaki-sempai. He put his hand out, as if to warm me again, but dropped it after a few seconds. Good. What I needed now wasn't comfort; it was distance.

As Tamaki reached the end of his countdown, the spotlights went right onto Kasugasaki and Suzushima. "Merry Christmas!" exclaimed Tamaki.

He pulled me close in a hug. It must have been warm in the room, because my cheeks were on fire.

"May there be blessings over the clumsy couple!" someone announced over the speakers.

The entire scenario was very sweet, and I was surprised that it had been Tamaki's idea. It made me see a whole new side to him, and I think I liked it. Suzushima and Kasugasaki looked so happy together, and they danced the last waltz together as well. I changed back into my boy's uniform, but I had mildly sprained my ankle, I think, so I couldn't dance. Which meant that the deal of cutting my debt in half was naught.

I was tired, sore, and had no idea what I was going to do to figure my life out. But well, seeing Kasugasaki and Suzushima, it made me almost happy. At least, I think this is what happiness feels like, all warm and you can't help but smile. It had been so long, and while it pained me to feel such emotions after all that had happened to me, it wasn't exactly something I could stop either.

I felt someone's gaze on me as I smiled. I looked over and saw Tamaki staring at me, even though there was another girl in his arms. I quickly turned away, embarrassed, and yet, I was secretly pleased that he had been staring at me. But that was ridiculous.

It was the end of the night, so it was time for the top point getter to receive Tamaki's kiss.

"And now for the final event, Miyako-hime is the winner, with the most points. She will receive a kiss from none other than Haruhi Fujioka!" Hikaru announced pleasantly.

Tamaki looked absolutely mortified, and was protesting, loudly. Me, on the other hand, I wasn't bothered, more like resigned. What else could go wrong tonight?

Apparently, this had been arranged by the twins and Kyouya. I should have known, those bastards. But Kyouya came up to me and said that he would reduce my debt by one third if I gave the kiss. Mind made up, I moved my way towards the girl.

"Isn't this her first kiss?" Honey-sempai commented.

Tamaki jerked his head over to Honey, as if thinking about the possibility for the first time. It in fact was not my first kiss, but I did not feel obligated to inform the boys of that.

I limped on over to the winner, ready to give her a kiss on the cheek. It all would have been harmless enough had Tamaki not decided to descend his clumsy self upon us.

"HOLD THAT KISS!" he yelled, running over to me.

But as fate would have it, he slipped, pushing me right onto that girl, and into her lips. Tamaki looked utterly embarrassed, and the girl seemed about ready to pass out. Me, I could care less. Although it irked me that Kyouya seemed so pleased and smug with the way the evening turned out.

The girls started chatting and gossiping among themselves. I heard one girl loudly say, "Wow, Tamaki really wanted to give that kiss! He must be some kind of kissing machine."

That gave me the perfect excuse to blow Tamaki off.

"Oh, so that's what that was" I said, giving him the cold shoulder.

"What? No! I was only trying to protect your first kiss!" he whined.

I was fairly certain that that was the truth, since he seemed to be strangely protective where I was concerned. But I had been feeling a little too close and comfortable around him. I was hoping this would put some distance between us.

"I didn't know you were such a greedy person" I finished, giving the appearance of a slightly miffed person.

I decided it was time to bail. I had had enough, and I just wanted to curl up in bed and sleep for the next week. In reality, I would get to have 7 hours of sleep maximum, if I hurried home. I walked quickly, struggling to stay awake. I most definitely did not want another park-bench fiasco like last night.

Once I got back to my apartment building, I was completely and utterly spent. It would be impossible for anything to rile me, or so I thought. But as it turns out, I was wrong.

While making my way slowly up the stairs to my room, I heard someone yelling my name.

"HARUHI!" Shit. It was Levi, my landlord. I turned back around and climbed back down the steps wearily, knowing that I wouldn't be able to avoid him tonight.

As I got closer to Levi, I started to smell the alcohol. _Oh no _I thought, _this wasn't good_. While Levi was normally a kind, if not brisk man, put enough alcohol in him, and he was legendary for the tempers he got into. And now it seemed that his energy was directed towards me.

"You owe me this month's rent, you bitch" he said angrily, slurring his words immensely.

"I can give you most of it" I said. "But I'm still 60 dollars short."

I began backing away slowly, so as not to alarm him.

"GIVE ME THE MONEY YOU HAVE, AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY APARTMENT" he yelled. Neighbors were starting to peek their heads out the windows. But no one came out to defend me.

"Please, I can give it to you tomorrow" I said timidly, trying to back away again. Tears were threatening to spill, and my shaking was reaching its peak.

"Not good enough sweetheart" he said, his words mocking and cruel.

I was about to try and reason with him more, but at that point, he started coming towards me, a sadistic look in his eyes.

"S-s-stay away from me" I said shakily.

I didn't even see the blow coming until it landed.

He struck me right in the chest and sent me flying up the stairs. I was consumed with terror. I threatened to black out, as these visions became familiar. Being struck, tormented, watching people I love suffer. And all at the hands of someone I had trusted.

Snapping back to reality, I ran up the rest of the stairs and slammed the door to my apartment shut. Quickly, I gathered my few possessions and threw them into my duffle bag. The entire process should have taken about a minute, but it took at least five because of my violently shaking hands. I couldn't even see straight anymore, but I pressed through my exhaustion.

All the while, Levi was banging on the door to my apartment, demanding I let him in. I tried to tune him out as best as I could. Once all of my belongings were together, I unlatched the window and climbed out onto the tree beside it.

I hit the ground running, calling up on any and all reserves of strength that I possessed. A few blocks away, in another public park, I collapsed in a heap. I felt my face and realized tears had been streaming down my cheeks.

As soon as the adrenaline was out of my body, I felt the throbbing pain in my chest where Levi had struck me. The reality of my situation crushed down on me, I had nowhere to go.

It was all I could do not to sob. I held myself tightly together, as if letting go would mean I would break down. Car headlights flashed ahead of me. I wiped the stray tears from my eyes and looked up.

A figure stepped out of the car, and I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw who it was.

**Cliffhangers are the worst I know. Here's a shout out to all of my fantastic reviewers!**

**Jaizina- I will make sure to use a translator for the rest of my names, thanks for the suggestion ! Inability to cry would definitely be annoying, but not going to lie it makes me happy. (that you would even think of crying that is) Hope you like the most recent chapter ! (:**

**Ebjeebies- Really liked your recent chapter and I hope you like mine in turn ! **

**Lexi Luu-Thank you ! I really hope I can make more chapters too, but life get's in the way sometimes ya know? Glad you like it (:**

**Paigeydoll- I can't wait to see where this story takes me either ! And yes, writing from Haruhi's POV is depressing to say the least, but it'll get better…maybe ;) Thanks for reviewing!**

**Bored411- Thank you so much ! And yes those damn spelling errors always getting me ;) But I have myself a fantastic beta now so there should be fewer errors! And yeah, I can't wait to see what her problem is and who will help her with it either ;) I have a few ideas but nothing concrete yet !**


	5. Chapter 5

**I impress myself with my quick updates. Thanks so much to my beta who reviewed this in record time ! Wooo (: Enjoy, I figured I would get this up quick so as not to kill you with a cliffhanger. (your welcome)**

**Chapter 5**

I was shocked. How had he known where to find me? "K-Kyouya-sempai?" I said, my voice wobbling embarrassingly.

He walked over quickly. His calculated mask was gone, and in its place was something close to panic. "Haruhi, are you okay?" he demanded, helping me get to my feet.

"I'm f-f-fine" I answered, beginning to shake from the frigid night air.

Kyouya-sempai pulled off his jacket and draped it around my shoulders. I welcomed the heat of his jacket, and tried to wipe the last few tears from my eyes. With an arm around my shoulder, he led me over to the car.

"Shitsuji, bring us home now" Kyouya-sempai ordered the driver.

"What? W-where are we going?" I asked, confused.

"You're coming back to my house, and no, there will be no arguments" he answered, stopping my protests before they even had a chance to leave my mouth.

"Please sempai, I'll be fine. I'll just stay in a motel until I can find something more permanent" I said, finally regaining some semblance of control over my speech.

Kyouya-sempai looked at me with those deep, dark gray eyes, and I knew that the argument had been won. And it most certainly wasn't by me. I stared out the window like a petulant child, unable to show any gratitude to Kyouya-sempai. He was only trying to help me, and I knew that. But I hated accepting charity. Also, him knowing where to pick me up had confirmed my suspicions that he must know almost everything about my past. The big question was, would he tell the rest of the Host Club or not?

"No, I have not told anyone about you, Haruhi" he said, seeming resigned.

How did he always do that, know exactly what I was thinking? It was slightly disturbing to me, and made me not sure if I could really trust him or not. But then again, he could have left me in that park, broken and sobbing. But he hadn't.

I was about to open my mouth to say, I don't know, something grateful perhaps? But Kyouya-sempai silenced me. "We can talk about everything once you've cleaned up and had something to eat" he said.

I nodded my head, knowing that arguing would do absolutely nothing for me. During the rest of the car ride, I was silent, replaying the horrible day again and again. I hadn't even realized that my hands had started to violently shake until Kyouya-sempai put his hand over mine. I looked up at him, surprised, and decided that I kind of liked the feel of his hand on mine. But, just as soon as I thought that, we turned into an enormous drive way, making our way up to an even bigger house.

**KYOUYA;**

I looked over at Haruhi, unable to keep the worry from my expression. If the contact I had placed in Haruhi's apartment buildings hadn't called me right when the fighting started, I might not have been able to find her in time.

When I had gone to stop her hand from shaking, she looked at me with the most wide and vulnerable eyes I had ever seen. It even hurt me, the cold and calculating man, to see her like this. I was done sitting in the shadows watching her hurt herself more. I was going to set her straight, and then maybe I could stop being so concerned for her. I didn't want to be concerned for her, especially not with the way Tamaki felt about her.

Although Haruhi looked exhausted, she couldn't help the surprise from her face when she saw the house. I examined her profile, and then the rest of her, not in a checking-her-out kind of way, but trying to take inventory of any injuries she may have. There was a red spot on her chest that looked like it was starting to bruise, and scratches all along her hands and legs. I assumed those were from trying to get away.

It disgusted me that no one had even tried to help her as that pathetic excuse for a landlord threw Haruhi around. _People are going to pay for that, _I thought, clenching my fists. I willed myself to be calm, and had just regained my composure, when Haruhi turned back around.

"This is our stop" I said, getting out of the car.

I walked around and opened up Haruhi's door for her, a gesture she had clearly not been expecting. It irked me that she hadn't thanked me yet, but at this point she must still be in a great deal of shock. She silently strode behind me as we made our way to the house.

"What about your parents?" She asked me timidly.

I laughed, the sound bitter to my own ears. "Don't worry about it" I said.

I could tell that Haruhi wanted to press the subject further, but she thankfully kept her mouth shut. We walked into my house, and I led Haruhi up to the guest room.

"Shower here. I'll leave some clothes out for you on the bed" I said.

She seemed so relieved, and yet, so guarded. It was a miracle the rest of the Host Club hadn't figured everything out. Although I knew that all, except Tamaki, had their suspicions. I went to my room to try and figure out exactly what I was going to do now. I hated being this unprepared. Normally, I had distinct plans that I always curved to my advantage. But today, I had rushed out in the car on impulse after receiving the call that Haruhi's landlord had essentially thrown her out. I put my head in my hands, trying to regain control of this bizarre situation.

**HARUHI;**

After Kyouya-sempai left the room, I set my ratty duffle bag down and took inventory of the room. I was trying to avoid replaying what had happened in my mind yet again. At this point, I was expecting to wake up from the dream any minute. Surely, I couldn't be so lucky.

I figured I might as well enjoy the dream while it lasted. The room was large, but sparsely decorated. The bed was the neutral colors of black and cream. There was a large, oak desk pushed off to the side, and an impressive amount of dressers lining the opposite wall. There was a bathroom attached to the room, which was a luxury I had not been afforded in a long time.

While the room was lovely and spacious, as was the entire house, it felt…empty. There were no family touches, or anything to make the house personalized. It looked right out of a magazine ad. _Ah well, _I thought, _might as well take that shower. _

I wanted to avoid looking at myself in the mirror, but I knew that I had to face myself eventually. I began to undress, and saw much of what I was used to seeing at this point. Bones sticking out against painfully stretched skin, my scar, bags underneath the eyes. But I had many new cuts on my hands and legs from stumbling down the street and running through the park. Last, I looked at where Levi had hit me. It was an angry red at the moment, and the outlines of a bruise were beginning to form. Thankfully, the Ouran uniform would cover it, so I wasn't too concerned.

I hopped into the steaming shower, and felt some of the tension unwind from my body. I knew that Kyouya-sempai and I would have to have a serious talk later. But for now, I felt almost okay. But the moment was fleeting. I still knew that I had no home, no job for the rest of the week, and a lot of explaining to do.

Taking a nice, long, thirty minute shower, I realized that I couldn't hide out forever. I wrapped myself up in one of the soft towels left folded on the counter and walked out into the room. As promised, the clothes were folded up on the bed. I assumed that they were Kyouya-sempai's, since they were much too large for me. I did my best to roll up the ends of the shirt and pants, but they were still much too large.

It wasn't as if it mattered anyway. Although the shower had helped with my overall appearance, it couldn't erase all the skipped meals and sleepless nights. All of the sudden, it was just too much. My life was a hell. Plain and simple. I curled up on the bed, not caring that Kyouya-sempai would probably be waiting for me.

I was so past exhausted that it was ridiculous. These were the moments that made me understand why people committed suicide, and cut themselves. At least physical pain could heal, but how was I supposed to heal all of the emotional scars left inside of me? I thought that being with the Host Club had started to mend them, but I was as screwed up as ever. Tonight had proved that to me.

I just couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. And I couldn't keep pretending everything was fine. Before I could stop myself, I fell asleep, still crying even in unconsciousness.

**KYOUYA;**

I knocked on the door once, twice. No answer. I peeked my head through and saw that Haruhi had fallen asleep. I can't say that I was surprised. She had been through a lot, physically and emotionally, today. Even before today, she had been going through a lot of stuff. I don't know how or why she stumbled into our Host Club, but I had to take care of her. I really couldn't say where these overwhelming, protective urges kept coming from, but I wanted them to stop. Now.

I was about to leave, when I saw the tears. Haruhi may put up a half-convincing act when she was awake, but in sleep, she couldn't put on her mask. Her face was strained, and lines were starting to form that were not natural for a sixteen year old girl. Before I could help myself, I walked over to the bed and wiped the tears away. If only I could wipe away all the pain I saw as well.

I left abruptly, refusing to welcome the feelings that were beginning to form here. I would talk with Haruhi in the morning. I could only be glad that it was Christmas break, so there weren't too many obligations for me at this time. I returned to my room, and continued mulling over the problem that was Haruhi Fujioka.

**HARUHI**

I awoke feeling well-rested, which hadn't happened for a long, long time. I stretched out, enjoying the feel of the soft, cream duvet cover of the bed. My body protested the movement. I was really sore from my mad dash away from Levi.

Just like that, the events of last night came back to me in a rush, and the blissful feelings in which sleep had brought were dissipated. I rinsed my face off in the bathroom, and brushed my teeth with the unused supplies that were there.

Here it was. I couldn't postpone any longer. I peeked out the doorway, looking for any signs of life. It would be just my luck to run into one of Kyouya-sempai's family members. Come to think of it, I had never even heard a mention of Kyouya-sempai's family. I knew that they were involved in the medicine business, but only because the Ootori name was very well known.

I tried to remember where the kitchen was on the way to my room from last night when I ran into someone. He reached out a hand to steady me, and I found myself in close proximity with Kyouya-sempai.

"There you are. I was just coming to get you" he said.

"I'm sorry I fell asleep" I replied, bowing my head down in the picture of submission.

"It's okay. You've been through a lot. Let's go down to the kitchen, and I'll make you some breakfast" he said. And while I normally brushed off people commenting on 'all I'd been through,' but I knew that Kyouya-sempai was actually trying to comfort me. In his strange and somewhat distant way. Although, if the décor of the house was any indication, he didn't really get a lot of love.

I was rather surprised that Kyouya-sempai could cook. He made a simple meal of scrambled eggs, mixed with some herbs, and a piece of lightly breaded toast. It looked delicious, but I wasn't sure how much of it I could eat.

"Eat small bites" Kyouya-sempai advised me.

I did as I was told, and felt my food actually settling in my stomach for once.

"Now Haruhi, we need to talk" started Kyouya-sempai. His tone was all business now.

"First, I just want to thank you for everything. You didn't need to help me, but you still did. And I won't forget it, Kyouya-sempai" I said quickly. It didn't even begin to explain my gratitude, but I knew if I went much more emotional than that, Kyouya would back off.

"I did it in the interest of the Host Club. Your clientele was slowing down, and other members have started to notice how unkempt you are" said Kyouya-sempai simply.

I found myself slightly disappointed with this explanation. I wasn't expecting any sort of proclamation from Kyouya-sempai, but I was hoping for something a little more heartfelt. Instinctively, I slammed my walls of protection back into place. I chastised myself for my stupidity. Of course he wasn't doing this for me. He didn't care about me. This was the perfect example of what happened when you really started to trust people.

"All the same, I am indebted to you even more now" I finished. I really did mean the words sincerely, but there was an unmistakable edge to my voice. I started to get up, so I could leave this perfect house with its hostile demeanor behind me.

"Where do you think you're going to go?" Kyouya-sempai asked me.

The question didn't even break my stride.

"I'll figure it out. I always do" I said. I had been relying on others too much recently. I needed to start regaining my independence.

"So, running away from home, starving yourself, almost getting fired, and getting kicked out of your apartment is what you call figuring it out?" Kyouya-sempai said.

I whirled around, angry and hurt by his accusing tone.

"You don't get to judge me" I snarled. "I've been through a whole fucking lot, and I'm still going, so I don't need your charity or any of your sympathies. Yeah, maybe things are shitty right now, but I'd rather be living in squalor independently than relying on you and your money" I said, saying the word 'money' as if it was another curse word.

My rant seemed to have broken through Kyouya's well-masked control.

"Goddammit Haruhi, you don't even know what you're talking about!" he yelled, running both hands through his hair in an exasperated motion. "You may try to make it seem like everything's fine with you, but I know that it's not. And others are starting to notice it too. I'm just trying to make sure you take care of yourself" Kyouya-sempai finished, seeming to gain some control.

I was speechless. I had never seen Kyouya-sempai get so riled up over something.

"I can take care of myself" I said pathetically. I wasn't even able to convince myself of that anymore. And Kyouya-sempai most certainly wasn't fooled.

"Just sit back down" Kyouya-sempai said, almost pleadingly.

I collapsed onto the nearest chair and held my head in my hands. I didn't want to deal with this right now, any of it. But it was about time that I stopped running away from my issues. I brought my head up to meet Kyouya's eyes.

"How much do you know?" I asked, resigned.

"Just about everything" he said, gray eyes shining with sympathy.

"I'm sorry," I said, unable to keep my voice from shaking. "I'm really, really sorry." And with that, the flood of tears that had been prickling behind my eyes came raining down.

Kyouya-sempai took me up in his arms and hugged me. He didn't say a word, and I was grateful for that. I didn't need him to tell me it was going to be okay, because it wasn't. At least, not in the foreseeable future. I found myself hugging him back, and I knew that things were going to change between us now.

We both pulled away at about the same time. I wiped away the rest of the tears from my eyes and kept them glued to the floor.

Kyouya-sempai grabbed my chin and jerked it up so I couldn't avoid his eyes yet again.

"Don't be ashamed to grieve. The famous poet, Antonia Portia, once said, "Man who does not grieve, hardly exists at all." So, I'm not asking you to forget about it, or move on from it. But accept that this is the way things are" he said kindly, gently.

This was an entirely new side to Kyouya-sempai, but I knew that it wouldn't last. He would return to being perfectly controlled, sooner rather than later.

**KYOUYA;**

After the painfully emotional scene in the kitchen, I gave Haruhi some time to get her bearings and take a nap. I couldn't believe how unfocused I had gotten. My plan last night had been to convince Haruhi I was only helping her for the good of the Host Club, and to make sure she wasn't struggling for money too much at this point.

But that all backfired. She became so mad that I couldn't help but be angry in return. But just like that, she became distraught and helpless again, all the indignation fading out of her. I couldn't just stand there and let her cry. It was idiotic, allowing myself such indulgences. But seeing her like that, I had to take her in my arms.

"Shit, shit, shit!" I cursed to myself.

From now on, I vowed to be different, less attached to Haruhi. It was too painful, otherwise. Not only was pain evident, but I felt guilty as well. And that did not sit well with me.

**HARUHI;**

Even though I had only been up for a few short hours, I fell into a deep sleep yet again, but in the middle of the afternoon, I awoke at about six o clock and figured that it was time to get out of here. I wandered around the house, hoping to bump into Kyouya-sempai again. Thankfully, I stumbled upon his room only a few short minutes later. He was typing away furiously at his computer, and I wondered what in the world he was doing.

"Kyouya-sempai" I said hesitantly, not wanting to disturb him.

"Oh, you're awake," he said.

"I think it's about time I left; don't you?" I said quietly. I didn't want to start another fight.

"I found an inexpensive, yet nice place for you to live" he said, getting up from his chair.

"You didn't have to do that," I said, ashamed of the way I had acted, and even more ashamed that I was in such a vulnerable position.

"Yes, I did" he said simply.

So, Kyouya-sempai took me to a new apartment building, in a much friendlier neighborhood. It was still within walking distance from the school, and from work. Even more conveniently, it was right near a supermarket. I couldn't have found anything more perfect had I tried.

I looked over to Kyouya-sempai, gratitude shining in my eyes.

A smile played at the corners of his mouth, and it was a change from the serious, stoic expression that he usually wore. Things had changed irreparably between Kyouya and me, although I wasn't quite sure how I felt about that.

We said our goodbyes awkwardly, and I crumpled onto the single bed in my apartment right when I got in.

Things were starting to look up, or so I thought. Things were still going to be hard, and I had a long way to go until I could even think of recovering. But somehow, I felt lighter. I still carried my own personal clouds, but some of the burden had been lifted.

**Your welcome for updating so quickly, it'll probably never happen again so enjoy. For those of you who like Kyouya your welcome ;) And just so you know this is not the end of the story by far. I have many plans (laughs evil laugh) so don't think things are gonna go Haruhi's way all of the sudden. PS. Yes I totally put a quote from Criminal Minds in, be impressed. And if you have never watched Criminal Minds, be ASHAMED. Thanks to all who reviewed, your fantastic ! (:**


	6. Chapter 6

So I'm reallllyyyyyy sorry that it took me so long to update ! Updates will DEFINITELY be coming faster, so bear with me please ! This is just a short filler chapter for now, but I will post a nice long chapter within the next two weeks. So without further adieu enjoy !

Disclaimer: I do not own ouran.

Chapter 6

I grabbed my school stuff, and looked at the modest apartment that Kyouya-senpai had found for me. I was incredibly grateful, but also a little confused. What did that mean for our relationship? Knowing Kyouya-senpai, it had to be advantageous to him in some way. But it didn't matter. Just because I was trying to turn my life around didn't mean I wanted to get involved with any boys. Not to mention the fact that the entire school thought I was a boy.

For the first time in a while, I felt okay. Not great, not all that strong, but okay. It was a relief not to have to pretend so much anymore. I was still quiet, and a little bit sad. But at least now I wasn't in a constant state of anxiety.

The day passed by in a blur of idle chatter and boring lectures. I almost found myself looking forward to going to the Host Club. While those boys were ridiculous, they were always so alive and happy. It made me feel alive just to be near them. I walked quickly down the remaining hallway, and found myself being shoved into the dressing room with a kimono in hand.

It was a beautiful kimono, with a delicate floral pattern in shades of soft yellow and blue. I had to keep my kimono tighter than the other boys so that none of my chest, or the band wrapped around it, was visible.

As usual, the girls were swooning at each of the boys' stations. There was Tamaki-senpai, with his hair extension fitted into a ponytail. On most boys, I would think that positively ridiculous, not to mention unattractive, but it did not take away from Tamaki-senpai's beauty in the slightest.

I watched Hikaru and Kaoru perform their acts of incest dutifully, rolling my eyes inwardly. When the girls caught sight of me, they started a round of giggles and high pitched squeals. It never ceased to amaze me how shallow these girls could be. They were all perfectly nice and everything, but there was no depth to them.

I went to go find my own place to entertain guests when I almost ran into Kyouya-senpai.

"You're guest service has been pretty stable lately. I guess reducing your debt by one half has helped too. But I won't mention interest rates, or the rental cost of the kimono" he said pleasantly, a near evil glint in his eyes.

I can't say I was surprised. Just because things had gotten a little intense over the break didn't mean that Kyouya-senpai wouldn't continue to be his usual, conniving self. I almost felt a little disappointed, but as quickly as the thought entered my mind, I removed it.

"Haru-chan! I lost my sandal" Honey-senpai said sadly with his child-like voice, tears in his eyes.

The girls rushed over to help him look, all completely charmed at the unshed tears of Honey-senpai. I joined in the search for his sandal. Just then, Mori-senpai placed the missing sandal on Honey-senpai's foot.

"It was over there" he said simply.

Now it was Mori-senpai's turn to have the girls swoon over him. Mori-senpai and Honey-senpai's relationship was one that I had never seen before. They were completely devoted to one another, a bond just as strong as blood lay between them. Yet Mori-senpai seemed subservient to Honey-senpai's wishes. It was strange, but also sweet the way they had each other. I realized that I was a little envious of their relationship.

While I had been pondering the mechanics of their connection, I had unashamedly been staring. Mori-senpai caught my eye, and I quickly looked away. I didn't need that dark, penetrating gaze to be fixated on me. Honestly, it was like looking into bottomless pools of the darkest chocolate, and he seemed to see right through my acts. Was there a person who couldn't at this point?

I glanced over at , there was probably someone who had no idea. I noticed he was muttering sweet nothings to another girl with unshed tears in his eyes. Come to think of it, the twins had had tears in their eyes as well. What was with the tears today? Just as the thought crossed my mind, I bumped into Hikaru.

"Sorry, Haruhi" he said simply, but I wasn't paying attention.

I picked up the tiny bottle that had fallen from his pocket, and realized that it was artificial tears. I was about to ask the obvious question aloud, but was silenced when Kaoru put his hands over my mouth. It was hard not to notice how large and commanding his hands were when they were on my mouth.

"It's really common knowledge for all hosts" Kaoru said.

"Except Honey-senpai and Tono don't need them" Hikaru finished.

"Here are some high-classJapanese teacakes for you, ones that commoners would never be able to afford" Hikaru offered, as some kind of bribe, I'm sure. They just loved to point out that I was a commoner.

He placed it in my hands, while Kaoru finally let go of my mouth. The girls nearby moved closer and looked at me expectantly, no doubt assuming I would eat the cake. I looked at it, and before the words could go through the filter in my brain that stops me from saying stupid things, I said "This would be a really nice grave offering." I said it quietly, sadly,and knew that at this point I could probably produce my own tears with no help from the eye drops. I blinked my eyes rapidly, and tried to picture happy things.

Predictably, the girls swooned at my unshed tears.

"Who would you leave the grave offering to, Haruhi?" one of the girls asked sweetly.

While she didn't mean any harm by the question, my heart gave a painful lurch, and I felt as if somebody had punched me. I concentrated hard on my breathing, and formulated my lie on the spot.

"My grandpa died last year" I said in a rush. My lying skills really needed some work. Regardless, they seemed to buy my flimsy excuse.

"That's so tragic!" one of them wailed.

"We weren't all that close" I said, plastering a smile on my face.

Tamaki came over, and began piling the cakes on my hands.

"Here you are, dear child" he said. "Take as many as you like."

He was so obnoxiously ridiculous it was embarrassing.

Everyone who had been gawking and swooning now began to return to their posts, much to my relief.

"I didn't know that about her grandfather." Honey-senpai said adorably.

It almost made me want to confide in the Host Club,explain the whole sordid tale. But I couldn't do that. I refused to be caught vulnerable in front of them. It was my burden to bear, and mine alone.

I could still feel the tears prickling at the back of my eyes, so I decided to go to the bathroom to hopefully collect myself. On the way, I felt eyes on me. I turned around, and I saw Kyouya-senpai. I thought I saw something like concern in his eyes, but as soon as the thought came, I heard a very loud and unfamiliar girl shout at Tamaki. It left me wondering if Kyouya-senpai had really been concerned, or if it had just been a trick of the light.

"Don't touch me, you faker!" the new girl shrieked.

Tamaki-senpai seemed shocked, and more than a little perturbed at this development.

"I CANNOT believe that you are recognized as a Prince in this club! You shouldn't sprinkle your love so easily. Don't you know it makes girls' hearts tremble if you smile with sorrow" she shrieked at poor, dumbstruck Tamaki.

"Why do you look so stupid?" she continued, voice still raised. "It's as if you're an air-headed narcissist, useless! Too ordinary!" she finished.

With every insult she threw at him, Tamaki seemed to be in physical pain. It was almost comic. Tamaki-senpai seemed unable to remain standing any longer, and fell backwards dramatically in a way that only he could pull off.

I looked at Kyouya-senpai, who had turned to look at the girl. I saw a spark of recognition in his eyes.

"Could it be that you're..." he started.

"KYOUYA-SAMA!" the girl shouted, tears in her eyes.

She flung herself onto Kyouya-senpai.

"I wanted to see you so badly! My prince" she said, clinging to him.

I was utterly shocked.

Thankfully, I wasn't the only one. It appeared that the entire Host Club was baffled by this revelation. Kyouya-senpai looked slightly annoyed, but did not seem phased in the slightest. As odd as this turn of events was, it had made me forget about my problems for a moment. Forgetting was good. It was the only way of escaping. So while I had no idea who, or what, this girl was, I was thankful that she had created such a disturbance.

"Hello everyone! My name is Houshakouji Renge. I'm Kyouya-sama's fiancée" she said happily, her entire demeanor changing in mere seconds.

I was utterly shocked. Kyouya-senpai had a fiancée? He might have mentioned that fact before. I looked over at him, but his face remained as passive as ever.

I felt waves of anger emanating from a corner of the room. I looked over and found Tamaki-senpai sulking. He was glaring at Kyouya-senpai.

"He's mad because Mom was keeping something from Dad" Kaoru said.

In this situation, I had to assume that Kyouya-senpai was 'Mom,' and Tamaki-senpai was 'Dad.' Renge was apparently not listening to a word of the Host Club. She seemed caught up in her own fantasy world.

"It was love at first sight!" she exclaimed bashfully. "Being affectionate to the backyard plants, helping stray kittens when he thought no one was looking" she continued.

Everyone stared at her in disbelief. This sounded like the exact opposite of Kyouya-senpai. I liked to think that I had seen his kind side, and it did not even come close to what Renge was describing.

"Must be the wrong person" I said, no sarcasm or malice in my tone,just simply stating a fact.

Kyouya-senpai gave me a rueful glance. I quickly looked away, realizing that must have sounded pretty rude.

"NO! MY EYES SAW THE PROOF!" shouted Renge, enraged that I would question her claims of Kyouya-senpai's supposed acts of kindness.

"Kind to everyone, never asks for anything in return. Loves solitude, but actually hates the loneliness" Renge continued.

I was glad to see I wasn't the only one who was disbelieving of Renge's claims. Hikaru and Kaoru seemed to be fighting off laughter, Mori-senpai just looked confused, and Honey-senpai wanted to believe the best in everyone, so he took Renge's claims to heart.

"-the throbbing love simulation game, you! You, who looks like Ichijo Miyabi-kun from Oki Doki Memorial" finished Renge.

"OTAKU!" most of the members of the Host Club yelled,with the exception of me, Mori-senpai, and Kyouya-senpai.

"Ahh, I see," began Kyouya-senpai, "she has a lot of interest in this character, replaces me with him, makes me her fiancée, and then gets lost in her wild fantasies."

"How are you so calm about this? Isn't she your fiancée?" Tamaki questioned incredulously.

"I don't remember affirming that fact once" Kyouya-senpai said in that pretentious way of his.

"You might've mentioned that earlier" said Hikaru.

A flood of relief went through me when Kyouya-senpai said he didn't have a fiancée. I ignored it, and focused on the conversation at hand.

Renge seemed oblivious to our conversation. Instead, she was going on about how Kyouya-senpai was such a great store manager, and how he pretty much ran the Club. The girl was clearly a little loopy, but she had already figured out who was really in charge of the Club.

Renge kept going on about how she wanted to bake for the Host Club's store and all that. The twins and Tamaki-senpai were throwing negative comments her way, but she wasn't listening, intent only on the conversation she was having with herself. At last, she proclaimed "I'll be an Administrative Assistant for the Host Club!"

Everyone stared at her with expressions of dread. As always, she didn't notice.

Tamaki-senpai and the twins looked at each other, then at me. _Oh no, _I thought.

"Haruhi is in charge of your Host training!" they yelled, while scrambling to get away from Renge as fast as they could. I personally thought that their treatment of her was a bit harsh. So what if she lived in a fantasy world? I knew better than anyone that fantasies were always better than the cold, harsh reality.

I hadn't meant to think of depressing things. I really had been doing better thanks to Kyouya-senpai's help. But I had some serious issues even therapy probably wouldn't help. I did a mental shutdown, and turned to Renge, trying to remain calm and friendly.

I was thinking of protesting to Kyouya-senpai, but I knew that I at least owed him, and the rest of the Host Club, enough to take care of Renge for a day.

Kyouya-senpai gave me a funny look, and I realized he could probably see right through my controlled mask. It pissed me off. But mostly it just made me feel resigned. I was so sick of caring if everyone found out my life story. But even as I thought that, I knew I couldn't really tell them anything. Kyouya-senpai had found out for himself, but as far as I knew, he hadn't told anyone else.

He had said that he wouldn't, but I couldn't trust Kyouya-senpai. He had been kind, yes, but I'm sure there had been an ulterior motive. I looked at Renge, and decided to make her my distraction. My thoughts were always going in circles. I just wanted a few minute's rest.

I started to think about how unfair my life had been so far, but these thoughts never got me anywhere. Unconsciously, I started mentally replaying the events of that night. I physically winced, and tried with all my might to forget.

I closed my eyes tightly, and held my hands together to get rid of the shaking. My shaking hadn't been so bad recently, but whenever I thought about things, my hands started trembling full-force. Renge flounced off, saying she'd meet me in the kitchen in five, seemingly ignorant of the anguish inside my mind.

Taking deep breaths to calm myself, I stared straight at the wall, begging myself not to cry. At last, my eyes completely dried, but the painful knot inside my chest had tightened perceptibly. I had thought that it was starting to loosen; I had slowly started eating again. But that was clearly not to be.

Finally calmer again, I made my way to the kitchen, not knowing that someone had been there to see my almost breakdown.

**TWINS POV**

Hikaru gave Kaoru a panicked look.

"What the hell was that?" he demanded, knowing that Kaoru would hold no answers for him.

They had both seen Haruhi. She had looked to be in physical pain. Her hands had been trembling, she'd been clutching her chest, and she had been trying with all her might not to cry. It seemed that she was okay now, but the twins had always noticed something was off.

"That thing about her grandpa was clearly a lie." Kaoru commented.

"If that was a lie then hat else has she been keeping from us?" Hikaru answered.

It was a shock for the twins that there was someone who could always tell them apart, without fail. Even their mother hadn't achieved that feat. But surely Haruhi realized that if she could read them so well, they could read her too? Apparently not. They had wanted to confront her for a while about this, but while Hikaru wanted to demand answers, Kaoru knew that she had to be ready to tell them. And if she wasn't ever ready, then they would help her when they could. And watch her try to suffer in silence.

It pained them both, and while neither would ever admit aloud to caring for another person besides each other, they had come to care for Haruhi. With a last, unsettled look between them, they walked off, trying to figure out the puzzle that was Haruhi Fujioka.

Hope you enjoyed, as always R&R :)


	7. Chapter 7

Thank you to everyone so far who has read and reviewed (: You guys are the reason I try to update quicker ! So here we go, ten pages. Enjoy. I'll try to post more regularly, probably about every two weeks. But enough about me, read already !

Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran.

…_Chapter 7…_

I quickly made my way to the kitchen, not wanting to unleash Renge's wrath if I kept her waiting. Once there, I gave a curt nod and grabbed an apron. As luck would have it, the apron was pink and white checkered. How cute. I tied a matching bandana around my head to keep my hair out of my face, and turned to Renge.

"You know how to cook, Haruhi?" she said. Her face was almost sparkling with barely repressed glee.

"Umm... yes. I've always enjoyed cooking" I said amicably.

"So, what do you know about baking?" I asked Renge, as I started rifling through drawers and pantries, finding the necessary ingredients and tools.

"Umm…" was all Renge could say.

I looked up at her, and groaned inwardly. I was fairly certain she knew nothing about cooking.

We started, me giving Renge simple directions for an easy cookie recipe I had used many times before. At first, it wasn't so bad, just measuring things out; pretty hard to do wrong. But then she started melting her chocolate wrong, and mixing the wrong things together. I was scrambling trying to keep up with her.

As I had originally thought, Renge proved to be a great distraction. I almost forgot about my breakdown just less than an hour before. Almost.

I heard a noise, and turned my head towards the door. There were all the Host Club boys staring and watching. I looked at Hikaru and Kaoru. Instead of their normally mischievous expressions, they looked more thoughtful. It was odd to see them so serious. They were both handsome boys, but it was rare to see them so somber. I brushed it off and continued following around Renge, trying to fix each new disaster she created.

**KAORU'S POV**

Me and Hikaru shared a knowing look as Haruhi turned back to help Renge. She just looked so damn cute. I know that Hikaru thought so. He couldn't take his eyes off of her for more than a moment. I had to admit that I was reluctant to do so myself.

We had decided that, since we couldn't confront Haruhi, we would do our best to cheer her up. She wasn't an easy audience to entertain, but if we could keep her preoccupied then she would have less reason to cry.

It pissed me off. But I was better at keeping in control than Hikaru. If I agreed, I knew that Hikaru would be willing to practically shake the truth from Haruhi. While I was tempted, I knew that wasn't the answer. It was just so frustrating, having to see her try so hard in front of us. It hurt me and Hikaru that she couldn't just be honest about herself. We just had to give it time. She was better though. Hikaru and I knew best, because we had class with her, but after the winter break she had seemed to be much chattier.

I think that the three of us are growing closer. It makes me happy.

I looked over at Tono, and saw him practically salivating over Haruhi in her little apron. I knew that eventually that would be a problem. He was kind of an idiot where he himself was concerned, but he had to catch on to his own feelings eventually, right? But that was a problem for later. I don't want anything to change between any of us right now. It's too soon. We are just starting to feel like family. Even Haruhi has been loosening up… sort of.

But I think something odd happened with her and Kyouya. He keeps giving her these weird, concerned looks, but then he looks at Tamaki and looks away. Things are just too damn confusing right now.

While I had been lost in my thoughts, Tono had apparently been talking. I only caught the end of what he said.

"This can be a project to make Haruhi realize she's a girl!" he ended obnoxiously.

At that moment, Renge came out telling him to shut up, calling him a "fake king." Of course, Tamaki retreated to a corner and curled up like a wounded animal. Renge started throwing herself at Kyouya-senpai and offered him cookies.

We all took one, and me and Hikaru looked at each other before loudly claiming how disgusting

they were. Even Honey-senpai wouldn't eat them, and he lives for sweets.

**HARUHI'S POV**

I glanced over, and saw the boys' disgusted faces over Renge's cookies. As hard as I had tried to keep up with her, they just hadn't turned out well.

"I think mine turned out okay" I said quietly to myself, not expecting anyone to pay attention.

I put one in my mouth, and was surprised when Kaoru grabbed my head as if to pull me in for a kiss. My breath caught a little bit, as he leaned forward and took a bite out of my cookie.

I could feel Tamaki-senpai's gaze on us as if it were an actual force.

"It tastes really good. Can you bake a cake next time?" Kaoru said pleasantly. He patted the top of my head, and I almost laughed at his ridiculousness.

"Oh Haruhi, you have some cream on your face" Hikaru said. I went to wipe it off with my hand, but before I got a chance, Hikaru licked it off of my face.

"Hey, what was that for?" I said. Not accusingly. I didn't really care. It was just odd, but at the same time, I found it very funny. I tried not to let it show, but my amusement must've shown in my eyes, because Kaoru and Hikaru both gave me big grins.

"If you wanted a cookie, there's plenty more Kaoru, and Hikaru, I could've gotten it off myself" I said, trying to chastise the boys, but they saw right through my pretended offense.

Tamaki-senpai grabbed my face then. What was with these boys touching me today?

"Your reaction was all wrong!" he yelled. "You're supposed to REJECT them, not let them go!" he finished.

I averted my eyes from his startlingly blue ones, and took the easy route out.

"Please stop this sexual harassment, kissing machine" I said nonchalantly.

Of course, Tamaki-senpai exploded, but he backed away from me, thankfully. At the end of the Christmas Ball, when he had pushed me into that girl for our kiss, everyone had proclaimed that he was a kissing machine, and that he had wanted the kiss so badly for himself. I was fairly certain that that wasn't the case. But, at any rate, he had been pulling a little too close, so I had expertly pushed him away and made it look like it was his fault.

"That was sexual harassment, but what the twins did wasn't?" he yelled at me.

I rolled my eyes and chose not to answer. Thankfully, I didn't have to, because Renge, who I had almost forgotten, took this chance to make a startling announcement.

"EVERYONE'S CHARACTERS ARE BAD!" she proclaimed obnoxiously. "Except Kyouya-sama" she added, giving Kyouya-senpai an affectionate look.

Honestly, this girl could rival Tamaki-senpai for ridiculous.

We all looked at her curiously.

"You lack any negative aspects. Girls will eventually get tired of you and move on" she stated. "Are you trying to make Kyouya-sama's store go bankrupt?" she accused.

"You!" she yelled, pointing at Honey-senpai.

Tears filled his eyes, as he cowered back in fear from Renge.

"I don't like this cute on the inside and outside, so let's make it cute on the outside, but inside… A BEAST!"

"NOOOOOO!" wailed Honey-senpai, running to Mori-senpai's arms.

Mori-senpai's role was essentially the same. He was to follow Honey-senpai around, while making dignified speeches every once and a while.

The twins were to be depressed that no one could tell them apart, and they played basketball.

Then, she turned to me and told me that I was to be the super poor honour student that was actually being bullied.

Finally, she arrived at Tamaki-senpai. He was to be a popular, charming idol, but with a complex: The Lonely Prince.

Everyone minus Tamaki-senpai gave each other looks, conveying how ridiculous we all thought this was.

"…It suits me very well…" said Tamaki-senpai to himself.

I groaned inwardly. If Tamaki-senpai was onboard with this idea, then everyone would have to go along with Renge's characters.

"Kyouya-sama, you're perfect" Renge said, giving him a sweet and innocent look. "Please always stay affectionate."

"My pleasure," said Kyouya-senpai in a snarky tone. He looked over my way and gave me a little wink. I had to turn away so Renge wouldn't see my laughter.

Since Tamaki-senpai was already conjuring up poses in which to convey his character, I knew that Renge had gotten her wish.

What I didn't know was how we'd end up filming everything.

It started with the twins in an emotional scene. Hikaru hurts himself playing basketball, and urges Kaoru to go on without him. Those boys could be quite convincing, but I always seem to see through their antics to the core of it.

Just like I know they were trying to cheer me up yesterday with the cookies. I don't know why they did it, but I really appreciated it all the same.

Of course, I couldn't let them know that I knew. Otherwise, they would be embarrassed. Still, I was thankful all the same.

Tamaki came up at the end of the twins' scene, proclaiming how lucky they were to have each other. How he was so lonely.

I couldn't seem to look anywhere but at Tamaki-senpai at that moment. This morose exterior of his was completely different from the way he normally was. It made me a little sad to watch, and I almost found myself wishing for our obnoxious Tamaki to come back.

Next was my scene with Honey-senpai and Mori-senpai.

I was running through the grounds of the school. I had to stop, with Honey-senpai standing over me menacingly.

It was actually rather frightening, seeing Honey-senpai like this.

"Bitches need to learn their place" finished Honey-senpai on his speech about how commoners don't belong.

I was trying my best to look scared, when Honey-senpai's eyes filled with tears and he jumped into my lap, hugging me.

"I'm so sorry, Haru-chan ! I'll never say those bad things again" he wailed.

"It's okay, Honey-senpai" I said, hugging him back.

"CUT" yelled Renge loudly.

The twins started complaining about their scene, and Honey-senpai couldn't seem to stop crying. It was all a mess. I don't know how we got from character changes to filming a movie. It was a Hollywood film crew, and they were speaking English to one another.

I made my way over to practice my English. It had been months since I had spoken it, even though it was my first language.

"Hello there," I started politely.

They all looked at me curiously.

"You speak English?"

"Yes, I was born in Canada. Both my parents were Japanese, so it's my second language" I said.

My accent was a bit off, I knew, but I was happy to be able to speak my native tongue.

The twins, Mori-senpai, and Honey-senpai regarded me curiously. I was pretty sure they couldn't speak English.

Before I could go into a deeper conversation with the crew, Tamaki-senpai came running up with a big smile on his face.

"Haruhi! How was my acting?" he asked.

It was nice to see a smile back on his face.

"It was pretty good," I said, wondering why he was so enthralled.

"I really like this character! I was thinking about staying like this for a while, getting to know the darker part of me" he said, still smiling.

"I think you're good just the way you are right now" I said.

I looked him over, and realized that it wouldn't be the same if he wasn't so happy and energetic all the time. Yes, the boy could be troublesome, but he had a certain air about him that I envied.

He was without worry or care, and I wanted him to stay that way.

"Haruhi, could you help me?" Renge asked cheerfully.

"Of course, what do you need help with?" I asked, making my way over, and leaving Tamaki-

senpai with a somewhat stunned look on his face.

"I'd like these Class D people to be the bad guys in our film. Could you please explain their roles?" she said sweetly.

The guys definitely did not look happy about this. In fact, I think this was the first time they were hearing it.

The boys were hurt that their rough exterior made Renge immediately pinpoint them as bad guys. She kept going on about her script and how they would fit, and as she went, the boys got angrier and angrier.

Trying to diffuse the situation, I said "Renge, if you're only judging people based on the surface value, don't you think there's a lot you would miss?"

I said it kindly and plaintively, trying to get her to understand that whole 'can't judge a book by its cover' lesson.

My message seemed to pass over Renge's head.

"Here, come with me," she said, grabbing one of the boy's arms in a less than kind gesture.

"Asshole. Just because you're from Class A doesn't mean you're better" the guy said.

With that, he shoved Renge, hard.

Without thinking, I ran behind her to try and steady her, but she had too much momentum, and as such, she fell on top of me.

I landed on the concrete hard, my shoulder banging into the wall. I could already feel an angry bruise forming. As luck would have it, one of my contacts popped out too.

"Ow" I said quietly, unable to keep tears from springing into my eyes.

I covered my face with one hand, while holding my contact in the other.

"Haruhi!" Tamaki yelled, turning the corner.

I looked up at him, tears barely staying in my eyes, face red.

Before I knew it, Tamaki-senpai ran at those guys and punched them both. Hard. To be honest, I didn't think he would be able to punch so hard.

"Do you want to be expelled?" he said cruelly, pushing one of them against the wall.

I was utterly shocked. I had never seen Tamaki-senpai so angry.

"No, we're sorry. She started it!" they said, pointing at Renge.

Tamaki-senpai let the guy off the wall, and they both ran off together quickly.

Tamaki-senpai turned around and ran to me. He grabbed my face in his hands. "Haruhi, are you okay?" he demanded.

His concern made more tears come to my eyes. I had no idea he would do such a thing for me.

_Not for you, silly _my inner voice said with cynicism. _He would probably do it for anyone... _I

thought, trying not to feel disappointed.

Still, he was so close, and all I could see was the startling blue of his eyes.

"I-it-it's just my contact" I stammered, trying to ignore the throbbing of my shoulder where it had hit the wall.

I put the contact back in quickly. "There, all better" I said, putting a smile on my face, even though it pained me to do so.

He gave me one last look, and then started to laugh.

"Camera, did you get that?" screamed Renge.

The sound of breaking glass made me look over and see that Kyouya-senpai had broken the camera lens.

He continued to chastise Renge in a less than kind way about how the Host Club members can't be caught on tape promoting violence, and that she was being a nuisance. I thought he was being a touch insensitive, but somebody had to tell Renge eventually.

Tears filled her eyes as she said "But you should be telling me 'don't worry about it,' and patting me on the head." She sounded despairing.

"Ahh, but that's not the real Kyouya" Tamaki said gently.

Renge stayed on the ground, knees hugged to her chest.

Even the twins decided to be kind, and remarked on how it had been kind of fun.

I went over to Renge, ignoring the pain in my shoulder. I crouched down, and said, "I think it's fun, to get to know people little by little, and discovering them that way." I smiled at her, a real smile. _She isn't so bad _I thought to myself.

"I'm sorry, for causing all this trouble" she said softly.

I went to stand by the rest of the Host Club, and everyone just grinned at her and left it at that. As we turned to walk back to the music room, I realized how lucky I was to have people like this who cared for me, and who I cared for. It had been a long time.

I was scared, really scared, that something would happen to take me away from these strange, yet wonderful, boys. I saw that the boys were quite ahead of me now, except Tamaki-senpai. He looked at me thoughtfully, which was when I noticed the blood on his hand.

Without thinking, I grabbed his hand into both of mine and inspected it.

He blushed red at my forwardness, but I pushed through.

"Tamaki-senpai, it looks like you've scraped up your knuckles pretty bad. Let me take you to the nurse."

He followed silently, hand still in mine.

The nurse wasn't there, but I bandaged and cleaned his hand as best as I knew how.

"There you go. That should be good" I said.

I felt guilty. His hand was damaged because of me.

He put a hand gently on my injured shoulder, and I grimaced in pain.

Taking my face in his good hand, he said, "Haruhi, this is not your fault." I couldn't bring myself to look away from his too perfect face.

"I'm sorry, senpai" I said respectfully, refusing to be caught emotionally off-guard.

"Nothing to be sorry for. Thank you for taking care of me." He flashed me one of those rare, completely genuine smiles. No ulterior motives, just pure gratitude was within him.

I found myself smiling in return before I could even think of it.

Tamaki-senpai left, and I promised to be back in the music room in a few minutes.

I quickly pulled my jacket off, and rolled down my shirt to look at my shoulder.

It was bruised badly already, turning an angry, purple-red. Some of the skin had scraped off during my fall, and my shirt was now stained with blood. I sighed, pulled my shirt back over my shoulder, and popped my jacket on. It was sore, but I couldn't properly deal with it myself. I would at least wait until I got home.

Before I could exit the room, the twins appeared.

"Please strip, Haruhi" Kaoru said

I knew that I had been caught. Resigned, I pulled off my jacket. Hikaru and Kaoru shared an alarmed glance when they saw blood through my button up shirt.

"It's fine guys, really, just a scratch" I said, trying to brush it off.

"Let's see it" Hikaru said.

I unbuttoned my shirt and took it off. With only my tank top on, you could see the full damage of my fall. It went across my entire right shoulder. I was glad I wrote with my left hand, as this side would be sore for a while.

Hikaru surprised me with his gentleness as he carefully cleaned and bandaged my sore, just as I had done for Tamaki-senpai not minutes before.

I protested the entire time though. I hated being taken care of. I looked out for myself. I didn't need anyone else to do it for me. Once they were done, I pulled my bloodied shirt back on, and put my jacket on over top.

"Thank you," I said, unable to meet their gazes. I strode out of the room, the picture of perfect health.

**HIKARU'S POV**

"What was she even going to do about that herself?" I demanded. Kaoru shrugged, seemingly unperturbed, but I knew him too well to believe it.

"We should get going," he said. "They will be wondering where we are."

I clenched my fists angrily, not wanting to let the subject go. Too many times already I'd seen Haruhi hurting, and not being able to do anything about it. I had to practically beg Kaoru to make sure she got her shoulder taken care of. Tono may not have been watching, but I had seen the impact.

I hated that she tried to make herself seem so tough. She didn't even realize just how fragile she really was. I followed Kaoru out of the room, seething about the situation. I was going to make her tell me, with Kaoru's approval or not.

**Kinda makes you wonder what he might do eh? ;) As always R&R, hope you liked!**


	8. Chapter 8

**I impress myself with these fast updates ;) don't expect much of that, I was merely feeling inspired. Hope you like ! btw I really love writing in the twins perspective now, so that's just gonna be a regular thing. But don't worry more perspectives will be coming soon ! Without further adieu, enjoy !**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran. **

Chapter 8

_I was running. He was after me. I couldn't see him, but I knew it. My hands were covered in blood, not my own. Tears were falling down my face uncontrollably. I was panicked, looking everywhere for him. Suddenly, I heard branches breaking right behind me. _

_He was here._

_Terror enveloped me,and I tried to run faster and faster._

"_You can't outrun me forever…" came the cruel and mocking voice I had come to know so well. _

_I tripped and fell, shaking so hard I couldn't even bring myself to stand. Suddenly, he was looming over me, leering at me. Closer and closer he got. I couldn't even choke out a scream. _

'_Help me, help me,' I prayed over and over again, to no one and anyone. _

_I tried to run away again, but his grip was too strong. I opened my mouth to scream... _

I jolted up in my bed, screaming. Another nightmare. Lately, they had been less threatening, but I couldn't outrun his influence over me.

I looked at my clock, five in the morning. I knew there was no chance of sleep again.

I took some deep breaths, trying to loosen the knot of fear that had tightened in my chest. Willing myself not to cry, I made my way to the bathroom to get a drink of water.

I surveyed myself in the mirror. There were large bags under my eyes, and while I had gained some much needed weight these last couple of weeks, it was harder to erase the lines I had gained at the young age of sixteen.

Sometimes, I couldn't believe that I was sixteen, and that it hadn't even been a year. I felt that I had lived a lifetime in this state of constant anxiety and overwhelming grief.

It was easier to ignore the pain when I was with the Host Club, but I could never truly forget. Those boys were all so carefree, but I sensed so much hidden depth in all of them. Stupidly enough, I had started to care for them.

I hadn't meant to, but I was getting attached.

At times like these, when I was on my own, it was almost easy to imagine distancing myself from them. But still I found myself being inexplicably drawn into their antics whenever they were present.

But they were growing too close.

I needed distance, now. Soon, I would start opening up about my previous life, and while it may have been good-even great for a while, it always ended the same.

Still, after all these months, I couldn't yet find words to explain the emptiness inside of me. Sometimes, with the Host Club, I could feel the emptiness diminishing, but when I was alone with only my thoughts, the emptiness seemed as strong as ever.

While my physical scars were healed, the emotional scars I still carried were raw and bleeding.

I don't know if it will ever stop.

I splashed some water on my face to try and rid myself of these weary thoughts. If only it were that easy.

By the time I was ready for school, it was six o'clock. I started walking, figuring I could get ahead on some homework before I had to get to class.

Mostly, I was just hoping to avoid running into the Host Club until I had my bearings together. I was also quite nervous. Tonight was going to be my first night back at work.

I was scared to face Kurosaki-senpai. He was a kind man, but I had been awful. I was still in a bad place, but not nearly as desperate as that day. I couldn't believe it had only been two weeks since that horrible affair. Kurosaki had originally said to stay away for a week, but when I had gone by, he had gruffly told me to wait another week. Something was off with him, but it wasn't my place to question him. I was just glad that I still had a job.

I knew that Kyouya-senpai had paid my first and last month's rent. My new landlord, who was a kind old lady, had told me that it was covered. She never said by who, but it wasn't that hard to figure out. I felt bad, and had a personal book accounting all of the personal debts I owed them, on top of my original debt.

It's crazy how instantly your life can change. Just like breaking that vase, or other things.

Terrible things.

I think that at this point I grieved more for myself than that which I had lost. I was left with the aftermath. Sometimes, I think comically of that John Mayer song, Why Georgia?

"I am invincible, as long as I'm alive." That's what he says.

I used to believe that to be true, thinking myself omnipotent, untouched by the horrors you hear about in everyday life. How misguided was I? Back then, I used to think dying was the worst thing that could happen to someone.

But I was wrong.

Living was harder.

Some days, like today, I just wanted to sleep forever, or maybe stop existing. My thoughts were never pleasant, but some days it was just downright excruciating.

To carry around not only pain, but this smothering guilt, isn't what I would call living. It's a half existence, where I'm constantly fighting tears and fake smiles.

I finally arrived at school, unable to escape my morbid thoughts.

Today was going to be a bad day.

**HIKARU'S POV**

Kaoru and I actually arrived at school early for once in our lives. Normally, we were running behind schedule, not really caring if we were late or not.

But recently, we had been getting to school on time, if only because Haruhi was always sure to be here early. Some days, she would be waiting in front of the class for us to arrive.

When that happened, I felt so happy, I didn't really understand why, but ever since Haruhi had first come here, she had left a deep impression on me. I know that Kaoru feels the same way. We don't ever talk about it in a lot of detail, because it scares us.

It's been the two of us since forever. We were the only ones who could always differentiate between one another. And then came this mysterious, stunning girl. She can easily tell us apart, and see right through most of our bullshit.

I want to let her in, to grow closer. But she has secrets of her own. Anyone can see that. I worry about what's so terrible that she can't even tell us. Even though it's been two months since she first joined the Host Club, she's barely loosened up.

I'm sick of waiting for her to decide it's the right time.

I want answers.

Without consulting Kaoru, I'm going to be doing some questioning of my own, and I'm not going to let her maneuver out of things. Today, I'm going to get the truth from Haruhi Fujioka.

That's a promise.

**KAORU'S POV**

I knew that Hikaru was up to something.

He was actually being quiet, dead giveaway. Hikaru liked to think together, so I knew it had to be deep and personal if he wasn't even sharing it with me. I loved having Hikaru as my twin, don't get me wrong, but sometimes he could be exhausting.

It would probably have to do with Haruhi, this plan that he seemed to be concocting this very moment. I had to try my best to divert him. As much as I wanted to strangle the truth from that girl myself sometimes, she was too vulnerable.

Hikaru was more selfish than me, even though he was older.

He was blinded by his need to know the truth, and to deepen our bond with Haruhi.

But I could see past my own need, see that Haruhi was struggling, and hurting. It wasn't the time to bring things up. To be honest, I'm not sure if it'll ever be time, but I have to respect her privacy.

Hikaru will thank me for interfering later, when he comes to his senses.

Just then we pulled up to the school.

Hikaru rushed to get out, always eager to see Haruhi for as long as possible. I was hurrying myself.

We checked the classroom, but she was nowhere around. Giving each other slightly alarmed glances, Hikaru and I hurried to the nearest library. I don't know why, but I was afraid for Haruhi.

She followed a set routine, and was quite predictable.

Except when she was in a state.

We had only seen her like that once, but once was enough. I couldn't bear seeing that much anguish on her face.

It aged her unnaturally, just thinking about whatever had happened to her.

That's why I couldn't condone Hikaru trying to get the truth from her. She was in enough pain already. I don't think she's even come to terms with what happened to her. Spilling her secrets to us would probably do nothing but cause more unnecessary suffering.

With ten minutes until class, and no sign of Haruhi, I was seriously starting to worry.

Hikaru doesn't handle being worried well. As such, he decided to snap at me. I merely ignored him, and focused my efforts on finding Haruhi.

We had been searching her usual spots for twenty five minutes, to no avail.

Exasperated, and with two minutes to get to class, Hikaru and I reluctantly turned back to our room.

We arrive with one minute to spare, and just as the bell rang, Haruhi breezed in, taking her seat in between us without a word.

There were no signs of tears on her face, but she looked tight and drawn.

Not a good sign.

"Where were you, Haruhi? We looked everywhere for you!" said Hikaru, making no effort to soften his words.

Haruhi winced as if she had received a blow.

"I was running late today. Sorry for wasting your time," she said distantly.

Her eyes were blank, and her mouth was set.

She refused to acknowledge either of us.

"Don't be sorry for wasting our time. I don't care if time was wasted. We were worried about you," said Hikaru with a blunt directness.

Haruhi's hands clenched tighter on the desk as she fought to keep herself in control.

How could Hikaru not see the negative affect he was having?

I shot him a warning glance, and knew that my message was conveyed.

"I don't want you to worry about me," she said quietly, voice breaking slightly.

"Bullshit," muttered Hikaru and I simultaneously.

I knew that she was hurting, but she didn't need to lie.

Just then, the teacher looked over at the three of us, stopping all conversation.

For the rest of our class, Haruhi avoided eye contact, and pretended like she didn't notice the notes and whispers we tried to exchange.

It was irritating me, and I knew that Hikaru was about ready to explode with frustration.

At lunch hour, Haruhi tried to escape, but the teacher called her to the front.

She looked stressed, and while I felt bad for her, Hikaru and I took this as an opportunity to wait outside and talk to her before she could escape.

**HARUHI'S POV**

I made my way up to the teacher's desk, trying to mentally prepare for whatever he was about to tell me.

"Haruhi, I just wanted to congratulate you on keeping your rank as the number one student in the grade ten class," the teacher said with a smile.

Relief flooded through me. I had been worried that, with all of the drama going on, my marks had slipped. I was thankful that that wasn't the case. I glanced at the door, and knew that the twins would be waiting for me.

I had decided to actually put my plan of achieving distance into action. So far, I think I managed to thoroughly piss off the twins, and give myself a wicked headache from clenching my teeth so hard.

I wanted to let them in, I did. But they would never be able to look at me the same way again. All I would see was unwelcome sympathy. I had been through it all before, and it had resulted in a sudden and abrupt move.

I hadn't kept in touch with any of my old friends, or most of my family. It was too painful to reminisce with them, to pretend like I was fine.

I was certainly not fine.

I had taken the easy copout in my former life, and I didn't want to be forced to do it again here.

Kyouya-senpai knew, and he didn't look at me the same way either. He was better than most would be. He clearly had years of honing his controlled mask. But even still, sometimes I would catch him looking at me, and he wasn't helping me out of the goodness of his heart.

He felt sorry for me. And I hated it.

Unable to stall any longer, I tried to be the master of my emotions as I went to meet the twins in the hall.

As expected, both of them were waiting for me. I braced myself for their questions and accusations.

"Haruhi," began Hikaru, anger colouring his tone, "you can't just shut us out of your life! We are a part of it, whether you like it or not," he finished.

I fought hard to keep from crying. But I was shaking like a leaf.

"Haruhi, what he's trying to say is that we're your friends. You can trust us. You don't have to

pretend in front of us," Kaoru said more gently.

If they knew what they were talking about, I doubt they would be so understanding. They would be horrified. And they wouldn't be able to look at me the same. I couldn't handle that. I'd lost too many people. I refused to get close to them.

I couldn't thing of a proper response, so I just turned in the opposite direction and started to walk away. Before I could even take three steps, Hikaru grabbed my hand and whirled me around.

He proceeded to push me against the wall, arms caging me in.

I felt panicked. This was all too familiar, being trapped against my will. I shrank into the wall, trying to make myself as small as possible.

Hikaru didn't look angry. I knew that he wouldn't hurt me, but adrenalin was pumping through my veins, and I needed to get out.

He looked at me pleadingly. "Haruhi, why don't you trust us?" It was a question and an accusation all at once.

I saw the hurt in his eyes.

My own filled with tears, and I looked away, ashamed of myself.

A spark of anger, and something else, something kinder, flashed through Hikaru's eyes. He let me go and turned back to his brother, who looked like he was about to kill him.

_I do trust you _I thought to myself.

But I wasn't ready to utter those words out loud. Doing so would make me vulnerable, and I couldn't stand being more vulnerable than I already was.

Instead, I walked away from the twins, leaving them to their own thoughts.

Maybe they would hate me now.

Maybe that was best.

The rest of the day, and going to the Host Club, were all a blur. I was too embarrassed to approach the twins in any way, and they kept shooting hurt glances my way when they thought I wasn't looking.

Suffice to say, the day hadn't been so great.

Even better was now I had to go to work. I figured having a shitty day right before my first day back at work was not a good sign. But I decided to make the best of it, and not go off on Kurosaki-senpai.

I arrived fifteen minutes before my shift, and immediately started on the regular cleaning duties.

I didn't want to give Kurosaki-senpai any reason to regret keeping me.

It turned out to be a busy night, which was good. It was so busy that I didn't have time to worry about messing up, or thinking about the twins.

Every time I pictured their hurt faces, my heart gave an unwelcome pang.

It was then that I knew it was too late. I cared for them, not that I would ever admit it out loud. But I enjoyed their company, and even one day without their carefree mischievous attitudes had me at a loss for what to do.

As I was cleaning up after the day, Kurosaki-senpai finally approached me.

"I know that it's beside the point, but I truly am sorry. And I really appreciate you giving me a second chance," I said quickly and sincerely. Not wanting to appear ungrateful in any way, shape or form.

"What can I say? I have a thing for charity cases," Kurosaki-senpai said with a wink and a smile.

I tried to appear offended, but ended up smiling instead.

"I'm not a charity case!" I squealed jokingly.

"Sure you aren't, kiddo," he said affectionately, giving me a pat on the head.

I was glad that there wasn't any more underlying awkwardness between us. It was a huge weight off my shoulders. Now, if only I could figure out what to do about Hikaru and Kaoru.

In between pondering my own personal drama, I noticed that while Kurosaki-senpai was being his normal cheerful self, he seemed more tired and withdrawn underneath.

I gently touched his arm and said,

"Kurosaki-senpai, are you okay?"

He gave me a rueful smile.

"I should be asking you that question, although you do look healthier. I'm glad," he said, avoiding the question.

We both knew that he had deliberately not answered the question, but I chose to drop it, not wanting to interfere where I wasn't welcome.

I knew better than anyone that some things were meant to be left unsaid.

"Wanna grab a bite to eat together?" he asked, after all of my side duties were done.

I was about to politely reject, not wanting to set myself up for disaster, but he just looked so lonely right at that moment.

"I would like that," I said shyly.

Kurosaki-senpai took me to an inexpensive yet delicious sushi bar. We ate, and just enjoyed each other's company.

Nothing too serious was said; it was all light and easy. I didn't have to lie, which was a relief. We

merely discussed surface level topics. I found being with Kurosaki-senpai was so effortless. I didn't have to constantly watch what I said. I tried to keep myself appearing cheerful to Kurosaki-senpai, but some of my bad feelings of the day seeped through. He merely ignored this, and I pretended like I didn't know he was exhausted. In all, it was a fair trade, and I was glad I had agreed to eat with him.

I finally looked at the time, and realized how late it was.

"I'm sorry, Kurosaki-senpai, I have to get home," I said, fighting back a yawn.

"Now, how many times do I have to tell you? Call me Shigure," he said rolling his eyes, although I knew he wasn't really all that mad.

"Thank you for tonight, Shigure. I really needed this," I said sincerely, taking out my wallet to pay for my half.

Shigure covered my hand with his, and said "I'll grab this one, and thank you. I was certainly in need of a distraction."

With a charming smile, he reached for his wallet, his other hand still over top of mine.

After the bill was paid, I started on my way home, grateful that through all of the problems I was having in my life, Kurosaki's place could still be my own safe haven.

'~~~~~~~

All of the events of the day came crashing down on me during my walk home, and I walked with tears streaming down my face. I avoided eye contact with everyone in my building, and curled up into my bed immediately when I got home.

I drifted on the edge of consciousness, praying to whoever was out there that I wouldn't dream.

_Blood. Everywhere. _

_And the , the screams. _

_They rattled my must surely be what dying felt like. I tried to cover my ears, but found my hands covered in blood. _

_Blood. _

_So much blood. _

_I started letting out shrieks of my own, terrible sounds that weren't natural. _

_Thunder and lightning accompanied the was pelting down harder. But it couldn't wash away the blood._

_I didn't know a human could sound so tortured. _

_Surely, this must be what dying felt like. _

_I was thrashing around, screaming, screaming, blood-_

I hit the ground hard, the impact waking me immediately. My pajamas were soaked through, but I couldn't find the energy to get up and change.

I laid there, a shaking, sobbing mess, clutching my legs tightly, trying to chase away the nightmares of my life. I shut my eyes tight, but found no respite from my dreams.

They were getting worse.

More lifelike.

I didn't know what to do anymore. I glanced at the clock, and found it was only three thirty in the morning. I had slept for four hours. Knowing that sleep was impossible, I lay perfectly still, barely breathing, and thinking that, maybe if I stayed still enough, it would all go away.

It didn't.

It never did.

At six o'clock, I unwound myself from my huddled position on the floor. I took a nice, long shower, and changed quickly to get to school on time.

Feeling slightly more human, I arrived at class. I immediately searched for the twins, and my heart fell when I realized they had not left a space for me in between them.

_This is what you wanted _I mentally chastised myself.

But in my heart, and even my mind at this point, I knew that I really wanted to be with the twins, smiling at their brazen attitudes and ridiculous jokes.

I silently took the only empty seat at the back of the class. Hard as I tried to pay attention, I couldn't stop staring at the twins, wondering why in the hell I tried to mess everything up. My eyes kept drifting shut from lack of sleep, but I promised myself I would fix things. Somehow.

After a hellish day of classes, I stumbled to the Host Club right on time.

"It's spring time!" Tamaki-senpai declared happily, right as I walked in.

_Like I really needed to be told…_I thought to myself.

I held my tongue, knowing that lashing out when I was in a bad mood would do me no good.

"When I hear spring, I think of cherry blossoms," Tamaki-senpai continued, not seeming to notice my lack of enthusiasm.

"That's normal," I said, grabbing the clothes I would need to change into.

With that, Tamaki-senpai curled into the corner, looking depressed that I had called him normal.

I thought about consoling him, if only to humour him, but concluded that it would be a waste of energy. I was running low on energy today. So instead, I simply walked into the changing room.

It turns out today, with the lovely weather, we were sitting outside under the cherry blossom trees, drinking tea. It would have been wonderful if I hadn't been in such a wicked mood.

I glanced over at the twins, but they weren't looking my way.

They seemed normal. Well, as normal as they ever were. I didn't sense any animosity towards me, but they had been studiously ignoring me all day.

I decided to stick with Honey-senpai and Mori-senpai.

As always, they were sweet, and they seemed to sense that I was not in the mood for talking.

The girls were swooning over Honey-senpai, as usual, but today I just couldn't stomach it.

"Excuse me while I go to the bathroom," I said politely.

I walked away, trying to get rid of my bad mood.

"Haruhi! How's it going? Are you having fun?" asked Tamaki-senpai in an earnest voice.

Although the words were very simple, and he was being nothing but friendly, I found myself on the verge of tears.

Here he was, so happy about everything. It just made it abundantly clear that I didn't belong here.

While I had been collecting myself, he had gone off on one of his rants. I only caught the end of it.

"And I am now the most spring-ish! Can you guess which part of me is?" he said eagerly.

"Umm… I don't know," I said, not really caring.

Nearby, I spotted the twins, and decided to try and make amends. I had to pay off my debt to the Host Club, whether I liked it or not, so that would mean dealing with the twins. We were also in the same class. I couldn't afford to be on bad terms with them.

_Yes, just make it sound like the logical choice to be friends with them. Not that you could actually bear them hating you _my inner voice mocked.

"Hikaru, Kaoru?" I called timidly.

Both turned around curiously, guarded expressions on each of their faces.

"Umm… what electives are you guys thinking of taking?" I asked in a rush, afraid that I would lose my nerve.

While my words didn't hold much meaning, I gave them a pleading expression.

_Please forgive me!_I thought.

"I think maybe we should pick some together," I said, putting myself out there, mentally bracing for the rejection I felt coming.

Kaoru broke out into a smile, and Hikaru followed suit.

My answering smile came immediately, and I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.

"That sounds great, Haruhi," Kaoru said.

With that, I knew that all was forgiven.

Immediately, the twins each wrapped an arm around me as we studied the course selection sheet. While I knew I shouldn't be feeling so happy with their slight affections, I couldn't keep the giddy smile off my face.

Things were hard right now, and my dreams were getting worse. But I knew that the twins would be there for me. Even if they didn't know what was going on, they were always able to cheer me up.

And right now, in this moment. That was enough for me.

**So a nice long chapter for ya'll ;) hope you enjoyed ! R&R (:**


	9. Chapter 9

**So…been a while eh? Yes I'm Canadian… ANYWAY I'm sort of out of a beta right now, so I'm really sorry for any and all mistakes you see ! I will find someone else soon..hopefully..but I just wanted to get a chapter up since its been so long ! Now enough of me rambling, I'm sure no one actually reads my little excerpts anyway ! SO ENJOY. **

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Ouran. **

…..Chapter Nine….

I'm tentative about opening up to the twins like this, but I'm hoping that maybe it'll turn out well. With my track record I guess I shouldn't hold my breath. But being here, picking classes together, it's just so normal. And that's something I've been craving for a long time. Normalcy. So of course Tamaki-senpai has to come ruin the moment.

"You must return to your true form and live happily with your girlfriends, that's my wish as your father!" He declared.

I really don't know what his obsession with this father thing is, but I certainly didn't need him yelling in my face and telling me to go be a girl.

To be perfectly honest, it's easier being a boy, less complicated somehow. I mean, pretending to be a boy can get pretty complicated, but for the most part I'm okay with it.

I was simply going to let Tamaki-senpai's comment pass without acknowledging when Honey-senpai spoke up.

"It doesn't matter anyway, whens your class physical exam day? We can compare heights!" He said in that adorably naïve way of his.

"What's a physical exam?" I asked confused.

Honey-senpai always eager to please answered my question.

"It's when doctors and nurses come to the school to measure you and make sure your staying healthy."

"It's mostly a formality, seeing as how almost all of the students here have their own personal doctors at home." Kyouya-senpai added on.

"Oh…. well I guess I'll be found out then." I said struggling for an air of nonchalance.

This was what I wanted, wasn't it? To have an excuse like this to keep my distance. Already I felt sick to my stomach. But I couldn't let the boys know, it would be easier if everyone knew I was a girl. Then I could be left alone, and sink back into oblivion. I could pretend that the Host Club was nothing more than a dream.

The host club seemed to be in a panic. But the problem couldn't be addressed until later because we still had many guests.

As I was finishing up, I overheard Tamaki in the music room.

"Yes of course spring is the time for romance, Haruhi and I were just characters in a Romantic Comedy." He exclaimed.

"Then what about us?" The twins asked in a voice that was a cross between irritation and disbelief.

Me, I was trying not to burst into the room and shake Tamaki-senpai into understanding. He could be so naive sometimes. Of course we weren't in some stupid romantic comedy. If I was to classify my life as a movie drama it would be a tragedy. But of course Tamaki-senpai wouldn't realize that. He could be so oblivious sometimes.

"You're the gay members!" Tamaki proclaimed in answer to the twins question.

He thereby ordered them not to cross a certain line.

I knew that the twins would be less than thrilled with their classification, Tamaki-senpai should watch his back.

"Do you really understand this tono?" The twins asked seriously.

"If people understand Haruhi is a girl, then she can't be in the host club anymore." They finished in perfect synchronization.

I peeked into the door and saw Tamaki-senpai frozen in shock. Or stupidity.

"And she'll be cuter if she dresses in girl outfits!" Honey-senpai said happily.

_He is just too cute, and innocent. I hope that the burdens of the world never have to affect him. _I thought to myself.

"If what we heard is correct, she was pretty popular among guys at her old school." Kaoru said in a matter of fact voice.

I froze at that. How would they have known anything about me at my old school. It was true that a few guys had shown interest in me, but how could they possibly know that?

"According to the report at least once a month someone confessed to her." Hikaru added.

"Ah, tono will never be close to her." They both said together, cruel and mocking grins on their faces.

"Well we don't care, we are in the same class as her." They finished.

Tamaki looked devastated. It would have been comical had I not been so concerned with where they kept getting this information about me.

For a few minutes a stood there, frozen, pondering how they could've known personal things about my past like that. I figured now was as good a time as any to make my entrance, I didn't really need to hear anything more.

"Sorry I'm late." I said opening the door fully.

Kyouya-senpai looked at me trying to conceal a grin. Of course he had known I was eavesdropping. No one else seemed to catch on. Except maybe Mori-senpai, but he was always quiet and observant.

"So we have decided on formation A for operation, Haru-chan is a boy!" Tamaki-senpai yelled at the host club.

A chorus of "Yes Sir's" were heard, and I wondered how they had so quickly adopted this new attitude.

Now Tamaki came up to me,

"Don't worry Haruhi! We will protect your secret with all our might!" He said with passion.

"I never really tried to keep it a secret, but I guess if people figure it out I won't be able to finish my quota." I said.

I was thinking it over, and if I pulled out now it would be hard, but it would be easier than if this has to come abruptly down the road. As I was mulling it over, I heard Tamaki and Hikaru whispering furiously to each other.

"Commander she lacks the will big time!" That was Hikaru.

"What an uncooperative heroine she is." Said Tamaki-senpai.

I rolled my eyes, who said I needed to be protected, or saved. I was no heroine, and these boys were certainly not knights in shining armor. As much as I might wish they were.

But at the same time, there was no other conceivable way for me to pay off my debt. So maybe it was better to stay in.

_Excuses, you know that you couldn't stand being separated from these boys now. _The mocking voice in my head accused. I studiously ignored myself and tried to further rationalize my choice.

"Well it doesn't matter if she's willing," Said Tamaki-senpai.

"Haruhi will be staying in the host club."

He smiled at me, and gave a little wink. I felt myself going a little red. But I was thankful Tamaki-senpai had spoken up. Then I wouldn't have to contradict myself out loud. He surprised me sometimes, with his thoughtfulness.

No, I was surely over thinking things. It was just his personality to take charge and demand others follow.

Either way, I wasn't looking forward to whatever the Host Club had cooked up.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The day of the physical exams came sooner than I had hoped. Growing up in Canada I had never heard of Physical Exams at school, we had free health care. But I guess this is just another one of the cultural shocks I have to deal with while in Japan.

I didn't sleep very well last night. But I suppose that's nothing new. I was nervous for the Physical exams.

Shortly after attendance a voice came over the speakers asking all Grade Tens to make their way to the nurse stations. My stomach fluttered with anticipation. I stole a glance at the twins, but they seemed perfectly calm.

A little too calm if you ask me. While I would never say so out loud, I hoped that any plan they had worked.

"So what sort of thing is this?" I asked the twins.

"It's just a regular check-up, I mean they don't switch medical stuff between the rich and the poor." Kaoru replied.

We opened the doors, and I was shocked by the chorused;

"WELCOME!" that was said by every nurse and doctor all smiling and happy.

It was disturbing, seeing so many people love their jobs that much.

No differences between the rich and poor. Ha. I should have known.

Every worker was very kind and polite, but I was seriously overwhelmed. Hikaru and Kaoru were being asked if their height could be measured. Naturally all of the girls had crowded around them.

"You both grew 1.5 cms this year" said the Nurse excitedly.

"Oh my, even your heights are congenial!" The girls swooned .

"…Is it really that surprising?" I said to myself. It killed me how airheaded some of them were.

Hikaru gave me a wicked grin, and I knew he had heard my sarcastic comment. I gave him a small grin back, ignoring the fluttering again in my stomach. I must have been more nervous than I thought for my turn.

All of the sudden I felt everyone's attention shift across the room. There was Mori-senpai and Honey-senpai dressed in medical outfits.

I knew letting Tamaki-senpai plan things had been a bad idea.

It was obvious to anyone that these boys were merely playing dress up. But loyal customers that those girls were, they didn't let Mori and Honey-senpai know their disguise wasn't working.

"So obvious…" I said to myself incredulously.

I was shaking my head when I saw Kyouya-senpai materialize beside me.

"They're the emergency crew." Kyouya-senpai said, implying that they were useless.

"What are you doing here?" I asked abruptly.

Kyouya-senpai's presence always made me a little jittery. It was probably still embarrassment from over the Christmas break. Things had gotten heated, and we had never really discussed it after that. It made me a bit nervous whenever it was just him and me, though I can't really explain it.

"I'm on the medical committee." He answered.

We stood their in a charged silence, overhearing one of the doctors sucking up to a student, telling her she should gain more weight.

"How can they tell her such a blatant lie?" I asked, confused that the doctors chose to be kind rather than helpful.

"It's trustees consideration." He said, not looking at me. I think he was about to say something else, but the twins showed up at that moment.

"Running the school is a business after all, and flattering the students is top priority." Said Kaoru.

"Most of the kids here have personal doctors at home, so this is just a formality anyway." Finished Hikaru.

At that moment, a scruffy looking doctor bumped into Kyouya-senpai.

"Scuse me," he said roughly.

Kyouya-senpai gave him an odd look, and then seemed to consider it unimportant.

"Looks like a quack." Said Hikaru. I had to fight not to laugh at this ridiculous insult.

"Fujioka-sama, Hitachiin-sama, would you please come here for auscultation and chest measurements?" Said a nurse kindly.

"Please use the dressing room for undressing," she finished.

I sweat broke out on my brow, this was the moment of truth. I wasn't ready. Whatever plan the boys had concocted I needed them to act, and fast.

"We don't really care," started Kaoru.

"Whether we have a dressing room or not," Hikaru finished for him.

Simultaneously they both took off their shirts right there. I'm embarrassed to say that like every other girl, I had some trouble looking away. I knew that they were attractive boys, but beneath their clothing they had a lean layer of muscle that added to their natural beauty.

The worst thing about it, was that they knew how attractive they were.

"I can't take it, I don't want anyone to touch your body, even if they are a doctor." Said Hikaru possessively.

"What are you talking about? We play doctor at home all the time.." replied Kaoru.

And that ruined their shirtless selves for me.

While all of the girls were swooning over the twins, Mori-senpai and Honey-senpai gathered me up and flung me into a dressing room.

None too gently might I add.

They pushed me in and I felt arms close around me.

I had to fight the urge to scream, being grabbed from behind like that brought back unwanted memories. But these hands were much gentler than the ones from my nightmares.

"I've waited for long my princess." A familiar voice breathed into my ear.

I turned slightly and knew before I even saw the face that it was Tamaki-senpai.

I was surprised and embarrassed, enough to find my legs give out beneath me as he let me go. I looked up at him, unsure of what to say.

"Tamaki-senpai?" I said slowly, as if coming out of a daze. It was weird this dizzying effect he was having on me.

"Your surprised face is cute as well," he said sweetly, "Wait for me here."

"What are you—" I started to say when he put a finger to my lips to silence me.

"It's alright, I'll protect you Haruhi." It was impossible to miss the sincerity in his gaze, and I found my heart ache with an unexpected emotion, one I hadn't felt in a long time.

I simply gazed up at him, unable to formulate coherent thought.

"Fujioka-sama are you ready?" Called out the nurse. Breaking me out of my trance slightly.

"Yes," said Tamaki-senpai, he stepped out, shirt unbuttoned with a dark haired wig on.

Any tenderness I had felt towards him evaporated.

What an idiot.

I peeked through the curtains and saw all the girls looking confused.

"Why Tamaki-senpai?"

"Is it some cosplay thing?" I heard many of the girls whispering.

"How tall you've grown recently." The nurse said, sarcasm evident in her voice.

I sagged against the wall, if this was their master plan, then I was doomed. I felt something like despair crawling seeping into my thoughts. What was I going to do? I didn't want to leave these boys, who infuriated me and made fun of me. But at the same time they were the only thing that could make me feel alive. I've been dead to the world for so long, and I can feel myself started to reemerge. Not as the same person, but without the boys I don't think I can do it.

"Haru-chan, they found out" Tamaki-senpai said. A pleading tone was evident.

I didn't say anything, so consumed was I with my despair. I did turn around to glare at him though. He seemed shocked, and as he stepped out I heard someone say,

"He's withering away!" It gave me a small satisfaction that after so long my glare still had such an effect.

The rest of the boys came in, very calm.

"We have a doctor who will keep quiet in the other room," said Kyouya-senpai.

"All the doctors here today are from Kyouya-senpai's family hospitals." Said the twins together.

I couldn't keep the relief from flooding to my face, and each of the boys grinned at me, even Kyouya-senpai. I felt light as a cloud as they took me to another room close by.

A lone nurse was sitting at a desk in the room.

"Don't worry, I've been informed of your situation, you may disrobe in the dressing room there." She said politely.

She probably thinks I'm some sort of cross-dresser.

Awesome.

I was reluctant to take my shirt off because of my very visible scar. I hated the sight of it, and knew that it wasn't very pretty for other people to look at either.

"There's nothing you can show me I haven't been prepped for." She said kindly.

Great so Kyouya-senpai even knows about my scar, of course. I suppose it would have been my medical records, but just knowing he knew about it made me self-conscious.

"Okay," I said trying to force out a smile. I think it came out as more of a grimace.

I took my time, and was nearly undressed when a strange man starting tip-toeing into my dressing room.

"Erm…I'm here already." I said awkwardly.

He turned around and I was ready to shriek when he started whispering furiously. I should have been scared, but I sensed no sinister purpose beneath his pleading eyes.

"NO, please don't make any sound, I just want to find my—" I never found out what he was going to say.

"USA-CHAN KICK!" Honey-senpai yelled as he burst in, kicking the poor man and knocking him over.

I hastily grabbed my tank top to cover myself up, unaware that it was not properly put on. So distracted was I by the appearance of the rest of the host club.

"First, beauty that catches peoples attention." Said the twins, as serious as I had ever seen them.

"Second, unbeatable richness." Continued Kyouya-senpai, equally serious.

"Third, the way to be a gentlemen, and not overlook the crimes of lowly commoners." Finished Mori-senpai. And while he was always serious, I sensed a hidden menace beneath all of their words.

"Even if the sun forgives you," said Tamaki-senpai dropping his shirt on top of me,

"THESE CHERRY BLOSSOMS WON'T!" He proclaimed in that self-righteous way of his.

It was all a little melodramatic for me, but I should have expected as much.

He was referring to the cherry blossoms tattooed onto his shoulder, I think.

"The Ouran Host Club, is here." They all finished together, striking a group pose.

"Please don't hurt me!" The doctor pleaded, bowing down to the host club.

_And here I thought they couldn't surprise me anymore…_

The doctor proceeded to give us his life story. How his wife left him with their daughter after he had bankrupted them with his practice, and he was only trying to find her, and ask their forgiveness. He thought that this was her school. Tamaki-senpai, still shirtless, was utterly enthralled with this mans story.

"Might the school your looking for be Ourin Koukou?" Asked Kyouya-senpai gently.

"Isn't that where I am?" The doctor asked confused. No wonder he went bankrupt, he was clearly not the brightest.

"How did you know?" Asked the twins to Kyouya-senpai.

"How could the daughter of that small a doctor come to Ouran?" he said with all the snobbery that came with immense wealth. "Am I right?" he said.

I didn't know what to say to that, it was so cold, and yet true.

The poor man seemed devastated.

"Hikaru, Kaoru, draw up a map for this man to Ourin please." Tamaki-senpai said seriously.

"His daughter probably left him too," they said in that cruel joking manner of theirs.

He turned around abruptly and said, "That's for him to find out." I had never seen Tamaki-senpai so genuine before.

"I'll pray for your best," he said to the man, handing him the map.

I was speechless, and not for the first time today. He could be so kind sometimes. It was hard to take my eyes off of him, and not just because his finely sculpted torso was still on display.

"I've done something good," he said with a tear in his eye.

"Do you think I looked good?" he said turning to me,

"You said before that you were the most spring-ish, is that why?" I gestured to the cherry blossoms along his shoulder and arm.

"Well yes, although its just a sticker.." he said cautiously, thinking I was still angry at him.

I couldn't help myself, I laughed.

"I guess it is pretty spring-ish." I said through my laughter. He could be so cute sometimes, even if he was an idiot.

Tamaki-senpai seemed to be staring at me. I stopped abruptly once I realized what he had been staring at. My scar. The tank-top I had hastily put on had ridden up to expose a part of my scar. Stretching from my right hip to my left upper rib, it was an ugly thing.

Not done with precision, not a clean cut, but something more jagged and rough. Something that even time could never cover up. It was no ordinary scar, and Tamaki-senpai seemed to know that.

"Haruhi.." he began unsurely.

I hastily yanked my tank top down.

"Don't." I said quietly, emotion threatened to break me down.

Shit. I had hoped no one would have to ever see it, I was ashamed of it. What happened that caused me to get it. I had thought that this opening up was a good thing, but now it had made me vulnerable, I didn't want them to know what happened. I couldn't stand it. All of the barely concealed pity and sympathy I know I would receive.

The rest of the host club sensed the tension and looked over at the two of us. Tamaki-senpai opened his mouth to say something, but I didn't wait to find out what.

"Don't." I said harshly. Tamaki-senpai looked like a wounded puppy.

I didn't wait to see anything more, I grabbed my uniform, threw it on, and strode out of the room, not looking back.

I tried to fight back the tears, surely Kyouya-senpai would tell them all now? I can't face that, I don't want to have to face that. I walked even more quickly now, because I knew that I was in for an emotional breakdown.

_Why me? _It was the question I could never seem to answer. _Why me? WHY ME? _I wanted to scream out to the world. How was this fair? Why did I have to deal with it all? I stumbled into an empty supply closet and cried.

Cried about all the shitty things that had happened in my life. Cried for all I had lost. I cried, and cried.

**TAMAKIS POV**

I was shocked at Haruhi's startling anger at my seeing her scar. Why was she so angry? And how did she get it? I was so confused, and apparently Haruhi wasn't going to clarify anything for me. How could my poor daughter keep something like this from me?

I knew that a wound like that couldn't have been self inflicted, I hadn't even seen all of it and I could tell it was long and rough. I was overcome with rage.

I wanted to kill whoever had done that to her. Kill them.

But seeing the vulnerability in those beautiful brown eyes made me stay put. I knew she didn't want me to follow, that much was obvious. And I knew she didn't want me to tell the host club what I had seen. And it wasn't just the scar, I had never noticed before how painfully skinny she was.

That's a part of why her scar stood out so much. She was so pale, and so stretched out. I just wanted to comfort her. I mean, comfort her as a father should of course.

Everyone thinks I'm so stupid, and yes, I guess the plan that I had today wasn't that great. But I know enough to know that she's hiding something. And this scar is just a piece of it.

I just want to go to her and tell her it's going to be alright, comfort her like a father should. But I won't, I can't. Not unless I want her to pull away forever.

But I'm scared for her, and I don't know what to do.

I looked over at Kyouya-senpai, and he looked distraught. He clearly knew something too. I had never seen him so worried over someone else's well being.

All of us made an unspoken agreement, we wouldn't go after her. Not right now, because the same unanswerable question remained.

How can you save somebody that doesn't want to be saved?

**So again, I'm sorry for how long its been, but this was a nice long one for ya'll ! PLEASE REVIEW. It makes me happy ! :) and happy ggirl will update sooner…love you all, hope you enjoyed. **


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

**So sorry guys I know its been a while ! Hope you enjoy, as always let me know what you think :) **

I can't believe that I was so careless. I practically begged them to see the stupid scar. Damn it all. I hate the position I've been put into. The position I put myself into.

How am I supposed to face them again?

Slowly I unfurled myself from the curled up position I had been in for the last hour.

This has to stop. All of the vulnerability, the opening up, it has to stop. Now.

I have grown attached. It's almost like I forgot.

But this was why I left everything I had ever known, left my home behind. I hated the way people treated me, I hated them trying to understand, trying to make me happy again. How the fuck was I supposed to be happy after everything?

The host club hasn't done a bad job. But I'm broken, and no amount of charming smiles and ridiculous antics is going to fix me.

I'm done.

Done pretending, done smiling, laughing. I'm Done feeling. I thought maybe it would be ok, but it's not, it's hard. And I don't want to deal with it anymore.

I'll go back to the way I was the first couple of weeks upon being with the host club. I'll shut down.

I did it once, I can do it again.

Its been a week now. I'm still trying to reacquaint myself in the practice of indifference. I feel sick all the time now, unable to eat, or sleep half the time.

It's funny how easy it is to feel, and how hard it is to train yourself not to. I guess most people wouldn't want to. But I'm not really "most people" anymore.

I studiously ignored the twins, and for once they didn't press the matter. I could almost feel them retreating from me, back into their own world.

I'm a little surprised at their easy acceptance, and more than a little hurt.

Wait, no.

I don't care.

I'm not hurt, because to be hurt you have to have exposed yourself. I won't make that mistake anymore.

I should've learned my lesson the first time. But I won't make that mistake again. I won't.

I felt something like dread as I made my way to the host club. Outside the door I paused a

moment to compose myself, put on my face of indifference.

No one paid me any special attention as I entered, but I didn't care.

"HIKARU, KAORU" Tamaki-senpai yelled, startling me.

"I left you in charge of the club website because you promised to take it seriously!"

"We are doing it seriously…we stayed up all night last night finishing it." They replied, trying to defend themselves.

"We created this masterpiece of Haruhi."

Before this would have caught my attention, and I would have been disturbed by the picture of my head and I think Tamaki-senpai's body mounted on the website. As it was, I merely walked on to where I would be receiving my guests.

Honey-senpai came over and they all started talking about the picture.

Me, I focused all my energies on one of the tea cups we often use. Until I heard the twins call my name. Without meaning to I looked away from my teacup and into their mischievous golden brown eyes. I felt my resolve softening, and immediately looked away.

"Haruhi, can we go to your house and play? We seem to have nothing to do…" They said it with all the presumed arrogance of the young and privileged.

"No." I said quickly.

There was no chance in hell they were getting near my house. I didn't want them invading my personal space.

Much to my relief, no one has yet mentioned anything about my scar, or my running off.

I don't know what to make of it. Are they simply going to forget the whole incident? Or will they bring it up when I least expect it? It's hard to tell with these boys, they always manage to pull off the unexpected.

"Then can we spread rumors about you being a girl?" They asked.

I found myself dumbfounded that they were acting so indifferent.

Wasn't I supposed to be the one who was in control here?

Yet here they were, keeping the world at arm's length. We had been making headway, but I killed any of that progress with my own attempt at distance.

**KAORUS POV**

I know that Haruhi needs distance now. But it's just so damn hard to keep her out; out of our thoughts, our actions.

The rest of the world is easy; Hikaru and I have kept them out forever. It's been only the two of us our whole lives, and the one person who I think we really could have accepted won't have us.

It hurts.

But what hurts more is watching her suffer when we try to become friends, to help her. It never seems to help for long.

So we're keeping the world away again, including Haruhi.

The last week has been insufferably boring. Hikaru and I have been hatching a plan together. It's not perfected yet, but I think it'll relieve our boredom, at least for a little while.

Before Haruhi came we would play cruel jokes all the time. But lately we've been so distracted by her, so distracted that we forgot to play our role. We play a specific role in the host club, and if we vary from that now, everything will go to shit. Maybe the rest of the club doesn't see it, but we need to be together now more than ever.

This club is all Hikaru and I ever had.

And I'll be damned if I let it get away.

So for now we'll play the part, even if it doesn't hold quite the same appeal for us as it used to.

Now, let the games begin.

**HARUHIS POV**

Out of nowhere Nekosawa-senpai appeared from the shadows, trying to frighten us with tales of voodoo dolls and curses. I found it all a bit silly, I mean I know that he didn't like the light but he didn't need to be all creepy about it.

Tamaki-senpai wholeheartedly believed in what Nekozawa-senpai was saying. He started telling the story of how he stepped on Nekozawa-senpais Beelzenef, a creepy puppet doll he carried around.

"After that my exam papers were filled with nonsense, and when I looked around the room it was no one that I knew." He continued in horror.

"That's because you were so disturbed you walked into the Greek exam." Kyouya-senpai said.

"No, it was a curse!" Proclaimed Tamaki-senpai in that obnoxious way of his. "And a few days later I woke up and my legs felt heavy as lead!" He continued.

"Yes, because we ran a marathon the day before." Finished Kyouya-senpai.

It was almost enough to make me laugh, I mean how stupid can you get? But I stamped out my emotions and walked away, getting ready to receive my guests.

I heard the twins trying to scare Tamaki-senpai by telling him of curses from Nekozawa-senpai. When Tamaki-senpai realized that it was a joke he gave them a long lecture, for which I mostly tuned out, and then gave them cleaning duty.

The twins seemed bored lately, and much more withdrawn. They weren't as quick to smile, and they were even more cruel than I had ever seen them.

I try not to think about it, but it gives me this pain to be so detached from them, from all of the host club really. The point of pulling away was to avoid my pain, but I can never really avoid it for long. It's always there, and it always hurts. I'm trying my best to shut it all out, but it's hard, and I'm tired of it.

I tried to snap out of melancholy when I saw a few girls making their way over to me.

"So Haruhi, we know that Hikaru-kun is the one with the right part, and Kaoru-kun is the one with the left part, but is there any other way to identify them?" One of the girls asked.

I felt a smile playing at the corner of my lips, and it took all of my energy to remain pleasantly detached.

"Well, Hikaru's speech and behavior often reveals more evilness than Kaoru's" I said, no malice in my voice.

I snuck a glance at the twins and saw that they were shocked, and Kaoru was trying to muffle his laughter.

"Sorry…Hikaru" he said in-between laughs.

"Really if we're talking about evilness, it should really be you we're talking about. I mean you're the hypocrite here." Said Hikaru, no teasing present.

"Don't spout nonsense Hikaru, it's always been me tolerating your stubborn ways." Said Kaoru.

"Even if I am the brain behind our operations, you were the one who planned every execution Kaoru." Replied Hikaru.

I was starting to get a bad feeling about this.

"You're so silly, and not to mention pathetic, I can't take it lying down. You're the one who came up with the toy concept." Continued Hikaru.

"Hikaru you actually like Haruhi right? I mean it's so obvious your always touching her." He said cruelly.

"WHAT?" Yelled Hikaru.

I felt myself going a bit red, of course Hikaru didn't like me, and there was no need to be embarrassed.

It sounded like it was going to be an ugly fight.

"Why do you have to say stuff like that? You really are an idiot." Snapped Hikaru.

"Yeah there are certain things in this world that you can say, and things that you can't!" Growled Tamai-senpai joining the fight.

Me, I just stood there dumbfounded. All of this because of one passing comment that I made? I tried to control the urge to go over and shake them into understanding, but no. I don't care, they can fight about whatever they want, and it doesn't concern me.

I walked across the room, and kept my gaze fixedly on the clock, just waiting for when I could leave.

"Why would I like someone who is like a little fox," Cried Hikaru.

A fox? What the hell does that even mean…I don't care, I don't care. It was becoming my new mantra.

"WHO IS THE LITTLE FOX? How dare you look down on my child." Yelled Tamaki-senpai in a rage.

Oh goodness, this was getting even more ridiculous.

"This is amazing! There's a love quadruple surrounded Haruhi, and it's a quagmire plot because two of them are twins brother!" Cried Renge in delight, appearing from nowhere.

I though she went back to France, but apparently not. She seemed way too excited over their fight, which really had nothing to do with me. And I didn't care anyway.

"You'd better stop while you can; your mathematical results are way lower than mine anyway!" Yelled Hikaru, getting in Kaoru's face.

"Hikaru you should work harder in your language abilities, fatty."

"Shorty!" Hikaru rebuffed in anger.

They do realize they look the exact same right?

Some of the girls still milling around were now crowding around to hear the fight.

"I hate how you burrow into my blanket every night!"

"I only did that because I thought you were lonely!"

"Do you want to fight or something?"

"You're despicable!"

Back and forth they kept going; it was dizzying. But ridiculous fighting like this was so typical of siblings; my heart gave an unwelcome pang at the thoughts. Sibling fights, I hadn't thought about siblings for a while. I willed myself not to cry.

"Fine well then we might as well SEVER ALL TIES!" They screamed in unison.

This is not good. Even when the twins aren't fighting they're trouble, so what happens when they are fighting?

I don't care. That's what happens, I thought managing to keep away my tears.

Maybe if I repeat that enough it'll start to actually be true.

I don't care.

I grabbed my stuff and quickly changed for work. Just a couple weeks ago I had been opening up to the twins, coming out of my shell. It was stupid, but I hadn't been able to help myself.

I didn't realize how much I had craved contact and friendship until I had taken it away from myself again.

But I suppose this is my way of punishing myself. If it weren't for me, a lot of things wouldn't have gone down.

So I try to pretend like I don't feel any of it, but I do. I feel guilty. And because of that guilt I shouldn't be allowed to have friends, especially not friends like the twins, or any of the host club really.

I arrived at work early as usual, and was surprised not to see Shigure around. He was always here; he even lived in the apartment upstairs. I started on my duties figuring he just had an errand to run, but now its been more than an hour and I'm worried.

Just as I was about to go upstairs and see if he was there, he strolled through the door looking disheveled and very tired.

"Shigure are you okay?" I asked.

I was lucky it wasn't very busy so that I could have a chance to talk to him.

"No, not really." He said tiredly. "Could we talk after closing?" He asked.

"Of course," I said, wondering what had kept him so long.

The rest of the night passed by slowly, I was so preoccupied with Shigure that I completely messed up someone's order. They were very nice about it, but I tried to pay better attention after that. Finally the last table left and everything was cleaned up.

"So you wanted to talk?" I said approaching Shigure cautiously, not wanting him to change his mind.

"Yes, I think you should know what's going on." He said wearily.

Poor guy, he has been tired and skipping meals a lot lately. I was glad I was going to get to know why. I know it's unfair of me, I want him to confide in me but I can't bring myself to confide in him.

"So as you know I've been kind of…distracted lately." He started hesitantly.

"Look if you don't want to tell me I understand, no pressure." I said, who was I to pressure honesty?

"No, no. I do." He said quickly.

"So, I have a complicated family dynamic I guess you could say." He started

"Asshole father who cheated on my mom, so my mom packed up and moved me here. But my dad had another kid, five years younger, my half-brother. And I guess my dad has gotten himself in a lot of trouble, so my brother is going to come live here with me." He said in a rush not making eye contact.

"Have you had any contact with your brother?" I asked, trying to focus on Shigure's problem, and not to think about more mentions of siblings.

From the look on Shigure's face I knew he didn't want my sympathy, so I wouldn't give it to him.

"No not really, not ever actually." He said. "I just hate my dad for doing this to me,

messing up my whole life. Again." He said frustration emanating off of him.

"Maybe this could be an opportunity?" I said, posing it as a question. "I mean, you don't even know the guy, maybe he hates his dad as much as you do." I continued, trying to bring a less depressing perspective to the whole thing.

As much as I might try to pretend like I don't care, I want to try to help Shigure. He's always been there for me, and I can't afford to alienate him. I still need to pay my rent, but it's more than that. I can't find any more excuses to be close to the host club, because sooner or later the truth will come out. With Shigure I don't have to worry about that, he won't pry, he won't invade my privacy. And I know that the host club probably would if given the chance. They haven't mentioned my scar, but I know that they think about it.

But maybe they don't, maybe I've been trying to forget about them, when they couldn't care less. I tried to mentally shake all those thoughts out of my head and focus on Shigure.

It was kind of nice, having someone else's problems to focus on instead of my own. I know that, that sounds harsh, maybe even cruel, but getting out of my head for just a few minutes is bliss.

"Maybe, but I just don't know. And I hate that, I like to be in control of a situation." Said Shigure, frustrated.

"Well, you can't change it right?" I asked.

"I guess not." He conceded.

"Then make the best of it, I mean the guys what, sixteen? Seventeen? He'll be out of your hair in no time; in the meantime I'm sure he's freaking out even more than you are in this situation." I said pragmatically.

"It amazes me how you can give advice like that." He said, giving me a funny look.

"What do you mean?" I asked confused.

"Well, you go around punishing yourself, but you tell me to make the best of things? Just seems kind of hypocritical" he explained with honesty.

I don't know what to say. I mean he's right, isn't he? But stressing about taking in a half-brother you never met is a lot easier than what I've been through. I don't want to make his problems seem like no big deal, they are a very big deal.

"I guess my issues are different than yours." I said finally. Perhaps even grudgingly, Shigure was supposed to be the one who didn't pry. And from the sheepish look on his face, he knew that.

"Look I'm sorry, you should probably get home, it's late and you have school tomorrow." He said tiredly.

"It's okay, good luck with everything." I said subdued, but not insincerely.

With that I made my way out, playing Shigure's words over and over again in my head. I was a hypocrite, and I knew that. But him saying it aloud, that made it real.

I spent a long time just staring at my ceiling, thinking about the way I had treated all the people here who had tried to be kind to me. The host club, Shigure, I was horrible. I had lashed out at them, and pretty much done everything I could to keep them at arm's length. I hadn't been able to sleep for the last week, and I couldn't bring myself to eat more than a few bites anymore. I feel guilty, guilty for what I've done, and what I continue to do to keep everyone away. And all this talk of siblings today had done nothing to improve my mood, it made me miss them even more.

"I just don't want to do it anymore." I said quietly to myself, a tear escaping from my eye.

I don't want to run and hide, to push people away, to live in this constant hell.

But this is my punishment, so I'll bear it in silence.

It's what I deserve.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next morning I went through the motions, same as every day. Get up, brush teeth; get changed for school, etc. Shaking off my melancholy from last night I acted as if everything was normal, and predictable.

So I was not ready when Hikaru came into class with flaming pink hair.

"Hikaru?" I said, still shocked from the sight of his hair.

"Morning, I can't stand it when people mistake me for that Kaoru." He said spitting out the name Kaoru like it was poison.

"So from now on I'll be the pink one." He said with his usual sardonic smile.

Then another surprise; because right at that moment Kaoru came in with bright blue hair, even when their fighting they have the same ideas.

"Haruhi, I had the most horrible nightmare last night, even though I was so glad to be sleeping alone." He said shooting a look at Hikaru.

"I dreamt that I died my hair this hideous shade of pink, what a disgusting thing to do, I would've looked like an idiot." He said never taking his eyes off Hikaru.

They were both sitting on either side of me, and I felt hopelessly trapped in the middle.

They proceeded to push each other out of their chairs, rather violently.

It was starting to freak me out, this fighting of theirs. The tension in the air was palpable, like two evil dragons facing off against each other. I wasn't a newcomer when it came to fights with brothers, but this was definitely out of my element.

Throughout the entire morning they played pranks on each other, each one more vicious than the last. And of course being in all the same classes with them, I was dragged around the entire day, being pulled in-between them.

It was hard to distance myself from their fight, especially when I just wanted to make them realize how stupid they were being. But it would blow over, it had to.

At lunch I found myself being dragged to the cafeteria, a place that I never ventured. It's not as if I could afford the food, and even if I could I didn't need any extra time with the host club.

I observed Hikaru and Kaoru trying to order their food, even when they were fighting they were perfectly synchronized. It took them a full five minutes to finally order different lunches from each other.

"So it's these two causing the racket, I should've known." Said Tamaki-senpai, flanked by Kyouya-senpai, Mori-senpai and Honey-senpai.

"They really are the disgrace of the club." He said sadly.

"HARUHI!" He yelled noticing me for the first time.

"It's so rare to see you in the cafeteria." He said smiling.

I did my best to focus just beyond his eyes; I didn't need to see the puppy dog-like excitement there.

"I was dragged by the two of them; normally I eat my lunchbox in the library." I said quietly, hoping to extricate myself from the situation quickly.

I ended up being pulled down to a seat by Hikaru, pouting over his lunch.

"Haruhi will you switch lunches with me? I was trying so hard not to order the same thing as Kaoru that I ended up getting something I don't like." He asked.

It was amazing how he could be so irritating, and yet at the same time I felt bad for him.

"Sure," I said.

He pushed his tray over to me, and I knew at once that I wouldn't be able to stomach the rich foods in front of me.

It was one thing to have started eating vegetables, rice, and soup. But I still couldn't always keep my food down, especially when I was having a bad night. Lately most of them had been bad, and although I was trying to keep myself healthy, lest Kyouya-senpai should get on my case again, I hadn't been thoroughly successful.

Speaking of Kyouya-senpai I saw him looking at me. I met his eyes, only to turn away first. He knew, of course he knew.

"You know this isn't a very big portion," Hikaru said.

He said it jokingly, but I could see the worry in his eyes. I didn't want him to worry, that was the point of me backing off.

I was spared from commenting when Tamaki-senpai came over, and instead of fixing things ended up rousing the twins against each other.

It ended with the vice principals face in his bowl of soup. The entire host club was then given the duty of cleaning the cafeteria that day. I ended up doing most of the work, since I was probably the only one who hadn't grown up with servants to clean for me.

After our cleaning duties were done, the host club -minus Hikaru and Kaoru- made our way to the music room.

Tamaki-senpai was completely worn out from the cleaning, not that he contributed much anyway, and had no problem voicing these complaints out loud. Kyouya-senpai commented that if things persisted then ratings for the twins would go down.

But what really struck me was what Honey-senpai said.

"This is the first fight between Hika, and Kao-chan." He said sadly.

"Is it really?" I asked, unable to keep my curiosity from getting the better of me. What kind of siblings don't fight?

"I've known them since kindergarten; they were always playing alone by themselves." Honey-senpai said.

"Yes, I've only known them since junior high, but they looked odd near other people. It seemed they didn't want other people close by." Tamaki-senpai said, more thoughtful than I'd ever seen him.

"So maybe this fight is a good thing, they are expanding their world. Best to just leave them all alone." He said making his way out.

Right as he said that he tripped over a wire that sent many objects hurling towards him. No doubt a trap one of the twins set for the other.

"I"LL PUNISH THEM BOTH!" yelled Tamaki-senpai, clearly unwilling to let them work it out by themselves anymore.

But as I watched them run from Tamaki-senpai it dawned on me.

If this was their first fight, then they don't know how to call it quits. Shake hands and call a truce so to speak. Their fight was rather childish right now, so it shouldn't be too hard to convince them to give it up.

I raced after Tamaki-senpai, with the rest of the host club close behind.

As we got near to them they started yelling at each other again.

"I'm so sick of people thinking I'm you, I'm so fed up. Goddammit Kaoru I HATE YOU!" Hikaru screamed at his brother.

"Well I don't want to look like you at all, I'm so sick of having you as my brother. I don't care if you hate me, because I HATE YOU TOO!"

Hearing this brought back unwanted memories, about stupid fights, things that I couldn't take back. I tried to control my memories, but they wouldn't stay back, I couldn't just let them fight like this. It made me sick to my stomach to hear them, before one of them could utter another word, I stepped out.

"HEY!" I yelled, unaware that I was about to speak to them until the words left my lips.

They both turned to look at me, confused.

"This has gone way too far," I continued angrily. "It's one thing to pull stupid pranks on each other," I said shaking with barely suppressed rage.

"But to say that you hate each other," tears started filling my eyes before I could stop them,

"You say that now, but what if you can't ever take it back." I said, voice breaking.

"Here you are causing all this trouble, well you know what GROW UP." I shrieked, unable to get a handle on my emotions I let them fly.

"I get that siblings fight, I do okay I get it, but what if you say all these things you don't mean, and then you wake up and you can't take them back okay? WHAT THEN GUYS." Tears were sliding down my face now, "Now I want you two to make up, right now." I ordered, wiping the tears from my face.

"And I don't ever want you two to say those things again, whether it's some cruel joke or not. Do you think it's funny to say things like that? Do you think it's humorous to pretend to fight?" I said accusingly.

The entire host club looked at me with such shock, and such confusing; except in Kyouya-senpais case, he looked sympathetic.

"Don't look at me like that." I said to him, voice breaking, trying to hold back more tears.

"Haruhi—" He said reaching for me, but I back away, away from all of them.

As I caught the Kaoru's eye I saw him mouth, "We're sorry." And I knew that they were.

But their fighting had brought up such painful memories that I couldn't stand it. I hated that they had made a mock fight, which I had only realized seconds before I started yelling at them. It clued together when I realized a lot of their fighting had a negative effect on Tamaki-senapai. Before they had said they hated each other, I had tried to tune out the familiarity of sibling rivalry. I hadn't known how much their fight hurt me, until I heard them say it.

I started to walk away from the host club, but then I stopped myself.

I was never going to shut them out, I couldn't. But just because I couldn't shut them out, doesn't mean they need to know everything. I turned right back around, where they seemed frozen in the same spots.

"I can't talk about it, so don't ask." I started, trying to sound strong but failing.

I tried to search for something to say, something that would make sense, but was saved by Kyouya-senpai.

"You don't need to say anything else, let's all go back inside." He said.

I shot him a grateful look, relieved that nobody objected.

Everyone seemed to regard Kyouya-senpai curiously, he wasn't acting as cold as he normally did.

"I don't want to lose any more customers." He said stoically.

I was surprised when the twins each came and grabbed one of my hands.

I squeezed both their hands, unable to get words past the lump in my throat.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next day everything returned to something relatively normal.

Except what I was feeling wasn't normal for me, I felt lighter, maybe even relieved. It had been so long since I had just let my emotions take hold of me, just let go. And as weird as it sounds, I was glad that I did it. Don't get me wrong I was really embarrassed about how I acted in front of the host club, but I just hadn't been able to help myself. I felt like we had a sort of truce, where we could be friends even if I didn't share everything with them.

I was coming to terms with the fact that they may find out eventually, but I couldn't handle that being today. Just Hikaru and Kaoru's fight had been so hard to handle, bringing up any more painful memories would be too much.

I was a little bit scared of how they were going to treat me. They hadn't brought up the scar issue, but this was different. I just hoped and prayed to any higher power to help me, even though it never had before; prayed that they wouldn't treat me differently, that they wouldn't question, that we could all just be.

I was distracted for the day at school, and since our seating arrangements had been switched again I didn't have to directly face the twins. I took a deep breath outside the third music door, trying to calm my nerves.

Finally, I walked in and nothing happened.

They all said their greetings same as normal, and then returned to their customers.

I felt tears come into my eyes, but for once not because I was sad. I could have kissed them, all of them really. As it was I strolled across to an empty table.

On my way I saw that Hikaru and Kaoru still had died hair.

"Now let's play the 'which one is Hikaru' game!" They said mischievously.

"Oh I know," said one of the girls. "Hikaru is the one with the pink hair!" She finished happily.

"That's right they said smiling."

I walked past the twins, and that's when I noticed it.

"Hikaru, why do you have the blue hair today?" I said, a small smile forming on my

mouth.

Both of them just looked at me, stunned.

**HIKARUS POV**

How did she know?

It amazes me.

Haruhi amazes me.

We switched our hair for fun, to see if anyone would know. But they never know, except for Haruhi.

Even our own mother can't tell the difference, but then comes this girl.

She looked so relieved when no one said anything out of the ordinary today. I was still worried about her, she was way too skinny to be healthy, but I think that yelling at us yesterday had been good for her.

At the time I had been shocked, and embarrassed about what Kaoru and I did. But at the same time I was glad.

I was glad that we finally pushed her to the point where she revealed something, even just a little part of herself. And why she's so damn sad all the time.

I just want to hold her until she's not sad anymore.

But it's me and Kaoru; it'll always be me and Kaoru. There would be us, and those apart from us.

Maybe we can adopt her into our family, and then none of us will have to be alone.

I found myself watching her as she entertained her guests; she actually seemed to put some life into it today.

"Kaoru," I started, trying to put my feelings into words.

"I know." He said.

I didn't need to say anything more; he understood what I couldn't say.

I don't know what it is about Haruhi, but I'm oddly protective where she's concerned. All well, I'll need to think of something better for Kaoru and I to do; something that puts our troublemaking to good use.

I looked Haruhi's way again, and smiled at Kaoru.

"So do you think we really need an invitation to her house?" I said.

Kaoru smiled back, immediately understanding.

"I think an invitation has been implied somewhere." He said.

Haruhi has been trying to keep everyone away, but no matter how hard she tries it doesn't work. So we'll force our way in, and make her accept us.

Her shying away again is not an option.

I won't let her pull away from us again, I can't.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**Haruhi's POV**

After an almost normal day at school I made my way to work, not worrying about anything.

I walked into the door, and almost ran into someone.

"I'm sorry." I said.

"It's okay," He said, smiling at me.

There was nothing menacing I could detect in his smile, but it gave me a bad feeling all the same. I tried to shake it off, as Shigure approached us.

"Haruhi, I see that you've met my half-brother." He said, trying hard to be nonchalant.

"Hi, I'm Kokatsu," he said, smile still in place.

I thought I saw something like hunger flash in his eyes, but as soon as the thought formed it was gone.

I was probably imagining things, this had been my first good day, but I was still sleep deprived.

"It's nice to meet you, I'm Haruhi." I said, smiling uneasily.

"From what I hear we're going to get to know each other very well." He said pleasantly.

I shivered a little, it must have been a draft.

"Yes, well I should get to work." I said stepping around him.

I don't know what it is, but something about him makes me almost nervous. But that's weird; I should try to get along with him, for Shigure's sake. It must be tough for him. Feeling better for my resolve I started my work.

Little did I know that someone's eyes never left me for the entire night.

**Okay so finally got this chapter up ! Don't hate me...I will TRY to update sooner. Review ! And thank you to my awesome beta for getting this back to me so quick :**)


	11. Chapter 11

**I AM SO, SO, SO, SO SORRY! I literally could not make myself write this chapter. But don't you worry the next chapter is already being edited, and I will post it in two weeks ! I really hope that you guys are all still with me, and that you aren't disappointed ! REVIEW, let me know what you think ! Also if you are curious about any parts from different peoples perspectives I will definitely write it just as a little aside ! **

**VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE : **

**At one point in the story I will be posting a youtube link to the song that Tamaki is playing, PLEASE CLICK IT. It is a beautiful and perfect song both in life, and in the scene I was writing. So yeah. Sorry about my rant, and sorry about taking forever. Please enjoy 3 **

_Chapter 11_

I was falling into a sort of rhythm with the host club. They didn't pry about my life, and I didn't reveal anything more to them. Even so, I felt happier, sometimes I even thought about how I would explain everything to them; then I thought about what I had to explain and my mood plummeted.

And yet, they were always there for me. Quick with a smile, or different charming antics, it almost made school feel like a safe place; I am pleasantly floating in this bubble with the host club. Yet for all of my newfound peace, I am still dreading the day that the bubble will pop.

Until then, I'll just enjoy it.

It seemed like just another regular day with the host club, albeit a regular day meant being decked out in Arabian garb, with lavish decorations surrounding us. But much to all of our surprise a young boy walked in.

He seemed completely shell-shocked and I couldn't help but sympathize with him, every day was like a new surprise with these boys.

"Are you the king?" the boy asked.

Tamaki-senpai looked ecstatic to actually be called king.

"I am junior sections grade 5 class A's Takaouji Shirou! And I would like to apply as the host club king's apprentice" he said forcefully.

Tamaki-senpai of course accepted, and proceeded to show him just how he treated each of his customers.

He really was in fine form today,

"When you're in front of me my heart beats so quickly. As if I am a youth tasting love for the first time…" he said huskily, pulling his girl of the moment close.

It astonished me every day how much he would lavish girls with his compliments as easily as he gave away his smiles.

It made me wonder if there would ever be a girl to capture his heart so completely that he found himself unable to look at anyone but her with those adorable, naïve blue eyes of his. As I was mulling this thought over I noticed how closely his new apprentice was situated to him and this girl.

Freakishly close, in fact.

I felt Kyouya-senpai come up beside me, and I couldn't help but say,

"Learning from such close observation, isn't it distracting?" I was a little weirded out by it to be honest.

"He was preaching that close-up observations could reflect more of his beauty. " Kyouya-senpai said.

"Of course he was." I said rolling my eyes.

Kyouya-senpai shot me a sardonic looking smile, and I couldn't keep a small answering smile from forming.

It was strange, that everyone thought Kyouya-senpai so cold. I mean, I could understand why they thought so, but when you got past that icy exterior, and somewhat icy interior, you could find this blazing ball of passion.

Now I personally have only ever seen this once, when he was so mad at me that he let his rage loose.

But since then I am always able to see just a glimmer of that fire smoldering in his eyes, even when he's showing his cool side. So it sort of throws me every time I see him acting so calculated, because I know that he isn't always like that.

I was distracted by my musings of Kyouya-senpai when I heard Tamaki's apprentice speak up, and quite rudely too.

"I would never use such blatant flattery; I mean she's more like the crucian carp in my garden's pond."

And with those lovely words the girl ran off crying.

Everything is so dramatic here…

"Nice little brother you've got there Tono." Hikaru chimed in sarcastically.

"Hikaru you'd prefer a brother like him better?" Kaoru said in his whiny child's voice.

Hikaru grabbed his brother by the face and said "Idiot, even if I searched the world no one could ever compare to you."

I was sorely tempted to just continue to roll my eyes; they really are too much sometimes.

But it's the same with the twins as with Kyouya-senpai, they put on this persona only to have their eyes reveal themselves. Those mischievous golden brown eyes always have a type of reserve in them. Playing all the jokes that they do and keeping up this brotherly love act that they have is their way of keeping their distance. I would like to think that they have let me farther in than most, which makes me happier than it should.

Tamaki's apprentice seemed properly disturbed by the incestuous display by the twins, I was glad to know that I wasn't the only one.

"Those people freaking you out a bit?" I asked.

He inspected me a little too closely for my liking and said, rather rudely

"Are you a transvestite?"

To my credit I didn't even blink, just laughed inwardly at his observation.

To my great amusement, Tamaki and the twins did their best to distract him from this current line of thought.

This boy proved himself to be a whole lot of trouble over the next hour. He was incredibly rude, managing to thoroughly piss off every member of the host club, myself excluded.

Eventually Tamaki-senpai became so fed up that he simply locked him in a cage that just happened to appear out of nowhere.

I swear you find the strangest things in this music room.

"I'm running out of time!" Shirou cried out desperately. "You are a genius right?! So teach me your ways." he pleaded.

At the word genius I knew that Tamaki-senpai was sold. He really could be a simpleton at times.

"Well it looks like you are serious then. Fine, I will help you." Said Tamaki-senpai, all earlier grievances apparently forgotten.

"Judging by your situation, I would say that you are the mischievous type." Tamaki senpai told Shirou.

He proceeded to explain what being the mischievous type entailed; wearing shorts, always appearing wounded, and acting tough.

"This is ridiculous! If you don't want to teach me seriously then forget it!" Shirou yelled running out of the room.

"I really thought he would like the mischievous type." Tamaki spoke, deadly serious.

"I don't know," I began "He said something about running out of time."

This mystery of Shirou had sufficiently piqued Tamaki-senpai's interest. And, of course, like all of his ridiculous schemes, I ended up dressed as a girl.

Although this time I wasn't the only one in costume, Honey-senpai and I were both in middle school uniforms so that we could sneak into Shirou's school. Tamaki senpai had explained it away as a necessity, but I'm pretty sure that's bullshit.

Wearing a girls uniform like this makes me feel uncomfortable. Not because I'm out of touch with my true gender, I very much identify as female. It's more that it brings back the days when I really did dress as a girl all the time. I used to love skirts and dresses, and feeling pretty. Not that I was obsessed with looks by any means. But it was something that used to make me feel good. Now it just reminds me of what used to be.

Hikaru's POV

She's so damn cute.

Looking around at the other boys I know that they think so too. How could you not?

I feel like we have finally made some progress with her. Real progress. I'm not always scared now that she's going to burst out into tears or run away from us.

Kaoru keeps cautioning me to give her space, let her come to us. I know that he's right, it's just hard, especially when she's looking so adorable.

One by one we all shuffled into the middle school classroom, disguises really weren't needed.

"I wonder if our graffiti on the desks is still here?" Kaoru asked as we shared a look, remembering all of the fun we had here together.

"No they change the desks every year." Kyouya replied in that know-it-all way of his.

"SHH!" Haruhi said, deadly serious.

The look on her face was absolutely precious. So precious that none of us said a word, lest we should disappoint her.

It was times like these that I found it hard to take my eyes of her, she was simply captivating.

Haruhi's POV

I hadn't actually expected all of the boys to shut up, but somehow they did; at least for a moment.

For some reason being in this middle school outfit was making me feel rather childish, I kind of liked it.

Middle school had been a lot of fun, back before my life had been so drastically altered. I used to flirt with all the boys, just because I could. It was sort of funny to think how silly and girly I had been, not realizing that there were more important things in life than what boys liked me or how I wore my hair. In all honesty though, I did quite miss my long hair. It had taken me years to grow it out, reaching just above my waist.

I fingered the wig I was currently wearing with a sigh, thinking back to the good old days as I now referred to them.

"Haruhi whatever happened to your hair?" Hikaru asked playfully.

"Yes I wondered that too, from the pictures we saw it used to be very long." Tamaki-senpai added, always ready to throw his two cents in.

I looked each one of them in the eye, knowing that they wouldn't really understand the truth. I may be growing closer to them, but I'm not ready to tell them everything.

"Gum got stuck in my hair, instead of trying to untangle it, I cut my hair." I said pleasantly.

Obviously I hadn't said it pleasantly enough, for each of the boys seemed dubious. Tamaki-senpai in particular looked very unconvinced. It looked as if he would press the matter further, but for once fate was on my side. Thankfully, we heard instruments being played and children laughing, distracting the boys from anything to do with me.

"Must be mandatory activity" Hikaru said with a smile, as if remembering being in this room.

"Look there's Shirou!" I said, spotting him in the room next door.

The scene we watched unfold before us made a lot of sense, given Shirou's disgust with Tamaki-senpai's ways.

He was sitting there alone, an expression of nonchalance on his face. Then a pretty little girl came up and asked him if he would like to play the piano with her. He gruffly declined her offer, much to the girl's dismay.

However, once she started playing, Shirou's face was transformed. It was then that we realized he was in love with the pretty little girl. He was simply too shy to express these feelings properly.

Tamaki-senpai dove right in there and charmed a little girl into revealing the story of the pretty little girl. Her name was Kamishiro Hina-chan, and her family would be moving to Germany in a week.

With this new information all of Shirou's worries made sense. He was in love with this girl, but in a state of anxiety due to her impending departure.

Suddenly, Shirou noticed all of us intruding in his classroom.

"What are you doing coming all the way here?!" He shouted.

Tamaki-senpai reacted strangely, his face completely unreadable. He merely picked Shirou up and began walking away with him.

"What are you doing you big idiot?" Shirou yelled, among other things.

"You're the one who's an idiot." Tamaki-senpai said, almost angrily.

"You come to us asking how to make girls happy, but you don't want to learn how to make girls happy. You want to make her happy. That is something only you can figure out."

Shirou looked utterly defeated as he said, "It doesn't matter anyway, I'm out of time. She asked me to play the piano with her. But it wasn't the piano I liked, it was her. It was the thought of playing with her."

He was filled with such heartbreak that I couldn't help but sympathize with him. It wouldn't help to mention to him his tender age, his heartbreak was real, no matter what his age.

To my great surprise Tamaki-senpai revealed a piano hidden in the host club's room. Noticing my surprise Hunny-senpai laughed.

"It is a music room Haru-chan." He said sweetly.

I laughed a little myself, but was startled into silence by the scene unfolding before my eyes.

Tamaki named the practice piece Shirou was to play, simply remarking on its simplicity. With that, he went about playing the entire two part Sonata.

It was beautifully executed. I had no idea Tamaki-senpai could play the piano, his fingers seemed to glide across the keyboard with such practiced grace I couldn't help but envy him. His golden hair fell just right above those stunning blue eyes and I couldn't help but stare. Stare at this perfect image of Tamaki-senpai, he seemed transformed as he played, more serious.

"From what I saw," Tamaki-senpai began, "It looked like she wanted to play with you."

The look of pure tenderness on his face made me catch my breath. It was easy to forget how handsome a boy he was when he was being so ridiculous. But now, it was all I could think about.

As Tamaki-senpai began teaching Shirou how to play, I was embarrassed to realize how long I had simply been staring at him. Tamaki-senpai briefly looked up at me, and I quickly averted my eyes.

Tamaki-senpai outlined a training schedule for Shirou that spanned the entire week. I would have stayed longer, but I had to get to work.

I made my way to work, almost dreading going in. I couldn't explain it, but lately I had been feeling uncomfortable about working at Kurosaki's. It was nothing concrete I could put my finger on, I just didn't feel safe. It kind of felt like my spidey senses were tingling. At first I thought it was Kokatsu, but he had been nothing but friendly towards me.

I finally arrived, and Kokatsu happened to be the first to greet me.

"Hey Haruhi, how was school?" He questioned amiably.

"It was fine, how was your day?" I replied.

"Excellent now." He said smiling, if you could even call it smiling. His eyes raked over me at this admission.

I almost jumped when Shigure tapped my shoulder, extending his own greetings. When I looked back at Kokatsu he was smiling normally, making me wonder what made me so completely nervous around him.

By closing time it was once again Shigure and I, even Kokatsu had retired for the night.

"How is everything going?" I asked.

Kokatsu was Shigure's half-brother; they had a complicated and messy family history. But essentially Kokatsu had to stay with Shigure because of some major trouble that their dad had gotten himself into.

"It's been kind of a weird transition," he admitted. "But he doesn't seem like a bad kid, a little bit introverted, but nice." he decided.

"Well I'm glad." I said.

"What do you think of him?" Shigure asked.

I didn't want to freak him out with my crazy mistrust of Kokatsu, I had nothing to base it off of.

"He's always been really nice to me." I said, forcing a smile.

Shigure seemed tired enough to buy this lie, and I prayed that I would shake off this unease I felt about Kokatsu soon. I left work feeling anxious, but also guilty for my anxiety. I vowed to make a better effort with Kokatsu, more for Shigure's sake than anything else.

I shook off unpleasant thoughts of work, and instead began to look forward to going to the host club. Seeing Tamaki-senpai working so hard with Shirou was heartwarming.

For the next week Tamaki-senpai spent all of his time practicing with Shirou, he was a relentless teacher, but in the end it paid off.

The music room was dressed with elaborate decorations, including each member of the host club donning a tuxedo for Shirou's big reveal. Kamishiro had received an invitation to the music room, where Shirou and a piano were waiting for her.

Both of them looked so happy, so beautiful in their blissful naivety.

It made my heart ache, to see these children so happy and in love. Unaware the ugliness the world had to offer. It felt right to have done such a good thing, even though I had really only witnessed it.

It made me miss my family, this awkward display of affection. The familiar pang in my heart alerted me to the tears that would soon begin to flow.

I quietly disengaged myself from the happy scene, opting to take a walk in the fresh air.

I let a few quiet tears slip. This was different from the bone crushing despair I often felt; it was more of a silent grieving. Acknowledgement of all I had lost.

I must have wandered around the school grounds the entire afternoon. But I knew I would need to return home eventually.

Reluctantly I made my way back to the music room so that I could gather my things, I assumed that the rest of the Host Club had gone home by now. I was grateful that they had all given me some distance today; it was exactly what I had needed.

Feeling sad, but steady, I opened the doors to the room. ( watch?v=F-4wUfZD6oc)

However, instead of being the only one in here, I heard a beautiful haunting melody being played.

I made my way over, as if in a trance.

I wasn't surprised to find Tamaki-senpai playing the piano.

The setting sun was basking him in a warm glow, making him truly look like a prince.

When he plays the piano he seems more open somehow, stripped away is the incredible narcissism and flamboyance. Instead what's left is the serious side of him, the man he might one day become.

I stayed for the entire song, letting the beauty of the music wash away the pain I had been feeling. If Tamaki-senpai saw me then he gave no indication, his violet blue eyes intensely focused.

I was mesmerized.

As the song drew to a close I felt a single tear slide down my face. Tamaki-senpai looked up at me, his expression still retaining the intensity from his playing.

"That was beautiful." I whispered, my breath catching slightly.

I didn't wish to speak too loudly and disrupt the magic that enveloped the room.

Tamaki-senpai walked over and ever so gently wiped the stray tear from my face. Even if I had wanted to, I knew that I couldn't look away from him.

"Haruhi," He began softly. "What really happened to your hair?"

I knew that he hadn't bought my gum explanation. And as much as I wanted to lie again, given our close proximity I just didn't have it in me.

"I couldn't stand it anymore."

"It was a reminder of my old life, everything I had lost. So in a fit of depression or hysteria or something, I just cut it all off."

It was scary making an admission like that, especially to Tamaki-senpai. I was frightened of the repercussions, already I began to feel tears forming behind my eyes.

"Thank you." Tamaki-senpai said simply and somehow I knew that he understood.

Instead of pressing the matter further he smiled sweetly, and backed away. This broke the spell he had unknowingly put me under, and I quickly gathered my things and left.

On my walk home, with the wind blowing all around me, I felt almost free. It's bewildering to have given this small piece of me to Tamaki-senpai.

I unlocked the door to my quaint little apartment and was immediately struck with the feeling that something was wrong; my heart starting beating wildly as I looked around for something amiss.

I didn't see anything, and almost laughed at my bizarre reaction. I felt a cold wind shudder through the apartment and quickly went to close the window.

That's when I realized it; I always left my windows closed.

Someone had been in my house.

**I hope that you all enjoyed this ! PLEASE REVIEW. Also don't be mad it took so long ! 3 Next chapter coming up soon don't you lovely people worry ! **


	12. Chapter 12

**This is definitely one of my faster updates. You are welcome. Mostly I feel bad since it took me almost a year to update after last time...I am determined to finish this story one way or another ! I just hope I haven't lost too many viewers because the last chapter took so long. Anyway, enough about my shortcomings as an almost author or whatever, enjoy!**

**R&R please ! **

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Ouran, if I did I wouldn't be waking up at six tomorrow to go to school.

Chapter 12

I was shaking with fear as I searched the apartment much more methodically this time. I knew with absolute certainty that someone had been here. I even went so far as to pull out the mounds of luggage that belonged to me. In my haste to come here for school I had brought a lot of stuff that I didn't need.

Most notably were all the girly things I had owned, lots of shoes, skirts, and dresses; things that I hadn't worn in what felt like a lifetime. I thought that those seemed more disheveled than when I left them, but I couldn't be sure.

Other than the possible disruption of my old clothes I didn't see anything astray. I quickly locked all the doors and window and used the landline to call my superintendent.

"Excuse me; I was wondering if anyone had been up in Apartment 26B?" I asked nervously.

"They shouldn't have been dear," said the sweet old lady who was my new landlord.

"Do you need me to report a break in?" She asked, concern coloring her tone.

"No that's okay; I think I'm just overreacting." I said trying to calm my racing heart and shaking hands.

As the time went by I became less and less convinced that someone had broken in. But I couldn't yet dismiss the feeling of absolute terror I had felt upon opening my door.

I decided to allay my fears with some school work. This proved an excellent distraction for the next few hours, although I often caught myself daydreaming about that beautiful song on the piano, and the beautiful boy who had been playing it.

I mentally gave my head a shake. This was Tamaki-senpai, ridiculous, egocentric, childish, Tamaki-senpai.

"You will not like him." I spoke allowed to myself.

I had been getting pretty close to the host club, but in no way was I ready to truly like anyone. I had a lot more healing left to do. This is going to sound dramatic, it even sounds dramatic to me, but I can't picture myself ever being in a relationship with anyone at this point.

There's just too much darkness and anger and betrayal and most overwhelmingly there is still guilt inside of me. I can't ever see myself sharing that scary, secret part of me with someone; least of all Tamaki-senpai, with his good looks and easy life style. I wondered if any of the boys had truly struggled with something, everything seemed so effortless for them; and while I sensed depth in all of them, I wasn't entirely convinced.

Nighttime came all too soon, and I was afraid of my mystery intruder.

I knew that it was illogical, but in my mind I was convinced that it was him.

It couldn't be though; they had taken him away, presumably forever. To be honest I really hadn't kept up with the details of his trial, but there had been so much overwhelming evidence that they couldn't help but convict him.

Right?

That small shadow of doubt stayed lodged in the back of my mind, and I found myself fingering my scar, wondering if he truly was here. I found myself picking up the phone to call, I don't even know who, about a million times. Maybe Kyouya-senpai? Or Tamaki-senpai? Or maybe even someone from back home who I hadn't talked to in almost a year.

Sleep eventually came, but it was restless and I was plagued with terrible nightmares.

I was in my apartment, same as always, doing some homework. When all of the sudden I heard this terrible banging on the door.

I was paralyzed with fear, but whoever it was kept on banging.

Eventually I heard the door start to splinter, and I knew with absolute certainty that they would be through in a matter of moments.

My mind screamed at my body to do something, anything. Grab a weapon! Hide! But my body stubbornly refused to listen.

A shattering, I knew that they were here.

The footsteps kept coming, two of them, and I knew this was it.

I felt pain, and then something warm and wet. I looked down and saw my scar looking exactly the way it did when I got it.

It was jagged, the flesh torn roughly, the sticky red substance flowing incessantly.

All I could do was scream, and scream. Waiting for my death, because I knew it was inevitable.

I jolted upright in my bed, falling to the ground in the process. I banged my elbow pretty hard, but other than that I seemed fine.

At least I was physically fine. Emotionally, that dream had horrified me. The confusing part was that I had been certain that there were two of them, and that was not consistent with my memories.

I climbed back into my bed, hiding myself beneath the covers as best as I could. I knew that there would be no more sleep for me tonight, so I simply waited for the dawn to come.

Eventually I got up, going through the motions of getting ready, going to school. It felt like I was in a dream state. Vaguely I had the notion of being pulled by the twins, and before I knew it I was sent off in a car. This really should have alarmed me, but honestly I couldn't care less.

The rhythm of the car must have lulled me to sleep, because I startled awake to the balmy heat of a tropical beach. Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes I looked around and was met with beautiful, yet undeniably fake, palm trees bearing realistic looking fruits. The water looked clean and welcoming, and yet as I looked around I realized that this was some sort of dome, not truly a beach.

I looked and saw the members of the host club grinning at me, and realized that they had brought me here against my will.

Probably smart since I would have refused them had they asked.

I shot Kyouya-senpai an accusing look.

"This is my family's resort that they are testing out. So we have free reign of the place." He said smiling. Although I'm pretty sure the only reason he was smiling was because he sensed my discomfort.

I looked down and was dismayed to see myself in a rumpled school uniform. At least the boys had, had the good sense to grab some flip flops for me so I wasn't walking around in my sneakers. I was handed some shorts and a t-shirt, and I left to go change.

As I was coming up in my newly acquired clothing, I heard the boys chatting.

"Ah, it's so relaxing here." Tamaki-senpai sighed contently, stretching out on a chair. "No need to worry about entertaining customers all the time."

Yeah it's such a hard knock life for him, I thought bitterly.

I really am cranky when I wake up.

"I call this the handsome warrior's break." He exclaimed obnoxiously.

I was glad to see that our little moment in the music room the other night hadn't changed his attitude toward me in the slightest.

He began making small talk that really couldn't interest me less, so I just tuned him out as per usual.

"Look guys I really need to get going," I began, still feeling the draining effects of my hellish night.

I was promptly ignored in my pleas to get home and resigned myself to another day spent with the host club.

"Kyouya-senpai, what does your family even do?" I asked, it had been my impression that they ran hospitals. "Well I mean hospital management, swimming pool management?" I asked with confusion.

"We do management business I guess you could say. You could also say that they are both related in the recovery category." He gave me a sly smile.

"Haruhi lets go play in the water!" Hikaru laughed, a big smile on his face.

He and Kaoru had obviously just been in the pool, as they were both dripping wet. I felt a blush creeping up my neck as I noticed all of the half-naked, attractive boys I found myself in the company of.

"But your swimsuit!" Exclaimed Kaoru.

The boys proceeded to sort through a bunch of girly bikinis they had obviously brought for me. It was kind of creepy that they had all these girls' clothes. I was about to say as much when Kyouya-senpai interceded on their behalf.

"Their mother is a clothing designer, so they get it from her." He explained, going back to his newspaper.

I studied Kyouya-senpai, wondering if he had any idea that my apartment had been broken into. He didn't appear to know, but he was a master at being cold and calculated. Still it freaked me out, what if Kyouya-senpai really didn't know? I don't want to sound like a pathetic heroine, but I'm not really equipped to deal with robbers and/or stalkers.

As if sensing my gaze on him he looked up.

"Is Everything alright?" He asked, and just for a moment I could've sworn I saw concern in those dark eyes of his.

It took everything I had not to confess right then and there, but I needed more proof than an opening window and a sickening feeling of dread.

"Yeah it's fine." I said. "This really just isn't my kind of place." I continued honestly.

"Why not?" Tamaki-senpai asked incredulously, interrupting Kyouya-senpai and I.

"I don't know; the fake trees and water it just doesn't appeal to me." I said shrugging my shoulders.

Tamaki-senpai and the twins looked properly aghast at this statement. But before they could finish Honey-senpai ran over.

"Haru-chan come play with me!" He pleaded in that childlike voice.

"Honey-senpai can you not swim?" I asked referring to the bunny patterned floating device he was wearing.

"It's just cuter this way!" He said with a smile before running off.

Suddenly Kyouya-senpai was behind all of us, moving quietly which was fitting for his cunning personality.

"Now imagine if you place the subject in that sentence instead." He said with laughter in his eyes.

"I'm just cuter this way." Tamaki-senpai said.

We all looked at Honey-senpai, wondering how much of his cuteness was calculated.

We continued to gape as Honey-senpai sat on Mori-senpai's back and had him paddling against the stream. He wasn't going anywhere, anytime soon.

Tamaki-senpai once again continued his lounging, but not for long if the twins had anything to say about it.

I found myself just going through the motions today, not really feeling much of anything. I guess lack of sleep will do that to you. Not that I was any stranger to lack of sleep, or even lack of emotions for that matter. The terror I had felt last night seemed almost silly in the light of this tropical paradise. Yet, I still knew I hadn't imagined it.

However, I was done being a victim in my own life. I had already taken measures this morning to avoid another intruder or the same intruder again. I called a locksmith to install extra locks on my door and windows. It will take a few days, but I feel better for having done it.

"Tono let's play, me and Kaoru versus you." Hikaru said waving a water gun around.

"Who wants to play such childish games," Tamaki-senpai muttered to himself.

"Haruhi, let's get married right now. Then we can go on our honey moon." Kaoru said pulling me close, and holding both my hands in his.

I immediately recognized the impishness in his eyes, and had to fight to keep a grin off my face.

Naturally, Tamaki-senpai was in a rage over this, and immediately began screaming and chasing the twins with his water gun. Those boys certainly knew how to rile Tamaki-senpai up.

I have pretty much given up hope that I'll be going home anytime soon, so I might as well try and enjoy myself. I grabbed one of the drinks on the bar; it was very fruity and was even displayed in a pineapple cup.

I was soon rewarded with the sight of Mori-senpai finally emerging from the pool. He ran a hand through his dripping wet hair, and I noticed with the utmost impartiality how attractive he was.

"You're taking a rest?" I asked.

He merely nodded; Mori-senpai certainly wasn't one for excess words.

"Want to drink some?" I asked, offering my drink. It must have been tiring, swimming against the current as he had been doing.

Before Mori-senpai could answer we were interrupted by the shouts of Tamaki-senpai and the twins. Apparently there little war had made its way back to us.

With all the dramatics you had come to expect, Tamaki-senpai made some crazy "dead blow sideway rolling steam" shot as he named it to nail the twins. However, since he isn't the most graceful at times, he ended up falling on some sort of lever.

Immediately after the current began picking up where Honey-senpai was. All of the sudden a huge wave came and swept him away, with the current dashing him across at impressive speeds. The rest of us merely gaped, except for Mori-senpai who jumped into action.

"Mitskuni!" He yelled, worry and panic evident in his face and tone.

He jumped in after Honey-senpai without hesitation, but unfortunately for him he jumped in at the exact spot the current switched. So while Honey-senpai was carried off top speed one way, Mori-senpai was carried off full speed in the opposite direction.

"Kyouya how do we make it stop?!" Asked Tamaki-senpai, panicking.

"There isn't any way to stop it now that the lever is broken." He said calmly. It kind of irked me how utterly calm he could be in any situation. I myself was worried for Honey-senpai, I knew that Mori-senpai could take care of himself, but Honey-senpai was pretty much a child in most respects.

"First of all let's go after Honey!" Tamaki-senpai proclaimed with renewed vigor.

But as he went to step across the pool, he came into contact with a crocodile.

Wait was I hallucinating? If I was hallucinating we all were, we quickly ran in the opposite direction as fast as we could. This sprint didn't last very long, at least for me since I was very out of shape.

In the midst of it all we met up with Mori-senpai again, we were all panting from our run in with the crocodiles.

I was about to ask Kyouya-senpai what the hell was going on when we heard him making a list.

"The crocodile pasture is extremely dangerous. The piranha pond should be fixed again, and there's an issue with the location of the lever." He said to himself and his clipboard.

"Thanks to you I collected a lot of useful data." He noted, a grin of evil across his face.

We all just stared dumbfounded. We had been the test subjects, of course.

"The faculties were still in experimental stage." He said by way of explanation. I didn't sense any apology forthcoming either.

As I took in our surroundings I realized we were in a very different part of the dome. It looked like untamed jungle with a few stray huts where we were, nothing of the civilized beach we had just run from.

"Where are we?" Asked Tamaki-senpai, echoing my own thoughts.

"We are in the northern section, and if my calculations are correct it's time for the rain." Kyouya-senpai replied.

As if in response to his words a monsoon rain began. I shivered, hoping there wouldn't be any thunder or lightening. It didn't use to scare me, but ever since that night thunderstorms terrify me. However, just rain by itself didn't scare me.

The twins pulled me under the nearest shelter with them, and I heard Tamaki-senpai yelling to make sure his daughter was okay. I assume that's me. The twins love to poke fun at Tamaki-senpai for being a pervert, it's kind of funny. I don't really think that he is, but to pretend I think so is useful when I find us getting too close.

Kyouya-senpai pulled out a map of the arena and I was shocked to find that it spanned kilometers in all directions.

Tamaki-senpai started giving out orders about who was in what team etc. Everyone promptly ignored him and started one way. I thought he was going to get left behind, but he caught up to us quickly enough.

I found myself walking beside Mori-senpai, trying to gauge his feelings. It was hard to tell what he was thinking because he looked so indifferent most of the time. I wish that I could pull off that look as well as he did, it could be useful. I assume he's worried, I've never actually seen him or Honey-senpai separated for any period of time.

Mori-senpai lagged behind a bit and even tripped on a loose branch, this seemed very unlike him. Generally I would consider Mori-senpai very graceful.

"They are really good friends" I mused aloud.

"Well of course, he and Honey-senpai are cousins." Kaoru replied.

"The Morinozuka family served the Haninozuka family for generations." Kyouya-senpai chimed in.

"Although the two families were made relatives two generations ago," Began Kaoru.

"Mori-senpai still stays close to Honey-senpai." Hikaru finished.

"It's the same blood that flows in his veins." Tamaki-senpai said seriously. That is before he started to cry at how beautiful it was.

He really is too much.

Although I didn't know what to make of the information I had just been given, it was clear Mori-senpai was distressed.

I went up to him and gently put my hand on his shoulder.

"Mori-senpai, don't worry." I said softly. "Honey-senpai will be safe."

I know I can't guarantee that, but sometimes just hearing reassuring words is enough.

For the first time, Mori-senpai actually smiled at me. It made me wonder why he didn't do it more often; it was a heart wrenching smile. He patted my head sweetly, reminding me of my older brother. Unbidden tears came to my eyes, but I smiled at Mori-senpai in return regardless.

Abruptly he straightened up, "It's this way." He said.

"No, Honey-senpai should be this way." I said pointing in another direction.

"No it's that way." He said with so much conviction I couldn't help but believe him.

He started making his way through the underbrush, and I had no choice but to follow him.

"Hold on, wait for me!" I said.

"Haruhi." He said, right before he picked me up and cradled me in his arms.

I couldn't help but feel small and weak in his arms, he was a very tall boy, and muscular in his slimness.

This is the first time he's ever called me by my name, I thought absently.

I felt safe for the first time in a while cradled in Mori-senpai's arms. I knew that it was nothing romantic, more a feeling of protection, of comfort.

The comfort of family.

"You seem healthier, I'm glad." Mori-senpai said in that stoic way of his.

He was probably referring to my weight. When I was at my skinniest he had picked me up a few times and commented on my disturbing anorexia. But now I had gained a few much needed pounds. I still wasn't at a healthy weight, but I was getting there.

Before I knew what was happening, Mori-senpai and I were surrounded by what looked like a SWAT team, guns and all.

"We have found the boy of small stature." I heard one of them report.

"You need to put the small boy down." Another of the men demanded of Mori-senpai.

I didn't know what was happening, but it didn't look good. Mori-senpai got this dangerous look in his eye, and I knew that he wasn't about to give me up to these men, guns or not.

"He's resisting! Prepare to fire!" I heard another one shout. I wanted to tell Mori-senpai to stand down; I didn't think these men were bad. But before I could get a word in Honey-senpai came swinging in.

He literally came swinging… on a rope.

"Mori! Haruhi! Move out!" Honey-senpai yelled.

HYA!

Honey-senpai first kicked down a bunch of men just detaching from his rope. The dangerous look in his eye was even more frightening than the one Mori-senpai had, had just moments before. I couldn't believe my own eyes, to see Honey-senpai literally kick the shit out of these men. Within moments every single one of the fifteen men was down for the count.

My mouth was wide open in shock. I must have looked comical, but I couldn't help myself.

"You dare to be so rude when you can't even fight." Honey-senpai said, his childlike voice contradicting the scene I just moments before witnessed.

"You mess with my friends and you're a goner!" He said sweetly.

The rest of the boys joined us then, not appearing concerned with the men lying around Honey-senpai's feet.

"Didn't you know?" Asked Hikaru.

I shook my head.

"Honey-senpai and his family are world renowned for the fighting arts; he has won the judo championship every year." Kaoru finished.

I looked at Honey-senpai again, I had completely underestimated him. He certainly acted like a child, but he was strong beyond belief. If I hadn't just witnessed it with my own eyes I wouldn't have believed it.

"Mori, good job in protecting Haru-chan!" Honey-senpai said, rewarding Mori-senpai with a pat on the head. It would have seemed degrading or patronizing if the boy wasn't so sweet.

"You weren't too lonely without me were you?" Asked Honey-senpai.

"No, not really." Replied Mori-senpai, his stoic face perfectly intact.

With that Mori-senpai bounded off, carrying Honey-senpai on his shoulders. They really had the strangest relationship, but still I envied it. I thought back to that moment Mori-senpai and I had shared, he had reminded me so much of my brother in that moment I had almost cried. I missed him with such a physical ache, even though we had fought like crazy. But he had always protected me from bullies and other boys alike.

I was startled out of my heartache by the twins.

"Next time we'll go to the ocean!" They said simultaneously.

"Don't be stupid, Haruhi wouldn't want to go there." Tamaki-senpai chimed in, beside me.

"If it's the ocean, I'd like to go." I said, a wistful smile on my face.

I loved the ocean. The peace, the serenity, it made me and my problems feel small in the face of something so large and unyielding. The sand beneath your toes and the wind through your hair is a magical feeling.

I went to the beach once with my family, it was the perfect day.

My stomach clenched, and I felt dry sobs climbing up the back of my throat. Would I ever be able to think of them and smile at the memories instead of cry? I probably didn't deserve that much. I had been feeling pretty normal lately, and that was even scarier than the pain. At least the pain had been constant and expected. Now I was just taken away by my emotions at unexpected times.

I wrapped both hands around myself and walked away from the host club. I couldn't be around them right now, they wouldn't understand. I felt their gazes boring into my back, but I just needed a moment to myself.

Instead of solitude, I found Kyouya-senpai. He looked up at me, and instead of the cold calculation that was so characteristic of him, I found something warmer. He merely put his hand on my shoulder while I regained my composure.

Not a word was spoken between us, and I knew that he understood in his own way.

It had never been my intention, but these boys had inadvertently become my family. I truly believed that. It made times like these a little less horrible, because I had people that cared for me in at least some small degree.

Right now that's enough for me.

It has to be.

**So I hope that was enjoyable for all ! I also hope it wasn't disappointing or anything. I am REALLY looking forward to writing the next chapter, so it shouldn't be tooooo long coming. As always R&R and thanks so much for reading my story. **


	13. Chapter 13

**Hello my beautiful people ! I am sorry it has taken me so long to update, however the next chapter (which is incredibly long I might add) has already been written ! So I'm giving you kids a week to enjoy this little appetizer, and then the main course chapter will be served next week ! So I apologize for the shortness, but I wanted to split the chapter up a bit since it was 25 pages and just short of ten thousand words. ANYWAY, enjoy, review, all that jazz. **

**Disclaimer: I still own nothing, sadly that fact is never going to change. **

_Chapter 13 _

I expected it would be just another Friday with the host club. After our adventure at the resort things had been pretty relaxed and, to be honest, I was kind of enjoying it.

"Ready for the beach?" Asked the twins excitedly.

I shot them a look of confusion.

"The beach?" I asked.

Although I had expressed interest in going to the beach, I hadn't thought they'd actually been listening.

"Yes, you said you wanted to see the ocean!" Hikaru said.

"So where to, the Caribbean? Fiji?" asked Kaoru, bouncing on the spot.

"Look I don't have any money to afford that kind of thing..." I said, not relishing the idea.

"We can see about lending you some money. With compounded interest, of course." Kyouya-senpai smirked at me.

Always looking for personal gain. Glad some things never change.

"We even have a swimming suit for you!" The twins said, regaining my attention.

They pulled out, seemingly from nowhere, a mannequin with a swimsuit on it. It included a pink ruffled bikini top and matching bottoms. Not at all suited to my tastes, not that I had been wearing bathing suits recently.

There was nothing they could say or do that would make me put on that swimsuit. Not only was it obnoxiously pink, but it would have revealed my scar for the entire host club to see.

"I like this kind of swimsuit better!" Honey-senpai said, pointing to another swimsuit among the many Kaoru and Hikaru seemed to be in possession of. This one was a navy blue one piece with some added frills at the side.

At least it wasn't pink.

"No, no!" Hikaru and Kaoru cried together.

"You see, Haruhi pretty much has no chest. So a one piece would reveal the weakness of her figure. See the frills cover up that washboard chest of hers." They explained, with the utmost sincerity.

It stung a little bit, to hear them speak about my body like that. However, they may have had a point.

Really, what did it matter anyway? It's not like I have any romantic interest in them, so who cares?

'You do.' Whispered a mocking voice in the back of my mind.

I promptly shut down that train of thought, and shot Kaoru and Hikaru a scathing look.

"Thank you, It's not like I'm standing right here or anything." I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

"ARE YOU SEXUALLY HARASSING MY DAUGHTER, BASTARDS?" Yelled Tamaki-senpai, rampaging in.

His face grew pink as he yelled at them about treating their sister with more respect. I guess I was the sister?

Over the ruckus I heard Kyouya-senpai.

"Is it my fate to be saddled with three kids at only 17?" He sounded exasperated.

Was Kyouya-senpai cracking jokes? I was startled into a laugh. He shot me a somewhat crooked smile, and I couldn't help but smile in return. Ordinarily, Kyouya-senpai was distant, but every once in a while he would show me just a glimmer of another side to him. I tried not to read too far into it, but I liked that he chose to share that part of himself with me.

"Of course we are still going to the ocean!" Tamaki-senpai broke into my thoughts, answering a question posed by the twins I presumed.

"Its settled then." Said the twins, matching smiles and all.

"I have no objections." Stated Kyouya-senpai calmly, his reserved demeanour back once again as he noted something down in that little book of his.

"Then lets go to the beach!" Tamaki-senpai announced happily pointed dramatically upwards.

I had assumed that going to the beach would mean a break from hosting duties. I had assumed incorrectly. Kyouya-senpai had decided to make this a field trip that included as many guests as possible.

This was typical of him, combining pleasure and profit to suit his needs.

I was comfortably lounging in the sand, watching Tamaki-senpai charm the gaggle of girls surrounding him. I couldn't hear the words he was saying, but from the look on the girls faces it was something soppy and romantic.

However, the scene became a lot less romantic when one actually observed the line up of girls waiting for their chance at Tamaki-senpai's attentions. It was sad really.

In all honesty I couldn't complain about these girls. I had been subject to that spellbinding gaze Tamaki-senpai could project with those violet-blue eyes of his and knew better than some that it wasn't an easy thing to resist - and I wasn't even half in love with him, unlike these girls.

I stayed there watching him for a moment, admiring the ease with which he portrayed himself. I was pulled out of my musings by a splash of water on my face.

I looked up, prepared to yell at the twins for their devilish behaviour, but was surprised to find a few of the girls had been the culprits.

"Haruhi why aren't you swimming?" Giggled one of the girls.

"I like watching more." I smiled at them.

"Do you want to watch together?" Another girl asked imploringly, a look of hope on her face.

I knew it was time to pull some charm out of my ass.

"Why, you go on. We don't want those cute swimsuits to go to waste." I said smiling, head tilted, eyelids drooping slightly.

I felt kind of stupid, but if the blushes on the girls faces were any indication, I had been successful. What did Tamaki-senpai know?

Speaking of Tamaki-senpai, I could feel eyes on me, and I wasn't surprised at all when I turned around to find Hikaru, Kaoru, and Tamaki-senpai staring at me. They sometimes did that when I played the part of the host especially well. It was almost comical, the expression on their faces, though I couldn't identify what exactly that expression meant.

I turned away and tried to enjoy the view.

I hadn't been to the ocean in years. The last time we'd come I'd only been a kid.

Even though I was much older this time round, the immense landscape stretching before my eyes made me feel just as insignificant and small. I felt that I could watch the ripples and waves crash towards me forever, caressing the sand of the beach only to retreat once again. Still, no matter how many times the waves left the beach, they always came back. It was almost romantic, the pull that this enormous entity submitted to. It was eternal, unchanging, and beautiful in its magnificence. Calming.

I stayed like this for a while, not moving. That is, until Honey-senpai decided to come running up to me.

"Haru-chan! Do you want to go shellfish hunting?!" He shouted eagerly, childlike enthusiasm written all over his face as he hopped around.

I couldn't help but smile, "Honey-senpai I don't think that you'll find many shellfish, it doesn't seem to be that kind of beach.." I trailed off as I looked at the bucket he had already collected.

"What the hell?!" I exclaimed out loud, eyes wide.

Myriads of different shellfish seemed to be appearing from nowhere. No, wait, they were coming from one specific area. I made my way around a collection of large rocks, to see Kyouya-senpai and his family's police force shipping out buckets of shellfish.

Kyouya-senpai met mine and Mori-senpai's questioning gaze easily.

"My family's police force stopped by, they wanted to make it up to Honey-senpai from the water park." Kyouya-senpai said. Referring to the incident where his police force had tried to attack Honey-senpai.

Although one would assume with his childlike stature and demeanour that he would have been hurt, it was quite the opposite. He descended from a long line of professional fighters, and was frighteningly adept at the art.

Honey-senpai and I spent a while collecting shellfish together, which was fun. It was nice to joke around with someone so light hearted and happy. Honey-senpai's happiness seemed contagious, and I found myself smiling more than I had in ages. Mori-senpai was there too, of course, never far from Honey-senpai. Naturally, he didn't say much, but I think that he was enjoying himself too.

"Looks like we're going to be having an excellent dinner tonight." I grinned.

I had always loved seafood.

"Well looks like everyone is happy." I heard Tamaki-senpai say to Mori-senpai.

"Senpai!" I yelled, "Look at all the seafood we collected!" I said, Honey-senpai's childish nature rubbing off on me.

I felt almost free, free of the burdens that plagued me in every day life. Even better, I felt like a kid again. I had been forced to grow up too quickly, after everything, but now I was just letting myself enjoy the sun and the warm ocean breeze.

Tamaki-senpai rewarded me with a stunning smile, which I returned.

"I'm so proud! Look at my little girl!" He said.

I continued to grin impishly, not at all deterred by the patronizing tone in his voice.

"Haruhi, isn't this crab...crabtivating?" He asked playfully.

My new found mirth bid me laugh at this statement, "Oh yeah," I said smiling at his silly pun.

"You're so cute," He said, boyish exultation plain on his face.

A look of shock replaced his face when a large centipede started crawling out of the crab he was holding. Oh boy.

Once the girls saw the reason for his distress they ran screaming, as did Hikaru and Kaoru. Tamaki-senpai seemed terrified, so I decided I needed to deal with it.

I simply grabbed the centipede, brought it over to a rock formation and flung it out of the way.

"Now Haruhi," began Hikaru, both the twins resting an arm on each of my shoulders.

"I know that most girls aren't the bug loving type, and I certainly didn't think you were." He continued.

"But don't you think you could have been easier on the little guy?" Kaoru finished for his brother.

"Oh come on guys," I said rolling my eyes. "I didn't kill it."

Seeing that the perceived danger had passed, the girls made their way back to the twins and me. I heard them whispering of how brave I was, so manly and still so sweet.

It really was too much. Were they all that scared of a little bug? I had seen terrible things in the world, but a bug really couldn't do them any harm. Not the way that people could.

I immediately halted this train of thought.

Dammit.

I had been having such a perfect day, I should have known it couldn't last.

I didn't want the host club to take note of my distress, so I distracted myself by trying to charm the horde of girls that had surrounded me.

KAORU'S POV

"Well would you look at that," I said to my brother and Tamaki.

"Haruhi is not normal. I thought girls were supposed to be afraid of bugs." Hikaru added.

"Well, she has to be afraid of something," Tamaki mused.

I had an excellent idea for a game just then, and from a glance at Hikaru I knew that he was thinking the exact same thing. We grinned at each other, and then turned to Tamaki-senpai.

"Hey boss, we just thought of a new game to play, its called the 'find out what Haruhi is scared of game'." We said in synchronization as usual.

Obviously this game wouldn't cover whatever had happened to make her so horribly sad all the time. That would be cruel, and neither Hikaru nor I wanted to be cruel to Haruhi. We were thinking more along the lines of little things like bugs, and snakes.

Haruhi really was amazing. She had obviously been through a lot, but she still tried to be self sufficient. She may not look it, but she was pretty tough.

I knew Hikaru thought the same, which worried me. He had pushed her too far, and while it had turned out well for us in the end, I was scared he would keep trying to get closer to her. I didn't think she could handle that right now.

I looked to Tamaki-senpai and saw the exact same expression on his face, but he's still an idiot, especially when his own feelings are concerned, so I'm not worried about that. Yet.

"I don't know, that sounds like kind of an awful game.." He said, uncharacteristically serious.

"Not like that, just something like bugs or the dark." Hikaru said, trying to keep the mood light.

He still seemed skeptical, so Hikaru and I figured that he would need to be convinced. In sync, and without even a glance at each other we turned and started to walk off.

"Ah well, I mean she would only really share a weakness with someone she was really close to." We said in union.

Without even looking, I knew that we had struck a chord with Tamaki-senpai. And exactly as we expected, he accepted the test.

"What are the rules?" He asked, his voice challenging.

"The deadline is sunset tomorrow, whoever finds her weakness first wins." We said, smiling mischievously.

"I have a prize for the winner." Kyouya-senpai said, breaking into the conversation, an evil smile forming.

He produced, seemingly from no where, pictures of Haruhi in what I assumed was the year before we met her.

Tamaki-senpai, Hikaru and I just stared.

She was so unbelievably cute.

Suddenly, with the stakes higher, the game had gotten a lot more competitive, with even Mori-senpai and Honey-senpai deciding to join in.

Tamaki-senpai looked desperate to get those pictures, and I'll admit, I wanted them pretty damn badly myself. In those pictures she looked happier than I had ever seen her.

Her dark eyes were shining, her even darker hair flowing long down her back. It made me sad that we had never seen this part of her, I don't know if we ever will either.

"Where did you get those pictures Kyo-chan?" Asked Honey-senpai.

Kyouya-senpai decided to actually answer Honey-senpai, unlike the ten times that Tamaki-senpai had just asked the question.

"Well, let's just say that I have my sources and we'll leave it at that." He said, dismissing further questions on the subject.

Kyouya-senpai obviously knew what was up with Haruhi. But as certain as I was that he knew, I was equally certain that he wouldn't tell us.

It kind of pissed me off, to know that Kyouya-senpai had a better understanding of Haruhi, but I tried not to let it show. She would tell us when she was ready, if she was ever ready.

Hikaru grabbed my arm so that we could devise a plan, and I put my thoughts of Haruhi's problems on hold, for the moment at least.

**Once again I apologize for the lameness but I promise that it is setting up for some better stuff ! Those of you who know the chapter/episode this is know that to be the case. As always tell me what you think and I will update again for you lovelies next week! R&R**


	14. Chapter 14

**HA. Bet none of you believed me (or maybe even read) that I was going to be updating again in a bout a week. Well I have, so good for me ! I don't have anything coming up immediately for this story as I'm sure most will be shocked to know, but I hope you enjoy this chapter ! I was really excited to write it :) R&R**

The boys were acting stranger than usual, and considering how strange they normally behaved, that's really saying something.

First, Hikaru and Kaoru brought me and a few girls along to see a supposed "haunted cave."

They began twisting what I assume was meant to be a frightening tale. Kaoru went on to contemplate - loudly - the mysterious deaths of all who entered the cave. He spoke of how their spirits were unrestful, and thus vengeful, harming anyone who was brave enough to venture into their caves. The girls, of course, looked terrified, and tittered amongst themselves. If I was honest, I couldn't care less. Ghosts.

I felt a bony hand grab on to my shoulder from behind. But even without turning around I knew who it was.

"Are you guys trying to freak me out or something?" I asked calmly.

The sheepish look on his face at being caught transformed quickly into one of confusion.

"What's wrong with you? I thought everyone was afraid of ghosts." Hikaru questioned.

"Well I've never seen a real ghost, so why would I be afraid of something that might not exist?" I countered.

In reality, even if ghosts were real, they couldn't be worse than people. So they didn't really frighten me.

Hikaru and Kaoru gave each other disgruntled looks, obviously hoping for a different reaction. Had they expected me to run screaming? Despite the dark turn my mental state had taken this afternoon, I felt somewhat satisfied at having foiled whatever their plan had been.

Next, I was accosted by Honey-senpai. He approached me sweetly enough, but was behaving just as strangely as the twins.

"Haru-chan! Would you come over here?" He asked excitedly, bouncing on the spot, gesturing to the large transport truck that seemed to have appeared on the beach from nowhere.

The mystery was explained when, once again, I saw Kyouya-senpai's personal police force. They were obviously still yielding to Honey-senpais every whim in penance for their previous indiscretion.

I didn't see any harm in joining Honey-senpai, so with a helping hand I climbed into the truck.

For a moment nothing happened, and I just stood there awkwardly inside the truck, wondering what to expect.

"We are ready when you are private police people! Please lower the door." Honey-senpai said with an infantile attempt at seriousness.

Naturally, they police force obeyed his command and promptly lowered the door.

Honey-senpai and I stood there, silent in the dark, for about a minute, I wasn't really disturbed by this sudden loss of vision. I knew there was no threat, and I could still hear the waves crashing against the shore, bringing a strange sense of peace.

That is until Honey-senpai started freaking out.

"It's dark in here!" He wailed. He continued to cry out in distress for a minute more before the police force finally opened the door.

I walked away resolving to avoid the boys until they came down off of whatever drugs they appeared to be on. I knew they weren't really inebriated, but nonetheless they were acting very strangely.

In turning around I was greeted with a very sharp weapon pointed dangerously close to my face. It probably should have frightened me more than it did, but I knew that the wielder would never hurt me.

"Mori-senpai, could you please put the weapon away?" I asked jokingly, almost laughing at the absurdity of the situation.

He looked perturbed by my lack of reaction, but I simply left him to his own devices.

HIKARU'S POV

This game was a lot harder then any of us predicted.

But I'll be damned if I don't get those photos of Haruhi. Maybe its kind of creepy, but I really want them. So that somebody can remember that smiling and happy girl that she used to be.

Kaoru looked at me, and I knew he was frustrated by our lack of progress with this game too.

"What kind of heroine is she?" He asked, echoing my own thoughts as he so often did.

"I know. She doesn't appear to be scared of anything." At least nothing that we could actually protect her from. I didn't say the words out loud, but I knew that Kaoru agreed.

Tamaki-senpai didn't appear at all discouraged by our lack of progress in the game, he was digging something up in the garden behind us.

"I found some rat snakes!" He said, brimming with undeserved pride. "Surely she'll freak out when she sees these!"

"To be fair, anyone would think those are creepy. It doesn't really count as a weakness." I pointed out.

"Wait a minute, Okinawa doesn't have rat snakes..." Kaoru said.

We looked at each other in a panic. Shit, Tamaki.

HARUHI'S POV

The boys appeared to be finished whatever game they had been playing, so I was meandering along the beach peacefully. The sun was starting to set now, the fiery golds and reds submitting to the darker indigo blue of the sea and the night sky. I found myself melting in the glory of this picturesque scene before me. Unwittingly, I also found myself thinking of a certain individuals indigo blue eyes, stunning like the ocean.

"Look up here Haruhi!" I heard a girl yell.

I looked up the large rock cliff I had been walking along and saw three of the girls up top. Thankfully, they were too far away to see the blush creeping up my neck about the embarrassing thoughts I had just been having.

"The breeze up here is great!" Another one of them commented, waving. It seemed that I wasn't the only one affected by the tranquillity of the beach.

"Be careful up there! Its dangerous." I shouted, it would be just my luck to see one of the girls tumble off that treacherously high cliff. I wanted to avoid any accidents at all costs.

I decided to get up there and supervise the girls myself, just in case. As I started to get closer I heard deeper male voices, and I knew that it wasn't the voices of any from the host club.

"We just want to show you girls how to have a good time." I heard a menacing voice drawl.

I broke into a run, determined to help out the girls.

"This is a private beach, please leave." One of the girls said firmly.

"Private, as in we're alone?" Another male voice countered suggestively. I heard one of the girls screech as the boy grabbed her around the waist.

I grabbed the nearest few rocks I saw and hurled them at the back of the boy closest to me. There was only two of them, but even so I knew I was outmatched.

But I wouldn't stand back and do nothing. I had too often been the victim in my own life, and I refused to watch it happen to these girls; they didn't deserve it.

I was pissed, and all the pent up rage I kept locked inside about the course my life had taken was seeping out.

"What the hell?!" The guy who I hit with the rocks yelled.

He whirled around, a hateful look twisting his features.

"Why don't you get the fuck out." I said, vehemence lacing my words with a dangerous undertone.

"You heard the girls, they aren't interested. Now leave."

"You little runt." The boy said, advancing towards me.

The closer he got the more I realized how outmatched I was, but I'll be damned if I don't go out fighting. At least I can give the girls a chance to get away.

He grabbed me by the shirt, but a quick sucker punch had me free once again.

"Get out of here!" I yelled to the girls, while he was still doubled over.

The girls managed to run out of there, I was thankful that they had at least escaped the reach of these disgusting boys.

But the second boy grabbed me by the back of the shirt while his friend recovered. My adrenaline was pumping fast now, and I put my, admittedly pathetic, weight behind a punch aimed at the boy still holding onto my shirt. Luckily, I hit him in the nose, feeling a satisfying crunch. He let go of me, swearing like a sailor.

His friend had recovered by then, and much to my horror, shoved me violently towards the end of the cliff. Once again my collar was grabbed, and I was hanging perilously close to the edge. I didn't dare look down at the rocky waters beneath me, instead focusing my efforts on pushing back against my assailant.

I knew that it was a hopeless cause, he had at least sixty pounds on me, but I tried anyway.

"He kid, I've got an idea." He said, grinning viciously.

"How about you go for a swim?" He finished.

The wicked grin didn't leave his face as he pulled back his right arm, left hand still holding tightly onto my collar.

"HARUHI!" I heard Tamaki-senpai's voice yell.

But he was too late. The boy who had me, punched me in the face, hard. Without him holding me up, I ended up going sailing off the cliff.

Somewhere in a state of shock, I couldn't even bring myself to be upset about the way events had transpired. What did I truly have to live for anyway? The shock of the cold water wasn't enough to rouse me out of my dark thoughts. I didn't feel like fighting for such a meaningless existence any more. I resolved to just let myself sink, hoping that I could maybe find peace at last.

I let the water fill my lungs, welcoming the burning sensation that it brought. But instead of the blackness I had expected to come, I saw gold. Gold, mixed with the violet blue of...Tamaki-senpai?

Strong arms enveloped me, and I felt his heat seeping into my skin, even under the water.

I was dazed, from both the hit and the fall I had endured. But Tamaki-senpai swam me to shore, and ever so gently picked me up and cradled me in his arms. A few hacking coughs dispelled my lungs of water, but not the horrible feeling of what I had been ready to do.

I shivered, but more from fear than the cold.

I had given up.

I had been willing to let myself die.

My body ached, but worse that that, I was disgusted with myself. Had the people I loved suffered so much just so that I could give up? No. I had to be stronger than that. If not for myself, then at least for them. Yet, I couldn't help but crave the peace and clarity that had come in the moments after I decided to let go.

"Boss, Haruhi!" I heard the twins yell from somewhere to my left. "Are you okay"

"What happened to those boys?" Asked Tamaki-senpai. I sensed a quiet wrath in the question, and knew he was angry. The tautness of his body also revealed him, although he continued to cradle me against his chest. I was still at the edge of consciousness and had yet to open my eyes.

"The police were called and escorted the boys out, I also called a doctor who should be here shortly." Kyouya-senpai answered in that pragmatic way of his.

"Thank you." Tamaki-senpai replied quietly.

I had, had enough of being the heroine for one day. I was pissed off that I had needed saving in the first place, I was supposed to be self sufficient. Instead of being angry at myself like I should have been, I turned that irritation onto the boys. My eyes snapped open.

"Look I don't need a doctor, I'm perfect fine." I said, removing myself from Tamaki-senpai's arms. I pushed myself to my feet, swaying slightly upon standing, but thankfully keeping my balance.

I don't think falling over would have helped prove my claim to health to anyone. I was rewarded with a shirt from Kyouya-senpai to cover myself with.

Tamaki-senpai's hair was covering his eyes, but the anger in his tone was unmistakable when he spoke.

"What were you thinking."

My eyes shot up to him.

"You know, you are not like Honey-senpai. You are not a martial arts master." I felt my eyes widening at his angry reproach.

He grabbed both my shoulders, "What the hell were you thinking, confronting those boys like that? " He continued furiously, voice raising in volume and pitch slightly.

"I was the only one there, there wasn't any time to call for help." I said in my defense, my voice also beginning to rise.

"Don't forget you idiot, you're still just a girl!" He yelled.

Okay that was enough, now I was seriously pissed off.

"Look, I'm sorry that you had to save me or whatever and that I was such a fucking inconvenience to you, but I sure as hell wasn't about to run for help while those boys terrorized the girls. It doesn't matter that they are boys and I'm a girl, I was there, so I helped. I'm not apologizing for that. I didn't do anything wrong" I practically shouted.

I was fuming. How dare he, I was helping those girls. Maybe it didn't go according to plan but that didn't mean I was wrong.

"You don't think so?" He questioned, dangerously quiet.

"Fine, whatever you say. But I'm not speaking to you until you admit you were wrong." he said voice rising at the end of his sentence.

With that, Tamaki-senpai strode off toward the house we were all to stay in.

I couldn't believe him.

Belatedly, I felt the throbbing of my face where the guy had punched me. I lifted my hand and found it tender to the touch, there was also a bit of blood on my hand now. Great, just what I needed. I consolidated myself with the fact that at least it wouldn't be a shiner, the boy had swung closer to my eyebrow/temple as opposed to my actual eye. Either way, it hurt.

I followed the rest of the boys up to the house, not missing the worried glances that kept coming my way. Almost instantly after entering I found myself lost in the house we were staying in, it was huge. Thankfully, I had Honey-senpai and Mori-senpai to help me navigate.

First, they set about cleaning up my face. Mori-senpai was surprisingly gentle as he cleaned the wound and bandaged it up. I did my best not to wince at the tenderness, but wasn't very successful.

"I'm sorry." Mori-senpai would say whenever this happened. It made me feel bad, it wasn't his fault.

Honey-senpai looked upset. But not in his characteristic, childish manner, this was a more serious emotion. But he didn't utter a word as they led me to my room, and I was told they would be back to help me find the kitchen.

Once left alone I simply collapsed onto the bed, giving myself a moment before I got changed out of my sopping clothes.

Tears burned behind my eyes, I chalked it up to pain, but I knew that wasn't really the case. Today had started out so wonderfully, I had felt hopeful and alive. But I should have been prepared for something awful to happen, it always did.

I tried to find the remnants of the emotionless mask I had once worn in the presence of the host club. I knew I would need it for dinner, especially if Tamaki-senpai continued with his ridiculous temper tantrum directed towards me.

I grabbed my bag and started rifling through the contents to get something suitable for dinner. Much to my horror, I realized that I had grabbed the wrong bag. Inside was clothing fit for a proper girl.

It was my own fault, I had been quick to get out of my apartment. Lately I had made sure never to linger long, lest my intruder return. I knew that it was silly, especially since I had installed new locks, but I couldn't shake the feeling of dread so quickly. In my haste I had grabbed a very similar looking bag to the one I had actually packed for the trip, one filled with clothes I hadn't used since before my arrival in Japan.

I looked at everything inside the bag, and resigned myself to wearing a dress tonight. I selected a cream coloured dress with spaghetti straps that suited the warm weather. It was tight at the bodice and flowed into a modest length a-line skirt. Thankfully, there were undergarments better suited to a dress inside the bag as well.

My hair was curling at the end as the result of the ocean water and I couldn't be bothered to tame it. One look in the mirror told me that drowning was not good for my looks. I splashed my face with water a few times, and even made use of a couple of the cosmetics that had been lying in my travel bag as well. If Tamaki-senpai was going to be childish, then I was going to look as good as I could just to spite him.

With that done, I mentally prepared myself for what I assumed would be an uncomfortable dinner at best.

A few minutes later I heard a knock on the door, the silence led me to believe it was Mori-senpai. He surveyed my change from drowned boy to almost feminine girl, and in his stoic manner said,

"You look nice."

I let a small smile form on my lips, Mori-senpai used very few words, so I know that when he did use them he meant them. This wasn't just some formal platitude, it was sincere.

"Thank you." I replied.

We walked to the kitchen in silence, and I felt myself feeling oddly nervous to have the host club see me like this. It was stupid, but I didn't want them to laugh at me. I almost laughed at myself at this ridiculous notion.

I could smell it when we got near, the tell-tale smell of cooking seafood. My stomach rumbled and I realized how hungry I truly was. We walked into the kitchen, and I was met with five pairs of striking eyes all watching me.

TAMAKI'S POV

I was sulking.

It was all Haruhi's fault. Why did my little girl have to be so stupid? She just didn't understand how worried we had all been, how scared I had been when I saw that guy throw her off the cliff.

If I hadn't been intent on running in after her I would have killed those boys. As it was, I would make them rue the day they ever harmed my beautiful daughter.

But now she isn't talking to me, and while I know it's my own fault, I'm still upset and angry. Hence the sulking.

I heard Honey-senpai come in, although I couldn't see him from the corner which I was in. I smelled the seafood though, and I wanted to commend him on a job well done. But the extreme sulking would not allow it.

"Its your own fault you know." Hikaru said to me.

"You shouldn't have picked a fight in the first place." Kaoru finished for him.

This, in turn, caused me to sulk even more. I know I shouldn't have gotten angry, but she was wrong. She couldn't defend herself like the rest of us could, as strong as she tried to be she was so incredibly fragile. So excuse me for trying to make her realize her own weaknesses. Why does she have to be so damn stubborn?

I heard the door open, and the sharp intake of everyone's breath. Despite my attempt at stoicism, my breath caught too when I saw what they were staring at.

It was Haruhi, and she was beautiful.

Her dark hair was curling adorably around the ears, and she was wearing a simple, yet flattering dress. It reminded me of the Christmas party, when she had dressed as a girl for one of my plans. She had almost fallen that night, and for a few brief moments I had gotten to hold her in my arms. They ached for her ever since. But of course I would want to hold my family, that was perfectly natural.

Her large chocolate brown eyes met mine for a moment, displaying a rare vulnerability in them. But she quickly narrowed her eyes and shot me a spiteful look. It was literally like a stab to my heart, and I quickly resumed my sulking, whilst sneaking looks at Haruhi all the while.

HARUHI'S POV

It was uncomfortable to have all the boys eyes on me. Tamaki-senpai had been staring too, but I'd shot him a glare, causing him to look away.

"Where did you get that dress?" The twins asked in unison.

"I accidentally grabbed the wrong bag, so this was all I had with me." I said, embarrassed at the attention. It was only a dress for goodness sake.

"That's awesome!" The twins exclaimed, big grins dominating their faces.

"You look so cute Haru-chan!" Exclaimed Honey-senpai.

I felt a small smile forming, they could be quite sweet sometimes. I looked quickly at Kyouya-senpai, who hadn't said a word. He had a strange look on his face, something that I couldn't describe, but he gave me a small smile all the same.

We made our way to the beautifully set table, and I was unhappy to find out I was seated beside Tamaki-senpai. He kept sneaking looks at me, and I kept giving him dirty looks. You could have cut the tension between us with a knife. All in all, it was pretty uncomfortable.

The twins, in their natural fashion, decided this discomfort required comment.

"Well this is awkward." Kaoru said.

"Yeah, no kidding." Hikaru continued.

"Well, lets dig in!" Honey-senpai said cheerfully, trying to diffuse the tension.

"Look Haruhi, these are the crabs we caught, don't they look delicious?" He continued, pressing forward despite the awkward silence.

I grabbed a crab leg, and was satisfied with the loud snap it gave when I broke it open. I felt, rather than saw, Tamaki-senpai wince at it. I continued to violently open my crab legs, devouring the crab meat in a very un-ladylike fashion. I was eating more than I had in a very long while, and even though I could feel my stomach rejecting all this food, I kept eating anyway.

"Don't you think you've had enough? " Tamaki-senpai asked in disbelief, looking at the large pile of crab shells in front of me.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you weren't talking to me." I said in my bitchiest voice, not even sparing him a glance.

"Are you trying to be cute, or something?" He asked.

I shot him an icy look.

He slammed his napkin down on the table and stood up.

"Okay, I get it, fine. It seems you refuse to admit you were wrong. See if I care then, I'm going to bed. Kyouya could you show me to my room?" He said, anger and indignation colouring his tone.

I tried to ignore the twinge of guilt I felt at his obvious distress, to no avail. I went to snap another piece of crab, and found that I didn't have it in me, so affected was I by Tamaki-senpai. I started to doubt my own conviction.

"Maybe he's right, maybe I do need to learn to protect myself better." I said quietly aloud to myself.

I thought back to what Tamaki-senpai had said on the beach, about how I couldn't protect myself. He was right, wasn't he? I hadn't stood a chance, but I knew that I hadn't been wrong for trying. My memories went back even farther, to another time I couldn't defend myself, or anyone I loved. I ran my finger over my dress, tracing the scar that was hidden by the fabric, and I knew that I really did need to learn some sort of defense.

"So that's it. He got to you." The twins commented.

"I mean, it wouldn't hurt you to learn martial arts or something," Hikaru said,

"But we wouldn't make you do it or anything." Kaoru finished.

"Besides, that's not the real issue here." They said, synchronized once again.

I gave them a questioning look.

"To be honest, we were all a little worried, about how recklessly you acted." Hikaru said, more serious than I had ever seen him. There was no mischief sparkling in those golden-brown eyes of his, only concern.

"What do you mean? I didn't cause you guys any trouble or anything" I asked, not fully understanding.

The twins gave an exasperated shrug.

"That's not true Haru-chan. I think you should apologize," started Honey-senpai.

"You had us all really worried, especially Tama-chan. I think you really need to apologize to him first." He finished, making me feel even more guilty.

"You were all worried about me?" I asked tentatively, slightly disbelieving that they could be so concerned over me.

"Of course we were." Kaoru said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Guys, I'm really sorry about everything. I wasn't trying to make you worry, I just couldn't stand by and do nothing." I said, eyes down, so they couldn't see the tears that were filling them, and the shame in my face.

"I should have known that I couldn't defend myself or those girls, I couldn't then and I certainly can't now." I said, my voice catching slightly at the end.

I knew that at some point I had to let them in, even if it was just a little bit. I also felt the need to explain myself.

"I was in a situation before I came to Japan where I... I wasn't able to defend myself, I was just a helpless victim. I told myself that I would do everything I could to keep that from happening again, to me or anyone else. I just...I don't know how to rely on other people. It..." I started trailing off, trying to keep my voice from trembling.

"It scares me." I finished, so quietly I don't know if they heard me.

I dared a glance up and saw all of their gazes pinned on me, trying to process the small amount of information I had just given them.

"I am truly sorry, for making you worry, you shouldn't have to worry about me." I said, meeting each of their gazes.

Before I knew what was happening they all came over and enveloped me in a large hug. For just that brief moment I felt safe, as if I had a family again.

"We are always going to worry about you Haruhi." Hikaru said, voice thick with emotion.

All of the sudden, I felt the ridiculous amount of crab I had eaten coming back up. They all heard my stomach grumbling unpleasantly, and I dashed out looking for the nearest rest room.

I lunged into a nearby bedroom and proceeded to empty my stomach of all its previous contents. But it wasn't the vomiting that was making my hands shake, it was nerves. I had just revealed a small, but significant, part of myself to those boys. And it scared me.

HIKARU POV

We all just looked at each other, shocked at what had just transpired.

"Do you think she's going to be okay?" I asked, not just meaning her stomach.

"I don't know." Kaoru answered for me, understanding the meaning behind the question.

"I think that she's starting to trust us." Said Honey-senpai.

This realization made me inexplicably happy. She was starting to trust us, even if only a small amount. I know that Kaoru is still pissed at me for pushing her to accept us, but its working, and I can't even begin to describe how much joy it brings me.

Maybe, hopefully, one day she'll tell us everything, and then we can do everything in our power to make her okay again. I just don't want her to be scared any more. Not ever.

HARUHI POV

I finished rinsing out my mouth, thankful that there had been an extra toothbrush in one of the drawers in the bathroom. I realized now that I had no idea where I had stumbled into.

"Are you okay?" Came a deep and somehow familiar male voice.

"I'm so sorry sir, I didn't mean to intrude." I said apologetically, unsure of who it was.

"Don't be silly, its just me." A no nonsense voice that I now immediately identified as Kyouya-senpai rang out.

He had his shirt off, as well as his glasses, and was drying his still wet hair. I took this opportunity to really look at him, as I so rarely let myself do, knowing that he could tell. He was slim, but strong looking. He was all angles, fine boned with smooth lines. This didn't cause weakness in his physique, merely a quieter strength more characteristic of Kyouya-senpai. The strangest thing was seeing him without his glasses, those sharp eyes provided beautiful contrast to his skin when not obscured.

"Senpai, I'm sorry to have made you all worry today, it wasn't my intention." I said, remembering Honey-senpai's words about apologizing.

"Well, I wasn't particularly worried." He said in a strangely distant tone.

He gave me a look, and I saw how truly dark his eyes were, almost purple in their incredible darkness, unwittingly I found myself falling into their dark depths.

"I did have a hard time separating Kaoru and Hikaru from those two boys however, they beat them half to death." He said.

I looked at him stunned, they hadn't said a word.

"Because of you I had to send each of the girls back to the hotel, and a complimentary bouquet of flowers as an apology for the drama." He said.

I was confused, this really wasn't like Kyouya-senpai, but I couldn't discern why he was acting this way.

Kyouya-senpai sauntered over to me while speaking, and I found myself once again admiring his physique.

"I'm really sorry, I'll pay you back." I said, figuring he could add it on to my debt.

"Well that's a lot of money." He said, dimming the lights.

"Why did you turn the lights off?" I asked.

"If you want to, you can pay me back with your body." He said, pulling my down onto the bed abruptly, but not roughly.

He was hovering over of me, our bodies not quite touching, I felt very small in the face of his tallness. Some part of me knew that I should be frightened, but I couldn't sense any real threat from Kyouya-senpai. I was painfully aware of how very male, and shirtless, he was however. I looked into his eyes, and all I saw was a forced look of malice, that failed to convince me of his ill intentions.

"Surely you weren't so naive as to think that someone's sex doesn't really matter," He said, his deep voice quiet.

"You've left yourself completely defenseless against me,"

That was when I clued in. He must have seen the understanding dawn on me, for his facade started to slip. Instead of continuing to lay down flat, I propped myself up on my elbows, our faces a mere inch apart.

"You won't do it Kyouya-senpai." I said calmly.

An astonished look crossed his face, and something darker seemed to be smoldering in the depths of his eyes as well. I could feel his breath on my face, but neither of us moved an inch.

"How do you know that?" He asked, desperately trying to regain his composure.

"Because you wouldn't benefit from it," I started, "And I think in some small way, you might actually care for me, or at least pity me too much to ever do it." I said honestly.

He gave a slight smile, and said;

"I don't pity you Haruhi." The air between us felt charged, as I let those words sink in.

So he really did care for me?

"That's an interesting notion though, not doing something if it doesn't benefit me." He said, breaking the spell between us and finally moving to sit beside me instead.

"You are a fascinating woman, Haruhi." He said.

I was thankful that the dark hid the blush I felt creeping up my neck.

"It's things like this that make me see what a nice guy you are. I know that you're trying to prove Tamaki's point, that I'm not able to defend myself. You're letting yourself be the bad guy, just to prove his point." I said. I saw his eyes widen in response, he clearly wasn't used to being so accurately observed.

People seemed to find Kyouya-senpai intimidating, even cold. But he was unbelievably warm in his own strange way. I would never forget the personal debt I owed him, or the remarkable gentleness that he always treated me with, even when he was trying to frighten me.

Instead of commenting further, he stood up. I watched the taut muscles of his back working as he started to walk towards the door. Just then a knock was heard, and Tamaki-senpai bounded in.

"Kyouya, this sunburn is worse than I thought, do you have any...?" Tamaki-senpai trailed off upon viewing the room.

I realized how compromising our position in the room was. I was still on the bed, with rumpled sheets revealing the movements of Kyouya-senpai and I. And there was Kyouya-senpai, shirtless and standing just in front of me.

"You bastard!" Started Tamaki-senpai, unaware of how innocent our interaction had been, at least I thought it was pretty innocent.

He made to attack Kyouya-senpai, but Kyouya-senpai quickly diffused the situation.

"Here you go, you big goof." He said to Tamaki-senpai, handing him some lotion. With that he walked out, leaving Tamaki-senpai and I alone.

I heard rain beginning to hit the window pane, and a glance out the window revealed dark and ominous clouds. I began to shake slightly, praying that it wouldn't be a thunderstorm. I couldn't handle the terror of that right now.

"What were you two doing in here?" He asked, accusingly.

"Honestly? Nothing." I said, thinking about how strange this day had become.

"You expect me to believe that?! You were alone in his bedroom, on the bed! With the lights out! Don't you lie to me." He finished angrily.

The look of anger faded into something sadder, that made my heart give an unwelcome pang.

"Forget about it." He said coldly.

"You've had a long day, and I'm sure you could use the rest." Turning his back on me he started out the door.

I knew I couldn't let him leave, so I started after him.

"Senpai.." I began reaching out for him, but just like that a bolt of lightning lit up the room.

Terrified, I grabbed onto his shirt. He gave me one of the most confused, and vulnerable looks I had ever seen on his face. I put both hands in front of me in apology, aware that they were shaking. Tamaki-senpai saw them, and shot me a concerned look.

Lightning and thunder crashed through the room again, causing me to shriek. I held my arms tightly around myself, trying to calm my frantically beating heart. I was shaking like a leaf as I desperately tried to regain some semblance of control.

"What's wrong Haruhi?" Tamaki-senpai asked.

"It's nothing, um, I ah...just remembered some business that needs taking care of." I stumbled over the words as I climbed into the dresser in an attempt to hide myself, from both the storm and Tamaki-senpai.

"What business could you have in a wardrobe?!" He yelled, clearly exasperated.

Thunder and lightning crashed once again, and I was frozen with fright. Everything had happened on a night like tonight, the night that my world had been destroyed. I couldn't keep the images from my mind, the blood, the screaming. The incredible pain of losing everything. It still hurt, just as much as it had when it happened.

"Haruhi, are you scared of the thunder and lightning? Why'd you lock yourself in the wardrobe, seems like it'd be scarier in there." He said gently.

"I'm alright," I started, my wobbly voice contradicting my words. "I'm used to getting through stuff like this by myself."

For a moment he stopped trying to get into the wardrobe.

"By yourself? You're always by yourself, aren't you? You never call for help, even when we are right there. I get it." He said, so sweetly and softly that I almost wasn't sure if I heard him correctly.

He opened the door without finding any resistance this time, but I couldn't bring myself to look at him. Tears were dangerously close to spilling over, so I kept my arms around my knees, head down.

"I understand now. I'm sorry I acted the way I did, you haven't been able to rely on anyone for a while, have you? But not anymore."

I brought my head up, so moved by the unabashed tenderness in his voice, the same tenderness was echoed in his exquisite eyes.

"You can come out now." He said kindly.

My eyes were shining with unshed tears, but I couldn't tell if they were from fear of my memories, or from Tamaki-senpai's words.

I looked at him, feeling more vulnerable than I ever had before. I was met with compassion, and overwhelming sweetness in his gaze. He held out his hand for me, but just as he did the room was once again aglow with the bright lightning and the rolling crash of thunder.

In terror I found myself leaping into his arms. I wrapped my arms around him, clinging to the stability and heat of his body. He enfolded me in his arms, and bent his head down to whisper in my ear.

"You don't have to be afraid anymore. I'll always be here for you Haruhi. I promise that you will never be alone again."

I couldn't keep a sob from coming out, and I clung to his shirt fiercely, as if he was the only thing keeping me sane.

He held me as I cried, and I felt utterly and completely safe in his arms. I don't think he truly understood the impact his words had on me. In this moment of such incredible vulnerability, I knew how much I trusted him.

I pulled my head from his chest and looked up into his fascinating eyes. Every time I looked into them I was struck by the beauty, the intriguing combination of blue and violet that I had never seen the equal.

I couldn't keep my voice from breaking, or the tears streaming down my face as I said;

"You don't understand Tamaki. They're gone. I'm all that I have left."

The tears completely blurred my vision at this admission, I ached with the pain of having lost my family, and the sympathy in Tamaki-senpai's eyes.

I expected to be received with pity, or disbelief. Instead he just continued to hold me close.

"We can be your family now."

Tamaki-senpai stayed there holding me for what felt like hours. I was so utterly exhausted from the days events that I found myself dozing off in the comfort of his arms. He brought me, half asleep, to the bed. He tucked me in the bed with care, and started to leave the room.

"Wait.." I started, reaching out my hand. Tamaki-senpai turned around, a questioning look on his face.

"Please don't leave me." I murmured quietly, despairing the thought of being left alone like this.

His gaze softened, and he smiled ever so sweetly, "I told you Haruhi, I'll always be here for you."

In that moment I truly believed him.

He climbed into the bed, blushing slightly at this show of intimacy. I felt reassured now that he was here, and found myself almost falling asleep.

"You don't snore do you?" I asked softly, as my mind grew heavy with sleep.

I was rewarded with a laugh, the smile lighting up his features. I fell asleep with that lighthearted sound in my mind, and although the day had been awful, and my emotions rubbed raw, I slept soundly, knowing that Tamaki-senpai was by my side.

**A little sweetness for ya'll until the bad shit starts to happen again ;) REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW. It makes me happy :3 Also keeps me motivated to continue the story... HOPE YOU ENJOYED, LOVE YOU ALL 3**


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